Everything I do,
Everything I change
I try
so many different things
as the day begins,
all my efforts go down
as sun sets.
I lose interest
and feel so much dismay,
the boredom
the worthlessness.
Internally I get the feeling of unexplained grief
it doesn't go away
I do not know the origin of this feeling
but it slowly feasts on me
consumes me
and I lose this game everyday.

I wish I can believe
When you ask me how I am
Though your words of false concern
becomes muted by a high pitched tone ringing in my ears.

You only ever come
When you want to see something lewd
A stranger, a one night stand
Your pleasure is not my concern
How rude of you.

A so called friend
Who backstabbed me once before
I can't  listen
When your hands are painted with my blood
Are you here just to strip me of another layer once more?

My two caretakers
Who bound my hands and feet with repulsive diction.
The make believe stories they would tell me is fiction.
One day they'll act like water with a calm flow.
And most, a terrifying blizzard of snow.

My all time lover who broke my heart.
You try to help now, but it wasn't noted before.
A lot of the things that are happening now are because of your break up letter.
You are only here to pay for the damage of my brain and heart.
But I know you wanted to leave once you tore me apart.

And the people at my school
Who will pretend they knew me once I'm dead.
Who believe they knew the suffering yet it became apparent too late.
You act as if death is your motive to finally speak my name.  
But you all have ignored the ghost girl roaming past the classroom door's window frame.

Your words of false concern
Is apparent to my eyes.
I can see that you have tried.
But "I'm sorry" isn't a good response to someone who is
Already sorry for being this way.

I feel proud
When Sun tires
Of melting my frozen heart;

But, I fear
When Sun rises
In the morning with hope.