I don’t trust myself with you.
I’ve built myself a lonely cage.
I use my fear as my protector.
But sometimes, I open the cage.
Step-out to breathe in the fresh air of what could be,
then get terrified with the first breath I inhale,
and I go back in.
Because I’ve learned that the more people you let into your life,
the more vulnerable you get.
The easier it is for them to walk out.
And so I will suffer in silence.
Because I'd rather be lonely.
Than happy then broken.

I wonder what you think about when you lay down next to me... When I sleep, do you sleep, or internally question me?

How quick do you jump when Im up and you see the phone was right next to me? You scroll and search, hope to find dirt, and continue second guessing me...

Sweatin me, when you taking certain things out of context, stressin me, when I tell you how Im tryna be honest, selling me, tellin me how you respecting my process, only to continue to do the same thing again and again like you obsessed...

Its not a sport, nor is it fun, when it feels like there's a gun, behind my back and at my head, wishing what we had was dead...

But you still not using words to talk to me or ask me first, to let me know what thoughts still linger, what doubts you have or your distrust...
You tell me all is fine; that you have nothing to say, then we go to bed at the end of the day

But still, I wonder what you think about when you lay down next to me...

@desire.is.dope
20190428
1249HRS

It’s difficult, the thing we call trust,
It’s hard when it’s broken,
The worries it brings,
It follows you around,
Abruptly approaches you, when you don’t expect, when you’re not prepared,
But it’s always there to remind you,
Of that putrid feeling,
On an empty stomach,
That shock,
Betrayal,
The sadness

Set I
You don't really call on me like you should
Dial my line and I'll roll through your neighborhood
We all have problems under this hemisphere
But you persevere and smile so fierce
I know your circle doesn't want smoke with me
Because they trust we can go all the way
He broke your trust, trust me, is all I say
It's okay you need someone that's calm and patient
Someone who's never okay being complacent
Who's honest enough to check you in the wrong
Does the armor on your skin belong?
Won't you be my plug?
You could be the one
Like Summer Walker, start with a handshake
And eventually, I'll need more than a hug
Let's vent late at night with Pink Moscato wine
Open up to me about these emotional crimes
All that you're missing; this late night attention
The best combination
To feel empathy is ultimate satisfaction
Communication is not meant for one side
So, do what's best for your mind

i am stuck in a glass box.
No I'm not a mime
and no I'm not Houdini
Though my legs are tied with chains I cannot seem to find the key to
Pulling me down behind metal doors and locks snapped shut
By my own doing, I am my own victim
The walls I’ve built above myself are now a sarcophagus I find comfort in
My grave dug deeper than the 6 feet recommendation,
The breathing space I have seems only to fill with water
The more I push away the help I crave,
The more I doubt I will get it.
With grave robbers visiting my tomb often
I am now use to the feeling of losing parts of myself I will not see again
Always being told from a young age to not give my whole heart away
But never fully listening
The iron gates I’ve built around myself
, impenetrable to those wanting to see in.
After the numerous moments I’ve wished id kept them shut
For those only wanting to take,
only give more reason to keep them locked.