"why won't you talk to me?"

"if i do,
i'll fall for you,
i'll want to hold you close and kiss you, that's what you make me want to do.
But i can't,
you're with him and he's my friend,
i can't talk to you,
i'll fall for you."

I lost my best friend,
he lost his first love,
me.

Greenleigh:

Rounding your cottage side,
There you were, bundles tied,
Cerise honeysuckles kissed,
What plan were for the blooms?
In the kitchen rose fumes,
You truly  hoped for a tryst,
Wine love potion cauldron,
Boiled in my drink to stun,
Cerise honeysuckles kissed.

Haven:

My beauteous neighbor,
I submit to ardor,
All in obscure struggles midst,
I see your distant gaze,
But you I try to faze,
You were all to me exist,
“I will beckon at noon,
In this hot summer June,”
All in obscure struggles midst.

  Greenleigh:

But as I spy, I think,
Then discreetly slink,
Cerise honeysuckles kissed,
I culled my own blossoms,
His allures my thraldoms,
I truly hoped for a tryst,
To you a bit of remorse,
Yet my heart waxed full force,
Cerise honeysuckles kissed,

I catch the way you stare,
I will avoid our affair,
All in obscure struggles midst,
Supplanted your fetters,
Entreaty, scrawled letters,
He were all to me exist,
I thought to meet halfway,
Might I be led astray,
All in obscure struggles midst,

  Wyn:

And I received her word,
Intended a detour,
Cerise honeysuckles kissed,
Read the book of magic,
My love to you chronic,
I truly  hoped for a tryst,
Donned my riding garments,
Leas, with my assortments,
Cerise honeysuckles kissed,

Her eyes, you I outshone,
Heedless to her writ tone,
All in obscure struggles midst,
Fancied your ivor teeth,
Smooth skin, your clothes ‘neath.
You were all to me exist,
In daydreams I drifted,
Blunders, I self chided,
All in obscure struggles midst,

  Greenleigh:

Shocked when I saw him trot!
With grasp I became fraught,
All in obscure struggles midst,
He visits you, not me,
Deceit deserved, yet plea!
You were all to me exist,
Could not look in his eye,
Yet utter not goodbye,
All in obscure struggles midst,

Haven:

“Neighbor, wrong I done ye!”
I watch only blankly,
All in obscure struggles midst,
Her twisted mouth distressed,
No one thought we were blessed,
You were all to me exist,
I mumbled, brimming tears,
Should have asked direct, fears,
All in obscure struggles midst,

He was the fool of fate,
Confused yet did await,
Cerise honeysuckles kissed,
I vied for your full love,
As you to his yet shove,
I only hoped for a tryst,
Rapt in misconceptions,
Mocked us, even aspens,
Cerise honeysuckles kissed,

All:

Yet not so sly were we,
Does cognizance come bleak,
Cerise honeysuckles kissed,
We greeted happenchance,
What’s left but insistence?
Our furtive attempts yet missed,
Admit not errs, turn rightwards,
Fracturing our concords,
Cerise honeysuckles kissed,

  Greenleigh:

Anxiously sipped bottles,
And did we start battles,
Cerise honeysuckles kissed,
Suffused eyes, flushed faces,
Affects spill, anguishes,
Our furtive attempts yet missed,
We die lone in shambles,
Bonds of love in scrambles,
Cerise honeysuckles kissed.

If I knew the ways...
To let you know how I feel, then I would.
If I knew the ways...
To get past this pain, then I would.
If I knew the ways...
To tell him that its not him, but his BEST FRIEND, then I would.
If I knew the ways...
To turn back time and confess it before her, then MAYBE I would.
If I knew the ways...
To make you stop missing her and look at me; once; then I would.
If I knew the ways...
To discipline my heart and learn self control, then I would.
If I knew the ways...
To stop this twinge when you call her name, then I would.
If I knew the ways...
To filter my thoughts and not think of you, then I would.
If I knew the ways...
To not only APPRECIATE but ACCEPT and RECIPROCATE his love, then I would.
If I knew the ways...
To fear the rage of the girl you like, in coming to know my feelings for you, then I would.
If I knew the ways...
To make you mine in ANY WAY then I would.
If I knew the ways...
To stop this hand to pick the pen and write poems about you, then I would.
If I knew the ways...
To not send words to him that were written for you, then I would.
If I knew the ways...
To correct
MYSELF,
MY SITUATION,
MY HEART,
MY BRAIN,
...
YOU,
ME,
HIM,
HER
Oh, I would!
Oh, I would.

Only if I knew...
THE WAYS.

It all began in dance class
When I first felt small
Standing in the back of the lines
Where no one could see me at all

Fast forward to middle school
Where the girls who looked like me
Were never the topic of conversation
Like I always dreamt to be

Even when highschool rolled around
It was still never about me
Always some other fair skinned beaut
Who i’d constantly compared to thee

And when I finally did steal a heart
Guess how it began and ended?
Another girl came into the picture
Which whom I had to contend with

My history of love & relationships
Definitely isn’t one for the books
Just painful memories I try to wash away
Because I never had “the look”

That’s the reason I’m always triggered
Because all my life I’ve had to compete
I just want someone to look at me and think
“**** my life is finally complete.”