I was a spider
I was the Sun
I was a pagan
I was a traveler
when I was all
I was none..

Everybody’s staring again,
wherever I go whether they know or not,
I see the stares and it doesn’t matter,
if you’re taking my time you’re taking my pain,

what’s to gain,
from all this trouble,
I put my headphones on and try to focus,
but their staring again and it’s distracting,

fck this,
I want to explode like a supernova,
you don’t know me you want to know me,
I’d show you the truth but you’d be scared,

they always want to love you from a safe distance,
well with love there is no always and no distance is safe,
facts folks facts,
I’m off my axis writing in undefined prose,

what’s the pattern here,
there is no pattern here,
I’m getting bored I’m done here,
“Hey do you want to get out of here?”

Let’s go,
find a place,
where we can be,
period.

Want to take all this pain,
and push it into the world,
turn it into beauty,
change it into medicine,

oh man,
he’s on one again,
on that “Saving the world” spiel,
what’d they slip in his coffee today,

he’s acting strange,
and everybody’s staring,
like they know something great when they see it,
even if they don’t know exactly what that thing is,

what am I,
I don’t know and don’t have time to care,
got words to think and books to write,
got history to make before I get out of here,

“Do you want to get out of here?”

“Everybody’s staring again,
and I’m starting to feel uncomfortable.”

The king of awkward feeling strange on his throne,
I guess the best thing about being a runaway is you’re always home.

Or you’re never home,
and everywhere you roam everybody  stares,
wherever I go whether they know or not,
I see the stares and it doesn’t matter,
if you’re taking my time you’re taking my pain,

“What are you staring at?!?!”

Really I want to know,
because I’ve been trying to figure it out for years,
been to every continent,
and still I have no idea,

you are forcing me to not care,
taking hope and making my favorite word “whatever”,
whatever I feel exceptionally dizzy and want to throw up,
everybody’s staring the world is spinning I’m at a cafe in Budapest,

a table full of girls asked,
“What did you eat?”
I answer truthfully,
“Nothing, I just woke up.”

I was just stood up,
or maybe I missed my date because I just slept in,
I don’t know anymore because I feel disconnected from everyone,
and the further away I feel the more I see them stare…

Everybody’s staring again,
wherever I go whether they know or not,
I see the stares and it doesn’t matter,
if you’re taking my time you’re taking my pain…

∆ Aaron LA Lux ∆

author of The H Trilogy
author of The Poetry Trilogy

Budapest

It’s an odd hour in Budapest,
that time when one finds themselves all alone,
passing vagrants who rummage through the trash,
searching for scraps of whatever and possibly some salvation,

I’d been drinking,
which I guess is good and bad,
coming fresh off of a philosophical conversation,
with an ideological Kiwi,

I couldn’t crush her ideological exuberance,
with my aged cynicism,
even if I’d wanted to,
because I respected her passionate optimism too much,

or not enough,
either way,
I was as alone now,
as I was before I met her,
except I felt lonelier,
because we all feel lonelier,
after having had the company of a friend,
or a stranger,
whatever,
it doesn’t matter now,

I’m several drinks in,
and I’m back at my rooftop apartment,
across from The Dohany Street Synagogue,
retreating into my writing which is where I find myself now,

at this odd hour in Budapest,
that time when one finds themselves all alone,
passing vagrants who rummage through the trash,
searching for scraps of whatever and possibly some salvation…

∆ Aaron LA Lux ∆

author of The Poetry Trilogy
author of The H Trilogy
∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆
∆ ∆ ∆
∆