Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
Kris Fireheart Mar 2023
Wake up every morning
Wondering if I
Should live or die,

Think about my friends
I know are waiting for me
In the sky,

Shotgun in my bed,
I take it out and
Then I Pump the slide,

Put it in my mouth
And give myself
Some time to wonder why,

Should I pull this trigger,
Or should I just go
Lay down and die?

Should I curl up in a ball,
Or should I let my
Feelings lie?

Reaching for my Xanax
'Cause that bottle is
Just all I've got,

Pop a couple just to
Make the voices stop
So I can rise.

Gotta find a reason
Just to get up
Off my lazy ***,

End up on the streets
Where you can find me
Flipping **** for cash.

Looking for some ****?
You need that hard?
You know I've got your back.

Need some company?
I've got this number,
And she'll call you back.

When the day is over,
Hit the bus and I
Just stumble back,

Pop a few more Xanax,
Smoke a blunt,
And then i hit the sack,

Open up my eyes,
And reach between my
Mattress once again,

Shotgun in my mouth,
And cradle it
Like it's my only friend.
This is my "hypothetical" life these days. Wake up, think about ending it, take 5 minutes to decide whether or not it's worth pulling the trigger,  hustle, come back, and do it all over again.  I hate myself more than anyone else in the world,  and even though I have friends who love me and support me,  I can never seem to love myself.  So I just go to sleep,  wake up,  and do it all over again.
louella Feb 2023
you know,
they say
when one door closes,
another one opens.
well, when
my door closed,
someone’s hands
came to my neck.
her eyes were so gentle,
gentle in a way that
is innocence masked.
she strangled the visible life
out of me.
she pinned me to the floor.
and when i tried slipping the story
out
into the world,
they laughed in my face.
so i thought this wasn’t normal behavior.
i was supposed to appreciate something unwanted,
some invasive beast.
i was supposed to accept my fate,
leave my life in the hands of a black swan.

you see, she crawled into my soul,
stuffed her face into my ribcage.
she lapped up every inch of me that was
left
standing
in the sun.
her eyes were bullets
yet it was always the same response of
“you’re a target, you should love the sound of gunfire.”
no, i am a gaping wound,
bleeding guilt,
bleeding out the remains of my foolish heart.
i bleed alone.
i am seeping blood.

she slammed the door so fast
and i could not look back;
there was not a new door to unlock.
i stood there helpless, stunned, shocked.
the fire violently grew
but somehow they didn’t see.
somehow they didn’t try to help,
they didn’t come to rescue me
from these depths.
they came to gawk and make jokes
at the expense of my life.
i couldn’t cry
because
the weakness would seep from my pores if i did,
it would show on my trembling lips,
it would put an end to my pride.
yet
what is pride
but a selfish desperate emotive response?
i am weak.
she pushed through my dry wall
and she
taught me how to unlearn careful choices.
she stole the human from me,
i was left as a naked, erratic wild animal.
yet she was always the one with bright white fangs
that pierced through my satin skin
and an apology was never exchanged.
i never wanted to shut the door
to my safety,
i never wanted to wind up in a creepy alley
beyond where i recognized the area.

and,
what did you call me
but a weak
and pathetic little creature
who can’t defend his honor?
why have you stripped me of my dignity?
i reel below your throne
coughing up childhood innocence and
disgust.
and they didn’t believe me
even when i clawed at my walls
begging to be saved,
they turned away.
they shook their heads.
they made me a liar.
they made me think i did the wrong thing
by being there
by not using my fists for power.
in my ravaging pits of darkness,
she blamed me.

you know,
they say
when one door closes,
another one opens.
but where is the doorknob
to my destination of
believing?
where do i turn now that you pillaged
the trust from my bones
using blunt force?
after you left me with my heart in my ****** hands
and the self that i don’t recognize in the mirror.

who did you leave me as?
this is dedicated to all the male victims of ****** assault.  to those who have endured the comments saying that they are weak or not warranted or lucky. or those that will never take you as serious. ****** assault does not have a gender. men are to be taken just as serious as women. my prayers to you always. (also not my experience, just storytelling).

2/23/23
Alex McQuate Jan 2023
Calm hearts,
And charitable minds,
All my thoughts are shattered glass,
At such a moment and time.

Where I feel like I need to shout at the top of my lungs,
Veins in my forehead bulging,
Face scrunched up,
A roar akin to some great wounded animal,
One who has some wicked spear in its side.

But it is not out of anger, pain, or pride,
Instead, it is from all the energy still in my body,
Begging to be let out.

A tiger in a cage,
Who paces from side to side,
The tiger that knew of the wild before,
Who wishes to get back to the jungle,
But not knowing it will ever get out.
A closed room - tight, binding
Hard to breathe, the air was sickening
The sticky stench, atmosphere thickening
Struggling to escape, fear was quickening.
Ever just felt trapped?
lua Oct 2022
the ice breaks from above me
as sunlight streams in
i feel its warmth
kissing the hairs against my arms
i would swim
to the top
to bang my fists against the frozen sheet
to pry each shard away
to pull myself out
but my blood hardens beneath the flesh
and i sink
watching the sky from the cold currents.
Kassiani Sep 2022
She's lost in wilds unexplored
     Far from dreamers' shining lands
In misty moors where even Sleep
     Lets fall his useless magic sands
There is no rest for mortals here
     For fools who play where Faeries tread
On Faerie roads, in Faerie lands
     The world is turned upon its head
Her stride is sure, yet she is not
     Perception is the Faeries' game
Sending visions, glamours, ghosts
     Illusions wailing out her name
A fearful girl along the roads
     Will bargain for most anything
And here, the threshold of Lost Hope
     Is purview of the Raven King
The Raven King! The Raven King!
     She fell in wonder at the sight
As castles grew before her eyes
     And wild dark turned blinding bright
He led her to the winding halls
     She rushed down cobbles Faeries tread
She gulped the dizzying Faerie wine
     And took the proffered Faerie bread
They swept her up in swirling dance
     For frenzied days, she whirled along
In drunken time, she stumbled to
     The beat of Faerie's wild song
And, wilder still, her heart would drum
     Excited in the glittered haze
As Fae lay stardust in her eyes
     And drew her with their feral gaze
But wait--why did her weary bones
     Resist the Fae's beguiling thrall?
Even as her mind was pulled to
     Pirouette the Endless Ball
Dissonance--a spell had snapped
     She scrabbled at the gilded walls
"Is this to be my cage?" she called
     Across the King's ethereal halls
She couldn't sleep; she couldn't rest
     Paced and fretted, cried aloud
But she had bargained, drunk the wine
     And for the Raven King now bowed
"You made the bargain, mortal girl
     You said the words and you were bound
You called out for the Raven King
     When you were lost on Faerie ground."
She'd never known the ancient laws
     The tricky ways of binding rites
The way the Fae could draw you in
     With silvered tongue and phantom sights
The Faeries laughed; the Faeries danced
     They brought her back under their spell
She didn't fight--their dazzling daze
     Was better than a living hell
So there she stays, a wayward girl
     Heartsick, lost, and trapped in Fae
A fearful girl along the roads
     Who bargained her whole life away
9/13/2022
Odd Odyssey Poet May 2022
I’m inside of a scaled walled fortress,
the greatest strains in a mind's limit,
to limit myself inside of castle walls,

Of a writer's block,
refusing to let my passions rest
inside concrete walls,

Paranoia is a loud emptiness,
bouncing back and forth,
corner to corner; in this ball,
playing with my thoughts in these walls,

I can’t think inside of these walls,
can’t see ahead fears inside of these walls,
reluctant to move inside of these walls,
dependent on myself inside of these walls,
I have no choice but to break down these walls.
Vikram sikki May 2022
To wake up and run
Should be a real fun
But NO , its not
Feels like stifling by a knot

Short of breath in my mind
Even before the start of grind
We sleep, that's fine
But to rise is asinine

The weight of my slumber
When I drag encumbered
Against all reasons
Be what may the season
My soul shouts " Treason"
For my wilted rhythm

Why why why
My heart starts to cry
I wake up for what
And sleep to naught
This universal cycle of routine
Is a time tested guillotine

My hunt is on for the reason
Till then I ll punish self for the treason
By waking after sleep
And running daily and weep!!!
Life goes on for what
louella Apr 2022
i am trapped.
glued to the floor.
quicksand around my ankles.
enveloping my lungs.
can’t breathe.
can’t stop.
dragging me down to the depths.
the depths of inescapable nightmares.
tumbling.
sinking.
begging.
screaming ****** ******.
sand filling my throat.
scratching my esophagus so roughly.
clawing at my sensitive skin.
scraping my neck.
open wounds.
hourglass specks falling on top of me.
quicksand pulling me under.
can’t think.
can’t breathe.
arms reaching for anything.
branches, safety—more sand.
bubbling stomach with layers of salty sand.
pleading.
suffocated by the dust.
head underneath.
engulfed by the vicious sand.
gone.
that’s what i will be if this won’t stop
4/29/22
Next page