your touch is why I survive
the very thought of you makes me smile

Brian Hill - 2020 # 264

We know how much you mean to us
Do you ?
or does it hurt to the touch
or anger you up when you think to receive it ?

Let it not be a human love to be made real and welcome
seek again, but for the love that's found hidden
in the proof behind the pain where we be warming up
to who you really are beyond it all

Human touch.
I crave it.
But can’t have it.
It’s so hard being this alone.
A sound.
A smell.
Can make me want.
An accidental brush against my breast is enough to keep me wanting.
I lay awake at night forcing my legs together,
hoping it’s enough to keep me at bay.
I could take care of myself,
but no one will be there to hold me when it’s over.
My weighted blanket can only do so much.
I may feel weight pressing down on top of me,
but there’s no arms to hold me.
I can’t lay my head on my chest and hear my heartbeat.
I can love myself all I want,
but my ears still aren’t hearing the words,
“I need you.”
“I want you.”
“I love you.”  
I can love myself all I want,
but it never seems to be enough.

Take away my feelings,
You take the
press, **** and poke,
the nudge, palm and *****;
my caress, hug and tap,
my hold, tag and grip.
where's embrace, wrap and push,
entwine, rub and clutch;
                 and more.
take a glance, paw and grasp,
a nuzzle, scratch or clasp;
an itch, clench and handle,
my entangle and ******
all gone... all lost.

They have taken away my touch,
Making it hard to say Good-bye.

Every smile,
every touch
and every word
we ever shared were
poems unto themselves.

enlighten my lips without touching my soul
seize the moment and commit
take me by storm and submit yourself to the sensation
leave me wanting for what has been forgotten
what has been forgotten
forgotten
enlighten me.....

Brian Hill - 2020 # 248