Rest did not come find me last night
Instead I laid wide awake staring at the ceiling

Now exhaustion sits on my shoulder
Smirking and taunting me

So I pop a coffee sweet
Bitter alertness rolls over my tongue

But exhaustion returns, a sly fox
Dragging my eyelids down, stealing my strength

So I take another sweet
This one just as bitter as the last

The day crawls by and once again,
The wold is getting fuzzy…

Another one swallowed
And soon, I’ll need to buy a new supply

"No, not like that. That's not how
You're supposed to behave around
Other people. What will they
Think of you now?
What will they say?
Stop moving, they're going to
Stare at you.
You're being too
Loud.
Chin down. You look proud.
Why can't you smile more?
They didn't approach you before
You did them because you feel
Like an ah lian. No one
Wants to deal
With you. You're no fun
To be with. Stop talking.
No more dancing while walking.
Don't waste their time. No.
You can tell they want you to go
Away.
Why are you so
Emo
Today?
What's wrong with you?
What're you trying to do?
Why are you intruding? They
Don't need you to stay.
Stop disturbing people. Go make
More friends, you loner. Can take
Less food or not? You need
A 23-
Inch waist, I say already.
Ayah, not smart enough.
Why so weak? It's not that tough.
Wash your face
And wake up. This place
Is too
Good for you."
See?
It's easy
To be
My own Asian aunty.

You are tired, I can

see through you, you're beautiful --


my private spirit.

On the windowsill, all flailing
Legs and desperation—
At times, it attempts to fly
Away, but soon enough it gives
That up as if to say,
“I can’t.”

The movements get smaller and
Slower, but occasionally there are bouts
Of hysteria
(𝙒𝙃𝙔 𝙈𝙀)
Until eventually nothing is left but a
Feeble twitch and really the question
That you should be asking is:
“Is it still alive?”

It is still alive.

It is still alive but it is tired.

Slowly…
Slowly…
Slowly…