Down,
           Down,
                       Down.
The farther I fall the darker it gets,
Lost,  
         Lost,
                   Lost.
Everywhere around me I feel these threats.

I’m falling faster but I can’t slow down,
All these eyes are looking at me as I look around.
My head is shrinking, and it begins to pound,
An escape is nowhere to be found.

Can someone help me?
Can I even be seen?
Please just somebody, Please just help me get free.

Stuck in a loop, forever feeling alone,
Putting myself out there but I remain unknown.
I just want someone to see my true self,
I’m tired of putting her away on the shelf.

I fall faster into the deep abyss,
The old times I simply reminisce.
As the loop continues, the void grows,
I feel like I’m dead and I’ve begun to decompose.

Falling,    
             Falling,
                          Falling.
Is anyone out there?
Alone,
            Alone,
                       Alone.
Now I’m losing my air.

I feel so far removed from the carefree days of my youth
From when the wind brushed my face
I could smile without feeling an ache inside
Now our souls have become dark
My aura is charcoal
Clear waters have become blood stained
My disappointment runs deeper than a bottomless pit
And I still don't have the answers

the hours slept matters not
body and mind is tired no matter what
a cup of coffee gone cold
spark is gone, warmth the hearth cant hold
the only thing constant is doubt
what is life really about?
existing in a place
a house, but not a home
life as cluttered as this poem
meaning as clouded as in a storm
how low can i go?
only after this downward spiral will i know.

love
is complicated
and happy
and sad
and relaxing
and anxious
all at the same time

do you even love me
why do you love me?
how can you love me
when i'm so broken
when i'm so ruined
when i'm so ugly
do
you
even
have
a
clue
how messed up i am

i can't even tell you how i feel properly
and i'm vomiting out the words on pages of letters
emails
i will never send
letters
you will never read
my depression?
you don't need to know

your girl
is perfectly fine
she's whole
and not broken
and not bruised
and not hurt

i love you baby
i love you
you are the stars in my sky
you're a whole constellation
and this is love
this is love
this is love
is this love?

can you call this love

exhaustion
drifting through our days
taping eyes open
shaking ourselves awake
all this starvation and deprivation
of today's nation
yearning for another minute of shut-eye
while staying up staring at screens
late at night

Wave after wave we rode the highs,
Steadying our footing before the next rise,
It all crashes into laughter and the salty foam,
Time flew by as the clouds framed the setting sun,
Lighting our path as the time came to head back home.

I lived in the fleeting moments loving the rush of being alive,
Forgetting about the dark night that lay over the horizon,
As we crossed the threshold back into our abode,
The interlude ended as the last light receded from the windows,
Leaving me in unattended in the murk of my thoughts.

Unequipped for the blackness that glared at me,
I searched for a glimmer of a forgotten dream,
There was once a fire that shone bright my hopes & ambitions,
Not even embers remain that I may stoke a new flame,
Aimlessly I move through the motions of the daily mundane.

Slowly collapsing under the unbearable weight,
Wishing that I could find meaning in life,
Or give up altogether and end it tonight,
"Why am I even here?" Echoes back at me from the dark,
I fear there is nothing else left for me here.