these few days
sleep has been
something not so
easy to go in
i feel myself
drift off
for but a second
till a cough
or a sneeze
or an itch
wakes me up
from this ditch
and brings me back
into reality
sections at a time
then the sun shines at me
and really i go to sleep
for the serenity; the peace
but i find none
just black before my eyes
and a headache
i’m awake, just, in disguise
either that or
i’m awake somewhere else
in a dream or a nightmare
i’ve got to help myself
i never find myself
in that state of mind
being rested being well
i wish there to reside

T-rust lost.
I-ronically hopeful.
R-espectfully alone.
E-ndlessly worried.
D-irty promises.

I realized something about myself,
That wasn't what it seemed to be.
I can whether any circumstance,
I'll make it through and be just fine,
No matter what.
And I found such relief in that moment -
Assurance, solace, peace.
Then more time passed, and passed, and passed,
And now I can only laugh and grit my teeth
Thinking back on my own naivety.
Because now I know what it really means,
I will never see the end - never see the light.
I'll just carry on and on and on,
And it builds up inside, so quickly
Too quickly.
And it's so ******* heavy, actually
And I am just so ******* tired
Of all this ******* trudging.

Tell me what to feel
Tell me how to be
I'm tired
It's too much wondering for me

But if I'll know which way to go
I'll be revived, I'll do it all

Tell me where I failed
Tell me if I'm good
I cannot decide alone
There was a time I could

Say, can you take the lead?
And fix the broken me?

Tell me where it went wrong
Tell me, have I ever had a chance?
I'm scared of the beginning
I'm not sure how it will end

At night it all seems worst
The days are now the same
Time heals all
When there's no cure, that's what they say

dont feel sad if you are not who you used to be
you are just homesick
you are just tired
you are just going home

I force myself under the water,
Feeling the cold invade my mind,
My skin tightening against the attack,
Shuddering,
But yet,
When I come out the other side,
I feel the hot sun on my skin,
Making all that cold suddenly feel worth it.