Stress keeps piling up
I adjust
And make room
For it
So it’s all manageable

At this point it feels like
All the domino chips
Are lined up
And I’m just waiting
For a flick
Till it all comes crashing
Down

Is R E A L I T Y even R E A L ?
Lately I can barely even F E E L .

                                                        I'm trying to F I N D ,
                                                        Why I've had a battle in my M I N D .

                              I watch as people L I E ,
                              Leaving the others to just sit and  C R Y .

Humans are evil, we let others  H U R T ,
And although it's not okay it makes them A L E R T .
                                                          
    ­                                                      I guess everything has a R E A S O N ,
                                                          Just like each and every S E A S O N .

                              So to answer my own question, L I F E is R E A L ,
                              And it's quite a big D E A L .

People will always worry,
           That doesn't make me hate it any less.
People will always worry,
                 But I don't have much of a choice I guess.
People will always worry,
                             I hate that word so, so much.
People will always worry,
                                        It just has a sour sort of touch.
People will always worry,
People will always worry,
People will always worry,
People will always worry,
                                         All because of that one night,
                                                                        When I tried to shut out the light.

i’m currently writing this on tear stained paper
right next to my journal entries from a year ago.
first off i just want to say,
promises don’t last.

there’s something about being so close to the edge but knowing you’re not going to fall.

looking at my feet dangling off the end of a cliff..
i love it.

it’s so on edge
but also so secure
because unless an accident happened..
you’re not going to randomly just fall over.
you’ve sat your whole life since you were a baby.
you’re not going to randomly tip over

for example when you sit in a chair..
you trust yourself enough to eat at a table with confidence that you’re not going to just fall off of your chair..

yet we are so frightened by the idea of an edge
of pain
of the end
the end of what..us? you..? me..?
there is no end according to my town growing up, you live forever.
because of God..? right..?
we go on into heaven.
so even when we push the edge.. they shouldn’t fear right??
because they live on.??
lol where is God when you die?
idk

and i don’t think i want to know
because even though we truly have nothing to fear except the unknown

none of us trust ourselves enough
or dare ourselves to push the edge
to get that slight rush followed by the relief of:
“hmm that’s not so bad”

it’s so peaceful.

idk sometimes i feel like i’m just idling on the edge of a cliff and i just want to ******* gas it

he promised me in thirty years we’d be sitting on this rock and thinking about how amazing life is
ha and guess what?

he lied
life is ******.

kinda wanna die right now

A pressure's rising within me
Snap. That's how it'll be.

I've plotted a hundred,
thousand, no- a million ways to do it.

I've yet to act on a single one.
But oh, how I long for it.

Face-value lies are my strong suit,
it lets me hide just below the surface.

And if someone really thought to look,
they'd find me.

Sitting in the corner, face twisted
into ugly despair without tears.

The pressure is too much,
like a taught bow-string.

It needs release.
I need relief.

It'd be easy to get some,
the tools are right in front of me.

It's been a long debated scenario in my head,
I can't imagine a life where I live to be over twenty.

Everyone is starting to plan their future without me already,
so why the hell should I bother them?

Friends come and go,
It's not like I'm special in there eyes...right?

But it would leave people haunted,
and they don't deserve to be a part of my burden like that.

No matter how cruel they can be...
The only one I can bring myself to loathe is me.

if sleep is for the weak, why aren’t i strong?
clearly that saying is nothing but wrong
but i’m forced to smile when people play along
“oh i couldn’t sleep either! i can relate”
i wouldn’t wish this on my terrible roommate
to lie in bed as i deteriorate
knowing the next morning will retaliate
i’ll barely be able to make it through the day
or much less hide my decay
it hurts when you don’t understand what i say
i wasn’t anxious or in complete disarray
i’m genuinely insane or at least halfway
you don’t know what it does to a person to be forced to stay awake
i’ve tried everything, even posting want ads
in hopes to find the sleep everyone else seems to have
i cry every night, not because i’m sad
but because i’m so frustrated with my new fad
of staying awake all hours of the night
ignoring the aching i’m given out of spite
it’s enough to make me wish to run into the light
and finally reward myself with a sleep filled night
the problem is i’m a bit of a socialite
i keep what i go through out of sight
if i don’t i may be viewed as impolite
for speaking only of struggle in search of a spotlight
so every night i’m filled with nausea
at the dread of wanting to avoid the phenomena
of another sleepless night of ignoring the obvious
my brain is sick because I have insomnia

Our goal
was to end up together.

I guess the mountain
proved too high for us.