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Faith Jan 2020
Started off last year
Depressed and suicidal
Wish I knew all the things then
That only now I know
I hated myself
And pushed everyone I loved away
Nearly killed myself March 26th
Praying I could survive until May

Finally it came
Graduated 8th grade
That school year felt like living Hell
Lost my best friend and my life I almost paid
Moved across the country
Leaving everyone behind
Decided I could start new
Looking at what I could find

I went to a summer camp
And I renewed my relationship with the Lord
Came back a changed girl
Love instead of hate as my sword
I started high school
New friends came plus stayed with an old one
I met my dream guy
And we somehow fell in love

I'm starting this year brand new
And I know, you can do it too
I know I'm a little late to post a new year poem, but I havent been able to access the site for a few days. Hope you find some inspiration here!
Spades Jan 2020
Does Sadness still keep you up at night? She doesn’t leave you alone does she? And Anxiety never shuts up either I’m sure.
Why put up with those two any longer?

I’m your only real friend, don’t you remember? Don’t you remember you wrote about me 2 years ago?
You said I was your only friend, I’m sure you haven’t forgotten.
So why do you keep ******* pushing me away?
Why don’t you let me help you, I only want what’s best for you.

Why don’t you listen to me, I make it so easy for you.
I was the one who put that gun in your hand, so why did you ******* bury it away?
I was the one who put that knife in your drawer, so why haven’t you ******* used it yet?
I was the one who put that rope under your bed, so why are you still ******* breathing?

I’m just trying to help you man, can’t you see?
Can’t you see if you die your life will become complete?
That rope is still where you left it Elyad.
That Knife is still where you left it Elyad.
That ******* gun is still where you buried it Elyad so go ******* dig it out and finish what we started.

I was the only one to ever stick up for you, do you really want to disappoint me?
I was your only friend, I’m still your only friend, just trust me.

You won’t regret it.
Marks the end of my 3 part story. Maybe you’ll understand a little more about the stupid voices I talk to everyday
Empire Jan 2020
I’ve been happy today
It’s... it’s been so long...
I... I feel okay
I feel... human...
I feel... I feel like living
It was nice to hear you say...
Empire Dec 2019
My heart aches
I can’t survive being alone
It’s such an empty existence
Everything is meaningless
No one is around to care
But I’m really ill
And I’m only getting worse
What do you expect
When the invalid is left
To care for herself?

I’m working
I’m trying
I take my medicine
I bandage my own wounds
But the more I patch myself up
The more I wonder why it matters
Why should I bother getting better
If no one even noticed I was ill...
If no one seems to care...
If I don’t really care anymore...
I don’t really care to see myself get better anymore... I don’t care if I have a future or not...
Spades Dec 2019
I was never broke, but I live a broken life
From the moment I was born I never saw the light
I don't even have an idea of what the light looks like
Or what warmth love or safety felt like

But since I was 16 I found something, something that would give me hope
I found a person who I thought could help me rebuild, help me finally fix me
But she was nothing but a cup of poison, the Devil in disguise
Because after I dropped everything in my life for her she took it and ran
She took whatever was left of my heart and crushed it
She took away my ability to trust then called me a kid

A ******* kid

She was the first person I took my walls down for
She was the first person I met that I would die for
I would do anything everything and more for her
Because the love I had for her was nothing but more than pure

She gave me hope
She showed me a ray of light
The first glimpse I ever had, it was beautiful
It was so **** beautiful

What am I supposed to do now
What do I do after the first person I trust left me
What do I do after the first person I loved cheated on me
What am I supposed to do after 2 years of dating
Just to be alone again
Someone just help me not feel alone anymore
Tony Tweedy Dec 2019
So many days spent wishing to be somewhere, with someone.
Endlessly needing to feel that someone somewhere needs me.
So tired of feeling and being empty. So empty from feeling tired.
So tired of just being.

Moving from nothing to nowhere and back again. Some days just too tired and empty to even deal with nothing and nowhere. Never changing, never varied and oh so never ending.
So tired of just being.

Repetition that drains, that saps, that devours and consumes.
Eating away just a little more of who I was, who I can be.
Eroding piece by piece who I was and how I see myself.
So tired of just being.

Pointless, aimless, redundant so totally without purpose.
Devoid of reasons to wake and no rest though I sleep.
So much time wasted, abused, misused, cursed and loathed.
So tired of just being.
I hate the darkness when it comes.... it drags me endlessly deeper....
At least as a spiral I control the descent to some degree. I used to plummet in free-fall.
Empire Dec 2019
It’s funny how quickly
You can swallow pills
I wondering how daring I could be
How many before I sleep
I can feel them in my limbs
The looseness off my arms
Weight of my eyelids...
But it’s not enough
I’m not numb enough yet
I’m still awake
Put me to sleep
I don’t wanna be awake
I DON’T WANT TO BE AWAKE

They kept me from my knife
Little white pills won over metal
Cause I can’t remember what was wrong
Idk why I was upset
But idk
Maybe I’ll just cut myself anyway
Just to ******* feel it
Maybe I just want to
Maybe I just want to bleed
Maybe I’ll just take one more....
Then watch me bleed
I’m not nearly numb enough yet
Can’t even remember how many I’ve taken...
Laiba Dec 2019
Life is a small word

But we take its meaning way too far
Sad truth
Empire Dec 2019
Trigger warning: Suicide


What’s it like
To want to live?
To fall asleep with a desire to wake?

How do you look forward to things
When everything is wrong
And excitement
Only brings disappointment?

I can’t remember
Days I wanted to be alive

I can’t find anything worth living for
I can feel it in my body
The aching everywhere
Crying out in existential agony
Because I don’t want to be here
And it knows that
My heart and body know it
But I can’t... I can’t quite do it

So I just... I wonder about people
What keeps them all alive?

They have something I do not

But I fear it’s something I cannot have
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