I am on a diet
from sharp knives

I have been fasting
for about two months

Here is my clean
untouched wrists

But what if I got thirsty
for a drop of my blood?

What if I got hungry, and swallowed
all the knives in the kitchen drawer?

So confusing, constantly shifting
Scattered across my life
Pieces to the puzzle, constantly drifting
Started from the middle, can't find the edges
Life's little things always in chaos
Big picture got me gazing over ledges
Thinking death ain't so scary
Not suicidal
Just a little confused, thoughts always contrary


Tell me I'm worthless
Don't deserve no one
Tell me I'm perfect
Ain't deserved by no one
Voices in my head
Their never done
Always one last thing to be said
I don't get any peace
And I don't get no love

My head in her lap
Fingers through my hair
So close to a relapse
Had she not been there
But she don't remember a thing
To much wine and revelry
And I can't say a thing
For fear of her leaving
For fear, fear of her staying

What do I do
If she says no
What do I do
If she says yes
How can I live my life
At the end of this rope
Pull the knot, Kick the chair
But I ain' wanna go there
To much commitment
Look I'm scared
Had to many people in my life walk away
To many times where I forgot what to say
To many ******* times
Couldn't read their minds

trigger warning: idk blood


i must be losing my mind

sitting here staring at the blood on my wrist
man... it's all over my wrist....
i could do more... but i ought to stop

but here i am...
just looking at it...
laughing...

i've found myself
in some delirious place
where the pain... it's funny
'cause there's so much
it's so ******* bad...
all i can do
is laugh
and bleed
and cry

Why do I feel the only way to start all over again is to be reborn?
Why do I feel the only answer is to leave everything behind?
Why do I feel everything is not okay and it will never be?
Why do I feel everything is falling apart and there is nothing I can do to stop it?
Why do I feel like exhaling one last breath and then leave with a smile?

There is nothing else in my mind but to just leave and let go completely.

I remember the supervised showers
The crushed ice
The cries at night
The feeling of losing control
The idea that earbuds with the right twist and ties could make me die
The sewn on pillowcases
The weapon in scissors, mirrors, handles, sheets, bedposts, bags, shampoo, straps, glass, pens
The misdemeanor
The boy who’s anorexia was his slow suicide
The girl with two siblings that killed themselves
How everyone wanted to **** themself
The 7-year-old that only cried
The lime green hallways that haunt my mind

trigger warning: suicide


you asked
you finally asked me
you asked if i was suicidal
and i heard it in your voice
you begged me to say no
so i did

but i lied