I don’t know why i’m reminiscing,
but you remind me of last summer
the sun is gently stroking your roof
while i think of my dark lover

The light blue crumbling facade
gives me the pain of longing
for a home that makes me wonder
if i’ll see another morning

It’s an eerie mystery
why i prefer a thunderstorm
the erratic and the uncanny
over a sacred place of warmth

I want your roof to be blown off,
i want to scream and cry
for i know love needs to be rough
like nature is sublime

The smoke of my death certificate fades into the ether of the night
It is not my first.
It is not my last.
The beacon amplifies the smoke
It dances in the gleam of the incandescence
To track its path is to count the sands of the Sahara
It waltzes like a paranoid ghost showering upwards
Shimmying like an epileptic schizoid on a carousel
Jostling in an undefined constraint

I'd give my life
To resurrect the love
We once shared
Except it was never there
Only a wild imagination it was
On my part
A fantasy never to become reality.

Nevertheless I held on
Hoping, and praying
That I'd be one day awoken
From a nightlong nightmare
Into the light of day
Yet it seemed to only lengthen
The more I waited.

Being but a mortal being
My hopes dashing
My fears multiplying
Slowly breathing in my fate
Accepting reality as it is
But still hoping, and praying
To arise to the light of day.

I wasn't expecting,
This evening,
To want your presence
And need your warmth
As much as I do.
Tonight
I shamefully realise
That I want you
To encompass me
With complete protection,
Endless protection,
Unwavering protection.
I do and do not want you
To lash out at all who have hurt,
Will hurt.
I want to know that,
Were I standing next to you
With tears running down my cheeks,
That you would hold me still,
Peer deeply into my eyes,
And ask what is wrong.
Draw me into you
If I had no answer.
Tonight
I shamefully realise
That I want you
To cry when I cry.
And I wonder
If there has ever been a time
Where you have wept
Until you felt
You might never stop.
And if not,
How you have lived so long
Without feeling so deeply,
So desperate,
So frightened,
So happy,
So relieved.
Tonight
I shamefully realise
That I want to be
Both strong enough to hold you
And weak enough to be held
Well enough for you to love me,
Sick enough to hear that love
Over and again,
Over and again.
I want you to be
One step ahead,
Tapping into what is coming,
What might hurt,
What might scar,
What might send me reeling
And hurtling backwards.
Tonight I realise
You are here and not here,
How I miss the nights
We will not spend together.
Yet how precious
How sacred
How gentle
Those nights would have had to be,
And anything less
Might have hurt or scarred
Reeling, hurtling.
I trust it would have been nothing less.
And then do not trust.
You fluctuate like a sheet on a line,
Back and forth in the wind.
And though I know why,
I want to take you down
And wrap you tightly around me,
Then lay you upon the bed
And curl into you.
And I'd say,
Hello. I am here.
Life is here.
All worlds are here.
All words are here.
Breath is here.
Reason is here.
Tears and depth,
Life and death,
Hunger and thirst
Light and dark,
Love and love and love -
All here.
Until you broke and wept
And I mended and laughed
Until together we met -
With release
And relief.
Both healed
And ready to grow
A single stem.

Stop wasting my time,
Let us go and unwind
Fete over, then rewind?
Stop messing with my mind.

Don't stop one more time
No secret, it ain't a crime,
Just for me? You're so kind
Yes, I know, I'm sublime.

Your love's abiding,
You got what I'm craving
You're there when my world's caving
Cause of you, I'm still surviving.

When I'm abominable
Your love's like a cradle
Whoa, don't break the table
****, you know you're able.

You are heaven-sent,
Hate it when you're absent,
So accustomed to your sent,
Of your love, I'm absorbent.