The year I almost drowned
was the year I learned to swim.
I was weighed down pound by pound
and things were looking grim.
My arms flailing; began to tire
and my mouth was tasting salt,
just days ago I warmed myself by fire
and by lying on the asphalt.

Shadow stalks and kicking rocks;
irrelevant if your shoes are tied.
Checking locks and kicking rocks
get carried away by the tide.

The year I almost drowned
was the year I learned to swim.
I could view the sandy ground,
though the image was quite dim.
My head; just barely above the water
and desperately I was gasping for air,
and I could swear it was getting hotter
but the temperature was actually fair.

I’ve got currents and tides
within my mind.
And when I finally rip out my insides;
more water and waves you’ll find.

The year I almost drowned
was the year I learned to swim.
While being tossed and pushed around
I discovered I had every limb.
I could see a shoreline in the distance
it’s beaches with perfect white sand.
It seemed within an instance
I started treading steadily with each hand.

My mind is a tempest,  
thoughts clash and collide,  
a bluster of worries  
I can’t seem to hide.
It feels like a storm-tossed sea,  
where wild waves surge with the tide,  
bearing burdens heavy as anchors,  
as my heart sinks,
pulling me down,  
with a weight that drags me under,  
while I helplessly drown.  
I look up to the heavens,  
yearning for a tranquil sky,  
somewhere beyond this suffocating grey,  
to soothe my restless soul,  
to find a way  
to simply rest  
and call it a day.

©️Lizzie Bevis

Once I tried to convince myself that it was seasonal,
And that it would pass like the chilly weather.

Then flowers started to blossom,
But I was still stuck in the bud of my mind
And birds came back from migration,
But my happiness didn't.
Though there were no more flurries of snow in the air,
There were still blizzards in me.

Now, I wasn't only freezing,
But I was alone.
While my teeth were chattering,
I watched everyone else have fun in the sun.
With no one here, no one to snuggle up with, it's impossible to keep warm.
I tried to reach out at least a hand to their summer world,
But it could never reach me.
It's almost like I have a repellent on me,
And no matter how hard i scrub,
It always remains.
But of course, I'm not going to drag others into this winter with me.
Because I know the nature of it.
And I wouldn’t want to inflict it on anyone;
Once it begins, it'll never end.

This eternal winter
has no escape.
This eternal winter
Will be the death of me.

My head says go,
but my gut says stay.
Please tell me that you don’t want me to go.
Let me stay by your side.

it comes and
goes,
one way or
another,
from high to
low.

Life tests you in ways unimaginable
to one whom has never lived
outside the palace of shimmering glass,
unclothed in mist-soft silks,
unwarmed by gourmet delights.

unfathomable.

those highs and lows
of life.

to all but they whom have struggled
to find warmth,
to quench thirst,
to fill heart and belly.

incomprehensible.

I can feel them.
Banging! On the big steel wall.
Their sounds are muffled never quite taking shape.

I press my ear right up close
to see if I can    just.        get.         one.
One little breakthrough and I know it will break the dam.

My frustration is building,
because I have these ideas,
but that means nothing,
when I can’t get them down.

Words don’t fit together right.
Or translate the way that I’d like.
There’s this massive block within my mind.
I wish I could just make it say goodbye.