Sometimes I have to wonder
Who would I have been
Had lonely days of torture
Not left white marks on my skin

Was I always doomed to be
A broken girl with a broken heart
Or did somewhere along the way
I make a choice to fall apart

Would I have been happy
And would I have been whole
Would I have not lost
All the things this struggle stole

Would I have known sorrow
Would I have known pain
Would my heart have worn
This repulsive ****** stain

I would’ve held together
I wouldn’t have fallen apart
And maybe there’d be a delicate
Sort of beauty to my heart

But the person I would have been
Would’ve been far too weak
Not able to live through the struggle
Unable to find words to speak

Kept quiet by her life’s perfection
Silenced by her world’s clear skies
Pacified with fluffy clouds
Never to hear her own heart’s cries

Now I’ll be hurt, and I’ll be broken
But I’ll wear my scars like jewels
And today I know what they
Can’t seem to teach in schools

I know just how to come alive
I know how to live through this rain
And isn’t it dangerous that
I know how to live with pain

I won’t be silenced anymore
Because my fluffy clouds turned black
I lost the battle to win the war
And I’m done looking back

I’m not who I could have been
And when I start to wonder,
I remind myself, only under dark clouds
Are there roars of thunder

I live for pleasure
And it bores me.
Out of measure,
I live deplorably.
In all frankness,
I always tell lies.
Reality is a mess
I lately despise.
Why not let go?
Why not fritter away?
Because I may never grow
Lest I see the end of the day.

I used to feel the darkness inside me
I didn't want it to touch anyone else
I felt afraid for the people in my life
I kept myself ten arms length away
I'm sure they saw parts of me the best
But I couldn't stomach that thought
I know now that the darkness isn't real
It still feels just as real as it used to
I know I'm not bad though
It just feels like I am
I wasn't allowed to feel when I was young
I had to sacrifice my own feelings
Or I could not have survived
And survive I did
I was taught that feeling made me bad
That my feelings were unlovable
Emotional numbness saved my life then
But it doesn't help me anymore
And I want to turn it off so badly
I just don't know how to do that yet
I'm learning about myself and my feelings
I still feel so afraid
I feel afraid to see myself and let others see me
I still feel like a bad person who deserves the pain
I still feel alone and tortured in my head
I still feel afraid of my feelings
I am starting to love myself though
And despite being petrified of emotion
I am excited to learn more of who I am
And I'm excited to get better

Let me run with the runaways
Chasing the paper while my enemies are right behind
Were on a mision to disobey
Break all the rules and keep the ones we like
Like coming  back at my own time
Even though im still a child
Cause i think im old enough
How wrong am i
Walking into the unknown like i know
What i know you've known for a long time
But i think i know better
Late nights of unknown dreams
2A.M is the time of the nights i spend thinking about you
That i cant be my own man until i get my own  house
That I own no man's daughter unless i put a ring on her finger
That passage walking is why clean dudes  get robbed
Dangerous ****** like to grab and hold
With a grip strong as a lion's jaw
But i am slippery like a frog i'll find a way to escape
That I walk far away from these wall during dawn
Cause they can  turn those walls into a cage
Surrounde  by gang
People who want what they want
Even life is not guaranteed
So what ever price you have in your pocket
Just hand it over
They prefer to walk in a pack
Wolves ready to jump on an opportunity
Any one who looks innocent could be next in line
With nice kicks ,that tells everything about  where his from
So dodgy areas aint the place to be singing about sunshine and rainbows

With a pure heart  ,I can greet you
But with a ***** mind i can decieve you
My best poems are written after midnight
Where only sinners know
Demons using their souls as a 9-5

Listening to cars where driving is a man's 9-5

He who drive is in danger
But those who walk have seen death a thousand
For a thousand lives that never came home .

Empty pockets
Spread threadbare,
Growling stomachs
Ached despair.
Ain't no money to see
In this mess of a reverie.
Cold winters kissing me,
Smokey wind upon my door.

If only I had one...

I'd be all set,
Chaufer driving me
To my charming jet.
My honey and I
Would always kiss sweet,
Never having to worry
About what to eat.

If only...
life weren't so grim.
Poverty & cheap thrills
Wearing my spirits thin.
My charcuterie is plastic,
So is my base lifestyle.
I'm dreary eyed with things drastic,
Trying to chase a break for a while.
But my blues are static
And they're charging me up
Just to drive me wild.