Following the path less taken
Over all the low roads and
Routes plummeting towards the craven
Gateways of Hell takes the travelers
Into enlightenment. Those who avoid Satan's
Vengeance and forked whispers
Emerge from the waters of the lake in
Nature's womb veiled in holy layers
Encompassing their soul. This ache in
Society seeps into the bones of naysayers
Slandering the purging powers of equal pardon.

Sometimes I have to wonder
Who would I have been
Had lonely days of torture
Not left white marks on my skin

Was I always doomed to be
A broken girl with a broken heart
Or did somewhere along the way
I make a choice to fall apart

Would I have been happy
And would I have been whole
Would I have not lost
All the things this struggle stole

Would I have known sorrow
Would I have known pain
Would my heart have worn
This repulsive ****** stain

I would’ve held together
I wouldn’t have fallen apart
And maybe there’d be a delicate
Sort of beauty to my heart

But the person I would have been
Would’ve been far too weak
Not able to live through the struggle
Unable to find words to speak

Kept quiet by her life’s perfection
Silenced by her world’s clear skies
Pacified with fluffy clouds
Never to hear her own heart’s cries

Now I’ll be hurt, and I’ll be broken
But I’ll wear my scars like jewels
And today I know what they
Can’t seem to teach in schools

I know just how to come alive
I know how to live through this rain
And isn’t it dangerous that
I know how to live with pain

I won’t be silenced anymore
Because my fluffy clouds turned black
I lost the battle to win the war
And I’m done looking back

I’m not who I could have been
And when I start to wonder,
I remind myself, only under dark clouds
Are there roars of thunder

I live for pleasure
And it bores me.
Out of measure,
I live deplorably.
In all frankness,
I always tell lies.
Reality is a mess
I lately despise.
Why not let go?
Why not fritter away?
Because I may never grow
Lest I see the end of the day.

I used to feel the darkness inside me
I didn't want it to touch anyone else
I felt afraid for the people in my life
I kept myself ten arms length away
I'm sure they saw parts of me the best
But I couldn't stomach that thought
I know now that the darkness isn't real
It still feels just as real as it used to
I know I'm not bad though
It just feels like I am
I wasn't allowed to feel when I was young
I had to sacrifice my own feelings
Or I could not have survived
And survive I did
I was taught that feeling made me bad
That my feelings were unlovable
Emotional numbness saved my life then
But it doesn't help me anymore
And I want to turn it off so badly
I just don't know how to do that yet
I'm learning about myself and my feelings
I still feel so afraid
I feel afraid to see myself and let others see me
I still feel like a bad person who deserves the pain
I still feel alone and tortured in my head
I still feel afraid of my feelings
I am starting to love myself though
And despite being petrified of emotion
I am excited to learn more of who I am
And I'm excited to get better