i wish i was an only child
but sometimes i dont
my sister
she shares
she loves
she laughs
but all i respond with is a hit
a yell
a scream
all i am is mean
and sometimes i wish
she was an only child

Eleven year difference
What does that mean?
It means she is a toddler
And I am a teen
But our relationship is still so bitter sweet

I despised my little sister
Her mother I wasn’t impressed
Perhaps we shared a parent
But still I saw her different
Her mother she expressed

Two years it took
Finally, I opened my arms
She is not her mother
She actually has a heart
And I began to see God’s work of art

I sit here beside my sister
Four years have gone by
She represents a piece of me
A piece of my family
Her mother she never was

Grief's heavy mist descends upon my soul
A sorrow so profound, it takes its toll
Like autumn leaves, joy withers away
Leaving emptiness, night's dark gray

Pain's sharp edges cut through every breath
A constant ache, a hollowed depth
Longing to turn back time's relentless hand
To hold what's lost, in a fading land

Tears fall like rain, a deluge of pain
As memories haunt, like a refrain
Echoes of laughter, now taunt my mind
A bittersweet reminder, forever left behind

In this dark valley, I search for a way
To navigate the shadows, night and day
To find solace, a respite from the pain
And learn to live with the ache, again and again

Grief's journey is long, winding, and slow
But even in darkness, seeds of hope grow.

Beautiful impressions as it seemed
Become a sister in your dreams
But she's just crook who just caught

Mother gave it her all
She wanted everything all
No wonder why I left

Now she sit on her throne
On my brother's backbone
Praying for It's greed

That all familiar evil act
Will stab people at the back
Break all soul, it's time to go

The first one whom we compare,
That can drive apart the bond we despair
Until we admit we truly care
We’re as separate as the endless stare:
At her hair, height, weight and flare,
Compassion frees us, so we can truly share
The life we’re born to live, she with me, here.

These are confessions I can never send.
Because they blatantly won't understand
and that is something I need to get,
They don't care for me enough to accept the ways they hurt me and say sorry.

They are hypocrites,
Because they want me to stay weary.
They want me to always let go and cry alone.
They don't care if around them I'm woeful.

Mom,
You always said I was in the wrong,
Cleaning and chores were our only "bond"
You never chose me unless you could brag.

Dad,
You broke my heart,
You'd catch me when I'd fall
But never stuck up for me in the end.  

Mom chooses to make me a villain,
All I wanted was her acceptance
but she sees me as a sinner who's selfish,
I should put my pain aside and pretend I'm good.

I will be left to wonder forever,
Why my pain doesn't matter
In comparison to my sister,
Why am I less accepted when I'm in pain?

Dad loves me because he sees himself in me.
I look like him, we share a hobby
but growing up I believed that was the only thing he loved about me
Because one moment he'd be there, but would runaway when I needed him most.

Alone, he would listen,
He would say he'd help me
But in front my mom he was different.
Suddenly, what we said in the car was insignificant.

I'm an adult who doesn't know her needs, wants, and likes
Because I spent my life trying to be accepted.
No one taught me how to accept myself,
Or how to know what I need or want.

If someone cared unconditionally,
I clinged to them.
I hoped they'd never leave,
because I never got that from my family.

Now I'm in therapy, crying in every session
That I'm hurt again because of them,
Or hurt by myself because
I don't know who I am.

I'm anxious,
You called and said you want to meet
A few hours away,
With her and me.

You know about the drama,
The way I feel about things
I'm sure she's said more
But which will you believe?