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If you’re reading this right now,
It means I’m done with you forever.
Minor lies revealed somehow,
And no, your lust was never clever.
I tried to hide it all in,
But what can you do when gaslighted.
Know we never had shared sin,
Angels clash, no longer love sided.
So this is my goodbye too,
Realizing the world what it is.
Sick and twisted to a coup,
Never questioning nor could be quiz.
I pray your god you’re not real,
Too fake for heaven to deal…
forgive me, mother
for i have sinned
i let the boy you warned me about in
not just into my body
but into my thoughts
my breath
my dreams
i let him press his mouth against my skin
i told myself it was love
that maybe if i stayed quiet enough
still enough
holy enough
God wouldn't see.
but i felt Him watching.
and i felt my dignity dying
the weight of every lesson you've ever taught me
raining down onto me in an instant
be pure for your husband.
be good.
be better than your temptations
i tried, mother.
God, i tried.
but he held me in his arms like
i was a sacred artifact
and i wanted to so badly believe i was
even if just for a moment
even if it was all a lie
afterwards, i wiped the lipstick from my mouth
as if it could undo the way i melted when he crooned my name
i lit a candle.
i knelt on my knees until they ached
i whispered apologies to God
in a dark room, wearing clothes that smelt like him
i haven't looked you in the eye since, mother
i'm not even sure if it's shame
or the fear that you'll see the truth
written on my skin like scripture:
that i wanted to be touched
that i wanted to be chosen
even if it meant i'd be ruined.
so forgive me, mother
not because i deserve it
but because i now understand
i'll never be whole again
because i feel him in the places
where a rosary should rest
because i know now what i'd done
and i hold it as i hold a hymnal in church.
because of the words stuck inside my throat.
forgive me, mother
i let him in, i let him in.
catholic guilt *****, man. and so does purity culture.
you spoke with your back turned
like nothing was wrong
a kettle sat screaming
its blistering song

your eyes crack with thunder
I don’t look away.
I taste every stormcloud
and swallow the rain

you asked if I loved you
then smirked at the floor
i said it too slowly—
you reached for the door

we fought in the hallway
with breath and with teeth
your moan was a trigger
my ache, underneath

you find every fracture
then press where it stings
You say, “it’s devotion,”
and tighten the strings

we crash into rhythm
too wild to be right
but god, we were holy
in sin and in spite

your hands found the bruises
you’d left there before
you kissed every wound
then begged me for more

but still, when you’re shaking,
and all fury’s gone—
I gather your pieces
and whisper a song

I stitched up the silence
you gave me to keep
and rocked us together
til sorrow found sleep

We curled in the ash
what didn’t survive,
and found even ruin
leaves something alive.
Unholy Love
Enchanting sin
Built on limerence and a lie
Fatally flawed from the first step
Self sacrifice and selfishness
Devotion and disrespect
Honeyed words
A captivating gaze
Intensity in every feeling felt
False promises and ones broken
Can’t put it to words
Nothing can describe
The grasp on mind body and soul

Don’t know the moment I broke free
Or if I ever did at all
Exchanged sin for sin
And you for him
Till I couldn’t anymore
It ate at my soul
Stripped me of my identity
Who I am, what I stand for
My beliefs and my morals
Changed me inherently
In all ways thinkable
Can’t fathom how I can go back
To the person I was before
...gentle breezes
rung the wind chimes
of two hearts
pulsing
for freedom
chorused ecstacy
tickled
the goosepimples
of breathy lovers
caressing
their love-slick bodies
oil
of romance
dripped
sizzling
'pon the ground
of their windswept haven
their sighs
matched the melody
the hollow sighs
of our earth's lungs
for they
were the energy
sustaining
love
and giving atmosphere
to worlds
untold...
Something I'd written last year, 2024, on September 15th, with my soul mate (one of them, at least), who goes by "Audrey", in mind.

Unfortunately, I don't believe she's interested in a life of love with me.
I don't know how this life is going to go, given that.
But, my life's been pretty barren, and a lot of the misery I've experienced in life can be explained by her decisions to abandon me (as well as others making this same decision).

I don't know what drives a woman to be a *******/*** worker, chasing *** with many people rather than monogamous love, as she does, rather than be with me, her soul mate, but I yearn and strive to understand, if not to save her, and other women who commit to making that hollow decision, then, at least, for some semblance of peace.
kate May 14
Inside me are moths.
Obnoxiously flapping, they refuse to resist,
scraping my insides with froth.
Ignoring them, I ball up your collar in my fist.
As harsh as you are, I don’t refuse your kiss.
Goosebumps litter my skin.
“Don’t you have somewhere to be?”, I hiss.
I hate how I fall to my sin.
Entranced by your cursed gaze,
My stomach bursts at the seams.
Flashes of hazel throw me into a daze,
My heart palpitates in broken, unnatural beats that scream for release.
The moths do not release.
This isn’t right.
I wake up in a cold sweat filled with regret.
So He clears my sight.
I pray for satisfaction that I cannot forget.
And so the urge disappears,
Along with fleeting dreams of you and I.
B C Stan Apr 30
To be loved is not a virtue
To be hated is not a sin
Rebecca Apr 28
Oh God, I already knew from the first moment I met you that I would never be like the kids of my age: every night I went to my knees and prayed, it was not a prayer of peace, nor of tranquility, in fact I remember crying and sometimes screaming: ''My God deliver me from this flesh, from this sinful body and let me go with you''. Meanwhile the sweet little friends of mine slept in their homes, not knowing anything.
Jeremy Betts Apr 22
...
if i were to speak out
in a freak out
and let loose
amplifying my truth
most would label it rage
would vote that i continue to keep it in it's cage
no one cares enough to see that it's pain
because then they'd have to study every molecule of rain
and take some accountability for every stain
and so far i've never been worth that
so i lay down my defense in combat
you get the win
apparently life is so broken
that love and devotion
isn't enough to consider a win
in order for me to be wanted
i must accept their sin
but untill i reach perfection
no one finds me enough to put any effort in
so what i'm working towards
is impossible for me to personally imagine
my dream is now a has been
must be flipped upside down to see my grin
someone please say when
if somehow i missed it,
please say it again
...
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