i fell in love with a boy with dark blonde hair and the most beautiful blue green eyes ive ever seen in my life

his smile is so bright that i swear he is a star
he is the sun in my galaxy

his laugh is as warm homemade chicken noodle soup;
so comforting, so nice you could cry

maybe it's a stretch to say that i'm in love
with the way he cheers up the people around him,
taking their hands and leading them into a world
where you can feel safe and finally be yourself
instead of wearing fake masks of happiness in order to protect those around you
from the hurricane you house inside

but even years of depression later,
a simple five minutes with him makes me feel immeasurable happiness

what's his secret?

if only jealousy didn't get the best of me

i wonder why i lie in bed,
daydreaming about a boy i wish i could have
but may never have

i wonder why i can never collect the courage
to just grab his hands
or hold his face and kiss him softly

i wonder why i'm so afraid of ruining our friendship and telling him how i really feel
when i so deeply just want to be his love

i wonder what he would say
if i asked him to stay in my life forever?

i can't even seem to write
without my hands shaking
and feeling like i'm rocking back into oblivion

i can't seem to remember
all the good times i thought we had
but twas not until we went our separate ways
did i realise

you were a flower, shining brightly
soaking up the affection others gave to you
taking it within your cells
manipulating such an innocent love into empowering bloodlust

laced with your unforgiving poison,
you ****** purity and joy out of every person
who showed vulnerability

you were different.
the moment i confronted you,
you hissed at me for my "selfishness and arrogance"
and our love story ends there.

only months later did it hit me
what you'd really intended and done

at one time, you came back, crying to me
and i tried to explain what you'd done,
but you disregarded my attempts and blamed me for your actions.

deceptive little plant,
when will you learn?

"maybe it'll feel like christmas this year,"
i say, time and time again

it's been a year and i still feel the emptiness
the chills up my spine when i hear your name
the coldness of my heart that dropped ten degrees more than it is outside

a present, a kiss, a simple greeting
what does it take to make a holiday happy?

i don't want your ******* pity
i want to be remembered
as something more than just nothing to you

what a tragic love story, a depressing tale  
especially on christmas day
what gift could be any worse
than a broken heart?

salt and flowers,
to the musky smell of ***** on her lips.
who was she without her drinks?

what light her glowing eyes once held
was miserably replaced with emptiness
and the subtle dread of return to reality.

her sobriety was virtually nonexistent,
that wretched glass bottle the barrier
between her conscience and the problems truly inescapable.

she drank her heart out,
as if alcohol could fill her heart
any better than love or hope,
emotions she grew numb to ages ago.

what a sad life it must be,
drinking, the only thing left to hang onto.

but the worst? –
she never admitted her addiction.
the shaking, the blackouts, the dependence
overwhelmed every beautiful thing she used to be.
yet the words,
“i need help,”
never passed her lips once.

days on end,
the world seemed to gray out,
all things sluggish, gloomy,
but only through her eyes.

i held her shaking hands,
numbness and the cold controlling,
anxiety and depression, circulating.

she craved her drinks,
no, needed them,
and fell in love with the lack of feeling.

she felt no guilt for what she did,
“just an escape,”
and she paid a heavy price
for who she chose to be.

alas –
tomorrow is another day.

"tiaras and teacups"
reminds me of the innocence we all held at one point

"broken hearts and bitterness"
shows you how misery can change a lot about someone
you thought you knew