I told you, I don't remember.
Why there's little clumps
of jasmine in my hands
or why I feel hollow all the time.

I told you, I don't remember.
Why I woke up alone in the grave yard.
Not knowing if it was
rain drops or tear tracks on my cheek.

Why there's mud stain and rusted flakes
on my favorite white dress
that can't seem to be gone.
No matter how many times I try to rinse it all away

You asked me where my brother was.
I said, "He's abroad."

I lied.

I don't remember the last time I saw my brother.

Nor the sound of his laughter.
The way he have dimples when he smiles
or the way his eyes would shine bright
every time someone mentioned his family

What I remember are
The weight of a pebble in my palms.
The way your throat will clog up, just like choking,
after sobbing and bleeding out your heart.

These days I wake up crying for something
I can't remember.

Though I do remember,
flashes of quick silver images.
How water can chill you down to the bones,
making your teeth chatter and your heart numb.

How it could fill up your lungs.
Making them heavy and cold
with fluid and guilt.
Drowning you down to the bottom.

Though I don't know how I remember that.
I have never drowned before.

I don't remember how my brother's room looked.
I don't remember where the bed was
nor was it tidy or messy.
I do remember the walls were light blue.

The same kind of blue, painted on frozen lifeless body.

I haven't been in his room for quite a while.
I tried knocking but my hands trembled.
Breathing becomes impossible.
I woke up curled up on the guest bathroom floor.

Though his face grew hazy in my mind.
Funny thing is,
I still remember his favorite book.

Of course I do, after all this time
we spent fighting over the book.
Although I can't seem to find it in the library, now.

Maybe my brother misplaced it.

There are pictures of him in our houses,
but my eyes seems to skip them entirely.
Cause all I see was his lips
being bluer than the sky.

I know he never had hypothermia before.

Today I woke up to
a tattered book on the kitchen table.
Soaked with water deep to its spine
picture peeling away.

The book is a copy of The Brother Lionheart,
His favorite book.

There's a black card on the table.
An invitation for a funeral
dating back to two weeks ago.

My brother would laugh at that.
He said that if he dies he wants his funeral to have an invitation.
"To cheer things up!"
He said with a grin I can't remember but know exist.

There's a sound of something shattering.

I woke up in my brother's bed.
His room was stripped bare,
naked with out all the posters and his existence.
There's a wilted bouquet of lilies
and jasmine in his room.

I told you, remember.
I don't have a brother.

I don't talk too loud when you're with me unless you **** me off
Running your **** mouth as usual about something I've said or done
But at the end of the day you're still my ride home
You're still my long sleeved skinny thighed glass tongued *******
Quick fade slow trip naked in the front yard
And though you were quick to slam the door
I still advocate for your movement: slight reckless and agile
But understand this:
Even in your leaving there is poetry
Even in your exit there is beauty
And no amount of it's profound meaning was lost on me: even when I'm open I need you.
So don't worry kid
even if you slow down or **** up I'll still be home to let you in
Yeah I'll let you in so we can ******* about existence or let the light out on our skin
You thawed sandwich bread on the patio
And I cleaned my bedroom floor
You talk it big and I'll never ask for more
And I know she broke your heart like she broke my heart running off with the wrong one once again
But if you drive me home I'll be your home and we can finally start to begin
Again
This is for sitting on our mother's floor
Again
This is for i40 and our weekly commute
Again
This is for the days we spent running only to run back home again
This is for love
And this is for you
And I'll love you, you skinny ******* until the fabric of the universe breaks beneath us
And I'll love you until you begin to love again
And after all this time
I Guess I need you.

Whence once I heard the faint whisper of the rushing wind
It formed a name in the air, whispering
The faint decibels that your soul voiced
Called out to me, unheard and unvoiced
Sweeping right back I searched for your figure
Forming shapes in the clouds
Awaiting your selfless shoulder
“Oh brother!” I cried out, “Where had you gone?”
You curved your lips and embraced me for long
My head felt light. My soul lingered
And I drifted to another world
To a scape bygone
As toddlers, I saw us playing on the hill tops
Amidst wintery clouds
I saw me run after you and fall on the ground
And suddenly you turned, with concern on your brows
Chasing back and picking me up
Brushing my tears and swinging me up
I saw us race to the school in the mornings
And I saw you hold my hand while returning
But then I felt my hands bereft
My head felt light. My soul revered
I saw me race alone to the school
And I saw me fall and chase the lonely cloud
I saw your face, and its obscure lines
My wet eyes rained bringing me back to this time
Sweeping right around I again searched for your figure
In vain I tried to form some shapes in the clouds
And then I heard the whispering wind rush in
Blanketing the clouds and taking them in
I heard no whispers, no names and no sound
“Oh brother!” I cried out, “Where have you gone?”

The death of a sibling so greatly seen
Forever lost, an object of feen
Losing one so young is all but a sin
Hatred boiling throughout my kin

Never having been able to say goodbye
Bellowing throughout the house, my piercing cry
I live to walk alone without my support
The death of my sister has made me distraught

A punishment for all my crimes
God’s grace is all but dimes
Screaming out for her return
Left with nothing but a yearn

The death of an enemy so terribly lost
The one that you've hated, at what cost
Never will you be able to say sorry
To all the wrongs committed, the worry

A teaching in life for which I’ve learnt
Love the ones you've dangerously burnt
Regret is a pain that eats at your soul
A reckoning that defeats the biggest blow

Life and death work in a mysterious way
One cannot live without the others decay
Although one must start for one to end
The Alpha and Omega, the worlds amend.

Look upto him. He's no stranger.
Miles don't matter when blood is this thick.

Thank him. You have been who you are because of him.

Love him. And he loves you back unconditionally.

Miss him. Because you know you are safe in his presence.

Until next time. I love you brother.

She's what I long to be.
God brought her to me.
Beautiful, loving and kind.
I'm happy to call her mine.

Daughter my parents never had.
To have her I'm so glad.
She knows just what to say.
No matter what, come what may.

Best friend to call my own.
But the coop she already has flown.
So her wisdom she passes on.
We have a special "sibling" bond.

Although not the same descent.
And our relationship recent.
I am proud to call her.
My favourite older sister.

Pictures of your tubes and a wooden cross
Engraved is all I know of you.
I wasn't yet a thought when perhaps you wrapped a
Tiny hand 'round a trembling finger to feel a beat,
Or when maybe you cried just enough for everyone
Who kissed your little head.
I sidestepped all of your goings on and the grief
By a few years, but I will always miss you.

I will miss our bond.
You didn't stay long enough to grow into your mannerisms,
But I wonder what we could have shared.
Would you have been funny or serious?
Together or scattered?
Happy?

Somehow you've always been there for me.
You listened when I didn't know anyone else
Would and your flowers became my sanctuary.
Maybe you would kick my *** for
Being so uselessly sentimental,
And maybe you wouldn't.

It gets cold here, but you know that;
I hope you rest easy in your little garden,
Fit for a princess.