Have you ever lived in someone's shadow?
Cause I have .
And it's really breaks you quietly,
because no one cares to ask how you're really feeling .

It feels like walking into a room full of people ,
Where every gaze lands on her,
Every smile belongs to her,
While you stand there -unnoticed.

I stand there ,faking a smile ,
Pretending like it doesn't bite.
But deep down ,am wishing for an apocalypse .

But I bet you don't get it .
you were always the gem.
But if you ever wished someone would finally say ,
"Hey ,you are stunning ,"
Then you will know exactly how it  feels .

Came running home to write this
As I forgot my journal!
Thou shalt not walk
When you cannot write!

What begins as laughter
may end as fire.
Each line I write
is a pact with myself.

Every thought a potential poem
Every poem another facet of myself
I never let y’all slip again
And find myself in deadness.

Summoning the most violent demons
Force them into most beautiful forms
Breaking their neck
By calling their name

Boiling down my pain
Into handsome melodies.
I killed my hellspawn
With an atheist’s prayer.

She leaned in and kissed him, driven by an irresistible impulse rather than a well-planned intention.
Like a gentle dare, inviting him to join her in a moonlit dance, offering a mysterious and alluring proposition.
Little did she know the long shadow this moment would cast, lingering throughout the rest of her seasons.
Caught between feelings of regret and joy, she often reflects on the lessons learned from that bittersweet passion.

I've been doing some integrating                                                      ­         of  the parts I've lost contemplating                                             if  I  was  really worth saving                                                           ­                after  years of you being so debasing                                                         ­   I  had to fall before I could ascend                                                           ­      Had to disconnect to stop the pretense                                                 Endured  your painful smear campaigns                                                        ­ you  didn't have the sense to feel ashamed                                      Called  you out when you knew you lied                                             maintained  class when you rolled your eyes                                             I  never let you see you hurt me deeply                                               walked  away when you threw dirt at me                                                   You  act like you're surprised I'd leave                                               For  once I'm rejecting you and embracing me

We used to float,
Raising our glasses.
The great unknown before us,
Surely great.

Life in its many colours
Filled my senses, and friends were treasures.
Time an illusion, and crying… just to cry.

With your loss,
My shadow grew.
Every shade of paint against the sunlit skies
Greyed, faded—
Dead trees forming a rigid silhouette.

For one to love life so,
Lighter than the morning breeze,
Understanding beyond understanding—

On your knees you pulled the moon near,
You kissed the sun
And found love wherever you went.

As I drag my shackles day after day,
As the moon moves nearer to me,
I cannot see it.
I do not feel the warmth of the sun.
Nor do I embrace love wherever I go.

For it was ordained then
That I would survive you—
Though the weight had not been foretold.

The shadow puts its hand on my shoulder,
A solemn kindness in its grip.
It is time to go,
To endure… again.

It’s like I’m looking for ways to avoid myself      

       (I’m looking for ways to not care)

It’s like I’m going around every corner trying to avoid my own stare  

It’s like I’m running away from a shadow

          (Yet I know it’s always there)

I’m afraid of every part of me I swear…

They want me to love myself???

                      “Say hi!”

  Look in the mask

         There’s blood
            
                     It’s stained.

Avoiding myself

(a lonely ride)

All of the ways I could

           -complain-

Look to my heart and you’ll see

     (inside it steadily bleeds)

Blood veil drags behind me
                       &
I don’t know how to scream