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Isabine Apr 2020
What could I do to push you away?
What would you do, if I hurt you?
Deeply
How could I shock you—with me?
How would it feel to be thrown away?
Again
How could I melt your smile?
How could I make you hate me?
Forever
Why do these thoughts keep blooming?
How come I can't believe anything lasts?
At all
Maurice Apr 2020
You're like the villain in my own story
as soon as it seems good you reappear,
what was once so close is no longer near.

When I take one step forward, you take two steps back
two steps forward, four steps back
no matter where I go, I'm always trapped.

I stand on these crutches but others stand higher,
while they're looking ahead, I'm looking tired
I guess it's just how we're wired.

We've convinced ourself this is normal
"I'm just stuck in a rut!" but in actuality,
maybe I'm just a nut?
04/5/20
Tatiana Dec 2019
I'm sitting on my wings
and wondering why I can't fly.
Is there a doctor I can speak to
that'll diagnose my desire to die?

Do you know what it's like
to make believe all the time?
Do you know what it's like
to be stuck between death and flight?

I look up to the sky so blue
and see birds flying like I'm supposed to.
What am I doing wrong?
I raise my arms up, always reaching

for a helping hand
yet they slap it with glee.
I'm not here to cheer though I'm
proud can someone give me a boost.

I think I've got my
wings free.
I'll flap them to this
frantic beat.


Where did everyone go?
I'm not sure I know.
The rest of them flew here.
How am I alone again?
Grounded in the air.

I'm sitting on my wings
they're pins and needles not downy feathers.
They push into every single nerve
each time I try to fly.

Do you know what it's like
to make believe all the time?
Do you know what it's like
to be stuck between death and flight?
©Tatiana

Here's a song about self-sabotage and depression
Kora Sani Aug 2019
i’ve always had an aversion to crowded spaces
it's not something i enjoy
and how can i
when my mind is crowded too

the more people that surround me,
the more i’m aware i exist

eyes meet mine and watch me as i move
i look away after that
so their hands can’t hurt me
and their hearts can’t love me

i fall back into the shadows
leaving one crowd, for another
self-sabotage, they call it
having no intention to change

always between two fires
getting burned either way
Lost Jul 2019
I’m drowning in ****
Spewing from my own ***
I’m in a fountain of it
I’m the figurehead vomiting
Liquid feces

I’m not rude
I’m not crass
I’m telling the truth

And sometimes
Honesty ******* stinks
Especially when the reality is
That it’s your own ******* fault
Self-sabotage
Bleeding from the walls

I’m drowning in ****
Spewing from my own ***
How long?
How long until you catch
The stifling odor
The aroma of ****
Would you stick around
Would it be worth it?

Big ******* doubt
You’ll do a 180
And turn right the **** around
Running in the opposite direction
Because you found out
That I’m full
Of
****

Come
And
Sit
Next to me
I’m laying here
Festering
Soiled and soaked
Questioning
When somebody will come along
Without leaving
When my **** stinks
Too much
Sorry if the gross imagery is a little overkill lol. Just had to get this one out. Off all my meds right now and my mind is a messy place to be.
Llila Feb 2019
I broke my back to climb a wall
Almost got to the top this time
Foot slipped this time

You grabbed my hand
Fingers tracing vines against my skin
And pushed me down to the bottom again
I broke my back in the fall
sankavi Jan 2019
You don't know me -
not the real me.
You know my favourite movie
and maybe my favourite song.
You know what food I could eat every day
and you know about my first pet.
But you don't know me.
You don't know how much I want to tear my skin off my body
and become a whole new person.
You don't know how I self-sabotage
everything good in my life.
You don't know why I can't trust you
and you'll never know
my past or what's hiding
inside my mind.
Rachel Dec 2018
Will I ever heal?
I can't listen to my music without a memory of you.
I can't read a romantic poem without thinking of you.
I can't stop accidentally re-opening the wound you left on my heart.
I can't stop the pain from flooding into my veins and out my eyes.
Can it stop? Will it stop?
The part that hurts the most is knowing
I don't even so much as flitter through your mind
Let alone your heart.
Rebekah Guindi Sep 2018
You!
You are putting on a fur coat while watching your building burn down around you
Around your sweating body walls collapse in flame but you still won't jump out to be saved!

I'm here!
Waiting at the window with a trampoline
Waiting for you to get out of the scene
But I see you just look into the same horizon and stare

I guess you like the view from your window,
but soon you will burn down with it
don't save me
AnonEMouse Aug 2018
With the same pen and paper as the last love letter I wrote, I now write this.

PREAMBLE:
Everyday he'll suffer in silence and I'll be content with the thought. The same hand that wrote loving words is the same hand that brought tears to his eyes.
Over betrayal and deceit hidden in plain view with a longing of decadence and validation.

BODY:

He choose carefully, or so he thought - the wounded of the flock.
But he knew...somehow that I was different.
Unable to be read like a simple book, I am that of an enigma to most, alluring to others.
I could have loved that side of him -- the part unrestrained by persona. The damaged part, carefully tucked away.
But the beast must be fed by the tears of the innocent,
a pervasive pattern of loving women he made love him back.
He fed his soul with their sadness.
For he deceived them for proof of love and in it, he destroyed himself.
Day by day, he'll look at me and realize, like the last - he was wrong.
That someone had cared and someone was hurt, and that was not I.
And I am grateful -
for not loving a traitor.
To his own cause or mine.
Because every time he looks for validation in the tears of others.

I will not be there
and he will not find me.
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