You're a cold walk in December when it's snowing and I forgot my coat.
When I'm shaking and shivering running into Walgreens because their heater is on.

You're a brisk wind and a fast paced argument that happens on a Sunday afternoon in church.
You cursed in front of your god for me not believing your beliefs.

You're a Saturday afternoon breakfast because I woke up to late and hungover.
When the food got cold because I couldn't find the asprin and broke down in tears on my kitchen floor.

See you're the reason I fell in love and the reason I drink to much of the hard stuff instead of tea.
But you don't understand that yet, which is why you still watch cartoons Saturday morning, and I cry alone in bed.

You're a cold walk in  December  when it's snowing....

How can I love you
when you don’t love me?
Like everybody,
I am a human
And I have a heart,
a selfish heart
which wants me to be happy
So,
Is it possible to love you selflessly?
I don’t know….


Lying in the ground,
If I stare at the sky
and the merrily flickering
white clouds,
I think of you.
And, when the cloud flows
with the help of zephyr
forming your sketch
in the colossal blue canvas,
I adore the view
that leads me to you.


At the nights,
as the cricket sings outside,
I remember the cool autumn nights
when I used to sing
love songs for you.
My voice used to pierce
the soft part of your heart
and with teary eyes; you
used to kiss me at the
pale moon light.
Ah! My love,
that was my paradise.


And Now,
My heart shivers in pain
because it misses you,
your divine touch of
your lips on mine,
and the  warmth of
your soul.
My trembling body
rushes towards the window,
and I gaze the shimmering
stars and the glistening
moon.
Each reminds me of you.


But how can I keep on
loving you,
as the very crystal moon
and the gleaming  stars
never remind you of me?
How can I keep smiling
when you sketch the face
of some other person
but mine,
on that very lovely
moonshine.


For how long should I try
to be strong,
and
avert myself from
doing something wrong?
No matter, how selflessly
I did start,
I am finding it sore,
to hush
my egoistic heart..


If today I try
to run away,
this breeze with your
aroma
comes my way.
And,
reminds me of you,
Once again.
Once again, I
crave for your touch
and the tears will only fall
with the golden memories
of such.


I want you to know this,
If you decide to leave me
and keep me waiting for you
stranded all alone,
I may no longer be selfless.
My pounding heart may
break into million pieces
and, my love,
tell me how can I still love you
with that shattered heart?

I am not that strong……

Depression
Enveloping darkness swallowing wholly
Confused family hurting daily
Unhappy memories haunting mercilessly
Concerned friends worrying quietly
Prospective future slipping quickly
Oblivious teachers grading harshly
Low self-esteem dropping endlessly
Understanding lover comforting gently
Frigid emptiness bellowing angrily
Lively peers ignoring unintentionally
Selfish

My dreams won’t burn in vain
Not this time, my darling
Because I have you
These infectious nightmares will cease
And you will not
From the base of my soul
To the scarred fabric of my heart
I want you
These profound emotions and desires
This surging powerful drive
Slowly leading to my own impending insanity
Old inferior emotions and self-inflicted torture
Rapidly torn down by the new
Overwhelmed with a sudden selflessness
Yet, at the same time, I’m just as selfish
Melodies course through my veins
Electricity pulses in my fingertips
As I greedily touch you in all the right places
Relentless acts of pleasure
Movement and motion will speak tonight
For there will never be enough words
Because you are mine
Where I am yours

we're told almost every day to never be selfish, but in a world like ours, how can we not be? even calling this world "ours" is selfish, but no one ever mentions that. do what you want. be who you are. be selfish. because in the end, the only person who you'll always be forced to impress, is you.

How selfish of me
To tell you I love you

He said with such ease 'I'm going, I've had enough'
He added, 'I don't love you, things have got tough'
I didn't cry, nope, wouldn't give him the satisfaction

I whispered, barely audible 'I still love you, you know?'
I added, 'It's hard, but, I'm not ready to let you go'
He didn't respond, he wouldn't face me for the rest of the conversation

And if this is what a breakup feels like,
I don't want to ever give away my heart to anybody else
Not ever, never.

I don't want to waste my affection, so tender and genuine
On somebody who is going to throw it back in my face, forcefully,
turn on their heels, and walk away.

It hurts, like a needle, pricking your heart.
It hurts, like a pounding headache after an enjoyable night out.

You need to understand, I don't need somebody to hold my hand
But I need support, comfort and love.
As if what I've given to you already, isn't enough.

He said, once again, 'I'm leaving, and that is that'
This time, I said, 'Fine then, off you go,
You ****'.

Sometimes
I wonder
am I more saint
or sinner
Is it
self-preservation or
selfish and me-centered?

And how,
how can I know
when Your voice feels
so far off?

Am I saint
or sinner
self-preserving or
self-centered?

Your voice isn't sounding
all I hear is silence
And I beg,
I plead,
Lord,
am I a saint
or a sinner?

Sometimes I can't breathe
my soul
suffocating in
questions without answers

What
do you see, in me?
Saint
or a sinner?

Do I delight or
disappoint,
You and others with
this life I'm trying to live?

Questions
begging answers
can't rest until
they're found

Saint
or sinner,
self-preserving or
self-centered?

"God creates out of nothing. Wonderful you say. Yes, to be sure, but he does what is still more wonderful: He makes saints out of sinners."
― The Journals of Soren Kierkegaard

Her maturity level lingers bellow average.
Always believed you to deserve a better woman to wed.
Perhaps a Diamond or a beautiful Ruby, yet the ring was placed on a rhinestone.
A man far from selfish to wed a woman, if even that, with more self love than true should be.
Thoughts came accross of wether judging a book by its cover was my path here.
Yet she spoke and her ***** of unthought of sentences poured out like the night after.
Her cover seemed oddly better than what actually was.
Sad isn't it?
A man I hold dear to my heart and existence,
To wed the selfish.
In today's times we do not seek what is deserved.
No.
We seek what is thought to be deserved and you love, you dug deep in the pits.
To break two hearts for her own joy.
The dissease crawling through her skin and flowing in her veins known simply as jealousy.
Hatred without reason, she spills.
Life has a rather humorous way to finish our stories.
Broken apart by a walking sin.

-Kathia Mariana Landeros