you
once told me that
until we met,
rarely did you
ever recieve

and/or deserve any

form of
unconditional love,
care, or
kindness, while - even
in my chilliest nights -
never did you have
grace enough to

consider returning such
understanding. at least,
not to me. well,
times change...

There's triumph in each step
Walking timidly home
Looking down
So no one can see the grin
Spread generously across my face
Or the love marking my neck
Because, selfishly,
I want it all to myself.

I only want to me

©  2017 Jim Davis

I regret letting you play with my heart
for you were only a child.
With vials of venom racked in deep,
your fangs glisten at the reproach of anything threatening.
I was witness to all the prey you made fall in defeat,
doused in cajole of mockery and lamenting in your spite.
You took pride in your nature of revenge and
I clapped along like a mechanical monkey and
laughed at the joke you made of them.
I loved you.

I regret playing with you, let alone letting you play at all.
You run amok on people’s vulnerabilities like they’re tiny green foot soldiers on the ground, but I see the rawness of their wounds, you tore open what was closed.
You toyed around with their **** lives.
I was disillusioned by love,
this heart of mine fooled me into believing your selfish lies.

As my heart lies a victim to your poison,
like a fish out of water prancing on the wood board gasping for breath, on the edge, between a death he once knew and the life slowly rebuild,
I retreat into the abyss away from the torment of you.
It’s still hard letting you go, knowing that I love you.
But letting you knowingly abuse me is like self harm.

I love you, but I love myself more.

He’s saying,
As long as you stay, you can leave as you please

He’s saying,
As long as you return to me by sunrise, you can run free at midnight
Saying nothing When I come home by daylight, just as long as it seems we are together in public eyes.

Games we play are pure Deceptions.
I’m in home sweet prison, we are papered bind, chained by delusions and lies. Our love is like doing time and even though he senses the unhappiness on my mind, he says to me all the time “you will be alright”

"I do" was my crime. Our child is the paying fine. So I’m Akon "Locked up" until He closes his eyes. He hears when I sneak out, so even he sleeps with one eye open, towards my unfaithful behavior. He Pretends to be blind.

Im Trained to be home momentarily. Agreeing to be in his detentions temporarily.
For when he met me my love was untameable widly desired to be spirited and free

But he refuses my request to be free. He holds on tight and that’s even if it’s killing me.

So when he senses my  surpressive screams to finally leave. He will rush to leave out the set of keys. Within my arms reach. by my bar side intentionally. because he knows my desire to run yet in need of a safe home.  he holds  the keys.  Giving me a copy version to be free.

And If I don't return like we lawfully agreed, The punishment of manipulation will be black hole deep. He will catch me and emotionally blackmail me. Verbally put on the handcuffs, steal away my keys.
appoint me to the critical  judge, reminding me he’s the man who holds my Keys to leave.

Presenting my  past and mistakes to the courthouse packed with tyrants, which will be past me's. Deferment my character, rule me as guilty. Killing my spirit by Belittling my dreams. Crying that I attempted ******. attempting to **** him. for attempting to steal me.

He won. Victimized and trapped I return to my cell.
After verabally placing on the black and white strips and putting me through hell.

handcuffs on tight, game face on right,
He taunts me with tactics all day and night......

30 days of his controll, guilt trip complete.
He surprises me with kind  gesture and ask how bad do you want to be free?

He plays with sound of jingling keys, a melody that sounds good to me
Next to my Bar side, He finally placed down my set of keys
And reminds me,
That as long as you return here by sunrise, you are free to leave

Emotional sadism
has seduced me
time and time again
to fall for the pain
that still makes me
feel
leading me to
let go of all things selfish
and attach myself
to the "selfless"

The sad thing is
I know you'll stay away
you wont come
unless I call
you let me lead you around circles
hoping that one of these times
i'll agree to stay
i never do

I doubt each one's intention
This is a selfish world
The goodness last for seconds
No one is here with a clean conscience
Who knows whats hiding behind a smile  
Everyone out are there to end their own thirst
For their benefits , not afraid to show their worst
No stranger are your friends ,
they'll go away to find the next trend
leave you alone to stand
Don't not doubt
the things you don't know about
There's no shame to be sceptical
It is better than being gullible