Enter Stage Left the Pianoman
watch him sit, tails flowing and hands ready
Enter with adoring eyes
The crowds of people here to see his demise
little do they know of the pianist's plan
to leave them all speechless
as his  hands land
not on the piano
but on the gun he so carefully slid under the bench
for a long time now Mr. Pianoman
could only think of One thing
One escape from the daemons he hears
at Night when he rests his head.
Enter Stage Left a Walking, Living Deadman.
Enter with adoring eyes the funeral procession to the Pianoman's demise.

I thought you were gone for good this time, when you walked out of my life this time. you are my dark clouds you are my rainy day. You take my sunshine and replace it with The pain, but someday's I think I need you. Somedays I miss you, somdays I love you...

I can see the smile,
mimicking the crescent.
Hovering by the curtain,
peeking, prodding, Pushing.
But nothing seems as fake
as the flowers in that gilded vase.
Waiting to bloom, in shrouded anticipation.
Filled with disgust at the life they sustain,
So young, so naive.
Foolishly trusting.
Scorn curling my lips,
I walk away.
Leaving everything behind.
Everything that anchors me to this bottomless void.
Forsaking...Freedom.

Imagine your surgical procedure being done by someone you’ve left broken hearted
Surely they’ve put aside the petty squabbles in the past and are prepared to operate

No anesthesia…how curious
Why are your limbs fastened so securely?

Her empty gaze captures your eyes
She looks away and begins the first incision
Down the middle of your abdomen
A cry of stinging pain fills the four walled chamber of oncoming torture
The blade leads down to your waist and sliced open skin follows behind it
And inside dwell your organs within the ribs

Empty jars await their entry sitting on the counter

“NO!
“NO!” “STOP, PLEASE!”

She remains silent

Yet on the inside a roar of rage propels her to twirl your intestines with a fork like spaghetti and then put it in a jar
That was for the time you put her down and judged her harshly for being anorexic.  
She only wanted to be pretty enough to deserve you

She has waited a long time for this delayed gratification
It has been put off due to her indecision's of how she planned to force feed you your just desserts

A hunting knife into your back?
Too messy
Get a new lover and rub it in your face?
Too predictable
Arsenic or sulfuric acid poisoning?
To easy
The thought of bashing you on social media and bringing out all your grotesque laundry and despicable skeletons?
Well that would diminish her reputation and you; in her eyes are not worthy of that

So this was her concluding decision
Precariously and tediously breaking you down bit by bit

An angel of death with a vendetta against a betraying heretic of love

She plucks your kidneys out with a pair of clean stainless steel tweezers
And drops them in a jar then twists the lid back on tightly

That was for all the times you pressured her to take part in things that went against all she believed to be right and true
“Here, drink this”
“Snort this”
“**** this”
“We don’t need one”
“This won’t hurt”
“Come on don’t you love me?”
Your screams have been silenced with gauze bandages
The muffled agony is like a serene symphony to her

You hurt her
You took her
And had her change everything about her to the point she couldn’t even recognize her reflection in the mirror
What was once a beautiful blonde haired, bright eyed, clear skinned young woman became a pale, thin haired, strung out, sunken eyed broken shadow of herself
All because of you
And your intimidating influence

She spoons out your liver, the your bladder and pancreas
The appendix has already been taken out, on her dime
Remember that?
You had her move in
You had her pay a little of the rent
Then half of it
Then all of it
She worked while you shot up
Then you got her to start shooting up
She lost her job and you two lived on the streets

You’ve passed out now
Your moans and squirms are gone

She proceeds to remove your stomach
This was for what was the most traumatic and tragic moment in her life

You got her pregnant, around the same time you convinced her to join you on a drinking binge
Months later she told you she went to the doctor
And the doctor said your child was still born
Can you recall the sleepless nights of tears and anguish?
Of course not you were invested with another woman at the bottom of a bottle of bourbon

The jars are filling up
Two remain

She rips out your lungs with her bare hands
You told her you would marry her, you would love and cherish her forever
Instead you ruined her life and drove it into the ground
You made her feel lonely even when you were right next to her knocked out in some doped up trance

She bashes your skull open with a rock hammer and picks up your brain and removes the stem
She looks at it
She would have believed it to be more sinister looking
And smaller
Into a jar it goes

Last but not least she looks at your heart
It stopped beating
Your black heart
Full of malice and careless arrogance
Your brutal, evil heart
She rips it out with her own mouth
And takes a bite and swallows
It tastes like a rotten sour stinking fruit
Putrid and vile

Your carcass tied to an operating table
Your torso torn open
And your organs removed and put in jars

The girl you wronged is now satisfied
You are even
You can pass on
And she can move on

If I were an ocean, I'd tsunami.
I'd crash at you, rise up fiercely with froth dripping from my wicked tongue.
I'd lick at your feet a tongue so cold, you'd hop and run like a threatened hare.
I'd send my driftwood to scratch you and then my salt to burn it
And then when I calmed down, I settle to a grey-blue lulling you to see the infinite beauty and power and wrath of me. And you'd feel small as a speck of sand.
If I were an ocean I'd take starfish and send them hurtling towards you like ninja stars.
I'd grab your ankles with my seaweed limbs and drag you under, just for one moment longer than you thought you could survive.
And bubble up the back of your legs like a devils tickle as you shot to the surface to gasp.
If i were an ocean.
If I were a universe I'd take my neutron stars and line them in a row so they spin you back to a time where hearts were whole
Well, when my heart was anyway.
If I were a universe I'd take my sun and my moon and I would cover them with a mourning veil of shimmery ivory and you would see the world like eyes of a woman in grief.
I would put you on a planet where raining glass comes sideways and I would give you an umbrella made of ozone.
I would put you on a star and make you catch the wishes thrown to you.
Catch them all, in a bucket of diamonds.
I would have you grant them all. All but one.
The one I wished. If I were a universe I'd make you ride that lonely wish of mine down the current of the Milky Way,
Feeling its tentacles of hope underneath your feet like old mans slippers.
If I were a universe I hold all your breathe in glass speck of light and watch as it chased the speed of sound down the darkness.
And if I were a mountain I'd turn all my streams away
So you could feel the gift of thirst.
I crumble into dust as you dug your heels into me
Trying to climb higher but ending so far below.
If i was a mountain, I'd wrap the wind around my vocal cords and sing to you and eerie song that would haunt your mind and make you think of loves you'd lost.
I'd give you mountain stretch marks.
Itchy places to remind you of when the sea was your lover.
I'd take my poison ivy to your skin.
So sultry she would climb like a lover's thin trailing fingernails
down
     your
           spine.
If I were tree I'd be a weeping willow.
I'd hang my wounded limbs over the river that is your regrets.
If I were a tree I'd shade you from the blazing sun.
You'd crave me then.
You'd fall asleep in my lap.
If I were a tree I'd gift you a hundred acorns...
And let none of them take root. If I were a tree.
If I were a tree you'd climb me to take shelter from the wolves.
I'd take you into my strong arms
And you would understand what courage is.
What refuge is.
What need is.
I'd stroke that glistening wolf to keep him at your feet.
And paint your toes with sap so he drools with the anticipation of licking you.
And if i were that tree you'd feel safe within.
I'd blow a wind to stroke your face and
And sooth you with the sounds of leaves and you would sleep.
Then I'd send that wolf away because you'd know me then.
But I am a woman.
And what I can do is make you see me as I walk away,
pull away
sneak away
crawl away.
I am a woman and I can be the emptiness I leave you.
I am a woman, an ocean, a universe, a mountain, a forest.
I am a woman who is the empty fragile places where I used to be.
But I am a woman
And you will remember me.
...You will remember me.

sahn
5/19/14

I stepped in through his ears, covered in hot mud
and rolled off his tongue clean as a whistle.
I was no longer a whisper, he uttered in a painted mirror.
Scratching out two eyes that saw nothing but themselves.
He came to wonder
if there are ants in my stomach feeding an army
off the peaches I couldn’t eat for six summers.
Three winters with no springs yet, the snow up to my neck.
My eyes spilt pearls like a Japanese ghost, onto the white cold
he buried me in.
and when that melts into the lush green we’ve yet to writhe on,
I hope there are limbs left to entwine us,
I hope there are streams made to wash us.
My body unchilled is sight for him to absorb,
and record and plan a trip.
Diction may be a skill he knows
that I have learned to be versed in,
but no matter the assemblage of my alibis,
he finds me guilty, so I choose to make quiet familiar,
and comfortable and the stringy nerve endings I've grafted
into his skin and his kiss when I love him,
are threatened to be severed with scalding water,
poured from the darkest kettle called
doubt.