you caught my eye
  you made me like you
    you made me fall in love with you
      you took my love as a simple perk of life
        you used me and beat me down
          you robbed me of love for anyone else or myself
            you killed the happy person inside of me
              you made me numb inside
                you made me feel like i deserved nothing but sadness
                  you may not love me anymore but i certainly still do
                    i still love you
                      i know it's not healthy for me to love you
                        i know i need to stop
                          i know but i can't
                            i can't
                          i can'
                        i can
                       i ca
                      i c
                    i

unsaid
goodbyes
are the
hardest,

waiting
to hear them,
is the
longest.

Her heart was like a clock that I wanted to stop and rewind the dial back.
Remembering the beginning.
Following the curve of ticks as everything around disappeared.
The ticks and tonks that throb as pulse.
The blossom of smiles and times that reflected off glass.
To live in the darkness of closed eyes and reflect on genuine smiles.
The whirlwind of dials advancing into a darkness we both never knew.
A familiar scent becoming a door.
Her heart a clock filled with different size springs and dials.
A circular cubicle that sped fast.
A theory of time.
Her heart was a clock that I wanted to stop and wind back the dial to the beginning.
Across arms and lines that separated how much time has really passed

Her heart was like the eye of a needle and I the thread.
Stuck between *******, each time I'd get close.
I'd veer too far left or too far right, never in-between.
Nervous in motion A thin thread roped in ambition.
Though I loved her deeply I couldn't get her to see.
No matter how hard I'd try I always missed the loop to her heart.
The cold steel that looped in oval shape.
I've made peace with the thought that nothing lasts forever and though thread.
I've binded myself in knots, wondering if she ever saw me the way that I saw her, everlasting.
Believing that we could be woven in the thickest of bonds.
I loved her with the entirety of my everything I had to give.
Without arms I had nothing to hold above her head.
But no matter how many times I missed her.
Her shoulder became colder and colder.
My thread torn seam from seam.
It wasn't until then that I learned that somethings are better left untouched.

She was an adventuress.
I'd visit her, though far.
Before we grew apart I'd send letters.
Head leaned back. That old familiar pillow.
That familiar smell of home. The letter I wrote always carried that familiar smell, although far away.
She promised she'd return. Home to a place of comfort.
I knew she found home a long time ago.
Single reason I too became a traveler.
Forgetting where I placed the keys to the house.
Finding a separate road that rounded and round, walking fast I hurried.
Finding the opposite direction more peaceful.
The sky more bluer.
That old pillow no longer familiar.
Until I inherited land and built a house.
Away from the window of her eye

Have you ever met the right person at the wrong time?
Me too...
He was the best thing that has ever happened to me..
We were perfect for each other but i wasn't ready.

I was 16, he was 18 we had known eachother for a couple of years, he was tall and he smelled nice.
He had blue eyes and dark brown hair.

He was a ****** up kid.
He had just gotten his drivers license, so he raced.
He got drunk om school nights.
He smoked one pack a day.

But when i was in his car he drove below the speed limit, because he knew i had anxiety.
He stopped the drinking cause he knew i didn't like it and he stopped smoking cause he didn't wanna make my asthma worse.

He became a nice guy, doing everything he could to make me feel like a princess...
When we had been together for 5 months he dropped out of school..
I got dissappointed and he promised he would get a job and get his **** together, but he was busy caring for me.

He wanted to get married.
He was about to turn 19 and his friends started to get married and have kids.. and he wanted that too...
But i wasn't ready...
I was 16 and just started high school...  i wasn't ready to even imagine myself starting a family yet..

So after 9 months i ended it.. with a text... i had to breathe... i needed space..
But i know that if i had met him 5 years later i would have spent the rest of my life with him..
We had the same values, we agreed on everything, rarely faught, had the same view on kids..
But i wasn't ready...
So i ended it with a text...

Of all things sentimental.
She came through the door wearing a suit of armor.
The door closed behind her with a rattle and tick of swaying arms.
With rust around her eyes she longed to be melted down.
A drop left in her can of oil.
The metal on her chest plate dull, full of dents.
She explained that her heart stopped working.
That the gears and springs just won't turn.
With a screwdriver jammed in the middle and a bolt or two missing.
I heard the man behind the counter say that he could repair it but she too insisted in a louder voice.
Its not worth the trouble, that she'd rather be melted down.
Too much time has passed, she wants to finally feel the warmth of something genuine.
I watched her as she walked into the welder's shop.
Some people laughed. Others wore a look of wrinkled eyebrows.
Revealing their defect. Noses turnt sharp in the air.
Beauty comes in all shapes and form.
A beautiful shape molded into tin to protect how precious she was.
Dings and dents from the rocks they'd throw.
The world is a cruel place.
Her operator forgetting her name, A reflection of alzheimer's not done intentionally.
The damage of watching everything around you slowly change.
The insecurities of home no longer being home.
She pierced a hole over her heart with a screwdriver.
Jamming the gears. Causing nuts bolts and springs to bounce everywhere in a buildup of steam.
Rust composites in the duct of her eyes.
I watched her walk through the door.
Making brief eye contact before walking through the door myself.
When I walked in there was no sign of her.
Just the man behind the counter setting out a new watch stained in rust

Hearts don’t break unless you let them; They often break because of love
Love is a sweet and sour tonic; a potion of notions you’ve never dreamed of.
Hearts are strong yet also fragile, by way of fortune or bad luck
So if you never give your heart away, you’ll never have to pick the pieces up

Hearts come in all shapes and sizes; some are false and some are true
And you can never be so certain if the same heart you know is the same heart you knew
Some hearts are kind and always giving; some hearts are shy and beat at their own pace
Some hearts are forever always living to put a smile on another’s face

Some hearts are trying their best to make it; some hearts are liars and some are dead
Some are forlorn and look quite hungry; the soul inside remains unfed.
Yes, often hearts can be quite messy, but if you’ve never picked the pieces up
Then you’ve likely never given your heart away; you’ve likely never let it love.

I find humor laughing at how far we've come.
The differences seen out right between you and I.
Creating the shortcut separating us both.
Risking more distance. Taking that one proverbial step.
I laugh because of absolute generosity.
Placing different pieces of myself in you.
An extreme amount of disposition, watching our shadow take the step of paused feet.
Considering the first step, moving closer to you.
Doing the utmost in sincerity. Discovering that through true expression
you are me and I am you.
The parts of ourself that we keep hidden.
Still troubled.
Finding new ways to be completely honest.
Why not laugh, sharing whats felt on the inside.
Choosing instead the shortcut that sits right in front of us.
Short conversation that deny us both of how we truly feel.
A motivation found in the utmost of sincerity.
No longer pretending. Putting on a front that we see each other for who we truly are.
We see it clear as day but it's funny because we choose to ignore it.
Choosing instead to see what we choose.
Choosing instead to dwell in the past, finding reason to take a step back.
Letting our shadow dissipate.
Taking hold of how we truly feel.
Putting that selfish part of ourselves first.
A lack of communication no longer sincere in motion.
Not realizing that we're back to where we started