I’d been chasing after all the things my plain life lacks,
When somehow my fool got caught up between the tracks.
It’s much too late to call for help- The others are far ahead of me.
I don’t mind much anyways- I don’t want to be pulled free.
Instead, hit me with a train of quiet love,
And fly away from me with the grace of an early mourning dove.
My panic keeps me awake,
I know this time around, nothing here is fake.
I’ve fallen into this desperate reality,
Where I drown in the waves across your vast sea.
I find *** within a silver bullet,
Point your gun at me, lock it, and pull it.
I have never been more unprepared-
This time around, my heart is true, though scared.
Up until this moment, all I’ve ever had was my own bare flesh.
But now, I’ve got more than enough to get off my chest.
My lonely nights never end,
So I beg you- tell me what I need to hear...let’s play pretend.
You are the most beautiful one to have ever crossed my eyes,
So let’s lay here in the dark and call for a compromise.
For you, I would give it all away.
I would serve you my heart on a golden platter if I may.
Shoot me with your silver bullet,
Then take my bleeding heart and just hold it.
Fill my lungs with your sweetest perfume,
Until they fail me here in your lovely room.
I’ll write for you, melodies I will never sing,
And melt you away like the snow in the warming spring.
I will keep my words ever so personal,
Until my lonely disease has deemed me terminal.
With my final dying words,
I will lay here on these tracks-
I’ll sing you the sweetest song ever to be heard.

The taste of cold in the air is as still as your body as you sleep,
Warm enough to live, cold enough to chill, ever so sweet.
Frost covers the final leaves of Fall,
Glistening white, fueling the withdrawal.
Don’t feel as though we are nearing the end, my dear.
For by my side, I assure you have nothing to fear.
The birds flock south for the winter,
But not us, we stay behind to freeze and wither.
The heavy air holds steady silence,
Hold my hand and we’ll resist the violence.
A city of hearts is abandoned in ruin,
Only we remain here, warming this empty tomb.
I will shield your eyes from such a mournful sight,
I will remain here with you- I will be your light.
Time can stand still, but continues moving forward.
I promise we will not be silent forever, for one day we’ll be heard.
Let our voices warm the air,
Let us break the silence- It’s only fair.
We are not welcome here, but we have hearts beyond compare.

You are the soft blue lake against an autumn sky,
You are the clouds in which the highest birds fly,
You are the soft winds on a summer night,
You are the morning sunrise that fills the words with light.
Your touch is gentle and filled with care,
To receive your love, I could only dare.
I am the parasite that craves your flesh,
I am the mistake- a heart’s failed test.
I mean good but I never think twice,
I use my one chance to roll the dice.
I am not what you want.
I am your taunt.
So curse my body when I sleep,
With dreams of you playing my mind on repeat.
Curse me when I sleep,
For my soul is only yours to keep.
To shatter- or to break, broken or tattered.
Or to fill- with warmth and thrill.
I alone give myself to you,
But I don’t have much to give- for that much is true.
Your lovely mind has already been damaged,
And dear, I fear that I do not hold your bandage.
So instead I’ll unwrap my own,
I’ll dress your wounds and limp back home.
Here I lay myself to bed,
A mess, a monster, a lonely dread.
So curse my body when I sleep,
The blood I’ll bleed for you, my heart- Yours to keep.

you caught my eye
  you made me like you
    you made me fall in love with you
      you took my love as a simple perk of life
        you used me and beat me down
          you robbed me of love for anyone else or myself
            you killed the happy person inside of me
              you made me numb inside
                you made me feel like i deserved nothing but sadness
                  you may not love me anymore but i certainly still do
                    i still love you
                      i know it's not healthy for me to love you
                        i know i need to stop
                          i know but i can't
                            i can't
                          i can'
                        i can
                       i ca
                      i c
                    i

unsaid
goodbyes
are the
hardest,

waiting
to hear them,
is the
longest.

Her heart was like a clock that I wanted to stop and rewind the dial back.
Remembering the beginning.
Following the curve of ticks as everything around disappeared.
The ticks and tonks that throb as pulse.
The blossom of smiles and times that reflected off glass.
To live in the darkness of closed eyes and reflect on genuine smiles.
The whirlwind of dials advancing into a darkness we both never knew.
A familiar scent becoming a door.
Her heart a clock filled with different size springs and dials.
A circular cubicle that sped fast.
A theory of time.
Her heart was a clock that I wanted to stop and wind back the dial to the beginning.
Across arms and lines that separated how much time has really passed

Her heart was like the eye of a needle and I the thread.
Stuck between *******, each time I'd get close.
I'd veer too far left or too far right, never in-between.
Nervous in motion A thin thread roped in ambition.
Though I loved her deeply I couldn't get her to see.
No matter how hard I'd try I always missed the loop to her heart.
The cold steel that looped in oval shape.
I've made peace with the thought that nothing lasts forever and though thread.
I've binded myself in knots, wondering if she ever saw me the way that I saw her, everlasting.
Believing that we could be woven in the thickest of bonds.
I loved her with the entirety of my everything I had to give.
Without arms I had nothing to hold above her head.
But no matter how many times I missed her.
Her shoulder became colder and colder.
My thread torn seam from seam.
It wasn't until then that I learned that somethings are better left untouched.

She was an adventuress.
I'd visit her, though far.
Before we grew apart I'd send letters.
Head leaned back. That old familiar pillow.
That familiar smell of home. The letter I wrote always carried that familiar smell, although far away.
She promised she'd return. Home to a place of comfort.
I knew she found home a long time ago.
Single reason I too became a traveler.
Forgetting where I placed the keys to the house.
Finding a separate road that rounded and round, walking fast I hurried.
Finding the opposite direction more peaceful.
The sky more bluer.
That old pillow no longer familiar.
Until I inherited land and built a house.
Away from the window of her eye

Have you ever met the right person at the wrong time?
Me too...
He was the best thing that has ever happened to me..
We were perfect for each other but i wasn't ready.

I was 16, he was 18 we had known eachother for a couple of years, he was tall and he smelled nice.
He had blue eyes and dark brown hair.

He was a ****** up kid.
He had just gotten his drivers license, so he raced.
He got drunk om school nights.
He smoked one pack a day.

But when i was in his car he drove below the speed limit, because he knew i had anxiety.
He stopped the drinking cause he knew i didn't like it and he stopped smoking cause he didn't wanna make my asthma worse.

He became a nice guy, doing everything he could to make me feel like a princess...
When we had been together for 5 months he dropped out of school..
I got dissappointed and he promised he would get a job and get his **** together, but he was busy caring for me.

He wanted to get married.
He was about to turn 19 and his friends started to get married and have kids.. and he wanted that too...
But i wasn't ready...
I was 16 and just started high school...  i wasn't ready to even imagine myself starting a family yet..

So after 9 months i ended it.. with a text... i had to breathe... i needed space..
But i know that if i had met him 5 years later i would have spent the rest of my life with him..
We had the same values, we agreed on everything, rarely faught, had the same view on kids..
But i wasn't ready...
So i ended it with a text...