I am like a roller coaster
A twisted creaky track
Taking you on my ups and downs
Never holding back
Looping through the disarray
Of an introverted maniac

You hit that final drop
Around the last bend
Then to a full force stop
Some will have fun with me
Others maybe not
But in the end,
They all well get off
And leave me without a thought

I am like a roller coaster
A twisted creaky track
Behold the out of service sign
Sorry, no more riders.
I'm now completely wracked

Rain, so fine just like dust
looking at sky, purple,
over-the-top roller coasters
Peaking at 92 mph
dodging the yellow
More than numbers, I passed
Cardboard windshield for glass
Clarity, it comes and goes
I need to slow down
Even when I'm
Not going
Fast enough.

Life is so hard sometimes.

It pulls, taking the table cloth
along with it.
It strengthens, taking the tide
along with it.
It chides
talking the moon
out of its misery
wishing it were daybreak
but when day arrives,
the moon wishes it were night.
Round and round we go
on this roller coaster called life.
Hanging on is so difficult
with responsibilities tugging
at the mainframe
about to crumble apart like
break pads crumbling under
the weight of it all.
A pressurized catapult or
catalog explaining the width
it takes to squeeze through
the trash chute without
crushing anything of importance.
Holding our breath
as the bumps become clear
afraid of the coaster
slipping off the tracks
and plummeting into
the frigid unknown.
Luck is only heresy
in this world of uncertainty.
But cars can be fixed,
jobs can be taken,
and bodies can be satisfied
in ways unheard of in reality.

Life is so hard sometimes.

But looking at it with new eyes,
with a combative, stubborn grip
on the cold steel handle,
a roller coaster can be both exhausting and exhilarating

if you know what to look for.

I...I love you
I love you so much, I just can't  gather the words in my head to put together to explain.
Explain how this came about.
What? when? why? how?
How do you go from falling in love ,to being in love, to not being in love at all?
Talking just about every day,  to not talking at all.
Seeing them, to not seeing them at all.
Why do we love love, when love doesn't love us back?  
It's Complicated
It's tragic
Its a mess
I miss you!
I miss you, but only the thought of you.
I want you, but only the thought of you.
The thought of you is attractive,  but I can no longer ride the roller coaster of emotions anymore.
It's draining!
The thrill of traveling to the highest peak of the ride, arriving to cloud 9.
The Joy
The love
The laughter
Until everything comes to a stop, all hell breaks loose.
Speeding down to the gates of hell.
Stress
Heartache
Pain
Just when you think you're done, the ride still continues.
I'm tired... I'm done!!!
If I knew that I would be treated this way, I would've never chose this ride.
It's clear that you don't care!
So why should I?
I... I hate you
I hate you so much,  I CAN gather ALL the words in my head to explain.
To explain how this hate came about.

That's why it was an emotional nightmarish roller-coaster. .with small bits of sunshine on the track

The thing at the back of everyone's minds is,
"I'm going to die!"
I'm the ******* that's yelling behind them,
"Your going to be pacakes!"

Thing is, I'm more afraid of being happy
Than of being alone and lonely.
Happiness doesn't feel real.
It feels like a mirage in a dessert.
It's not real.
It only lasts for so long.
And once it's gone, you will feel worse than before.

I often think that sadness is better.
Though sadness sometimes shakes me
It doesn't break me.
It can't because I'm used to it.
I can't feel worse if I don't know what happy is.