I am weak
And wobble as I stand
Like a baby bird
A phoenix, perhaps
Rising from the ashes
With a bit too much smoke
Left in its lungs.

The old husk
That shell built over many days
Of spring and rocks,
Gentle grass and balmy river
When it forgot it’s name was phoenix
Has been torn off
Too soon, like a scab
And the new skin underneath
Is tender in its infant stage
Under thin and ashy feathers.

Yes, it lives
Yes, it is rising

But one cannot go
From flames to flight
In an instant.

Let it instead be overnight
And let you, sweet bird
Rest
In the meanwhile.

I wasn't raised like you,
           I wasn't a full loaf of bread..

You were cut with the decency
        of a raised moment worth
                      a cut a slice pride.


Me, I wasn't like you,

misshapen
      raised morality..
                      you were perfection.


I was an uneven rising.

               Never to be cut like
you.

I was cut and never sliced in

a  correct line..
  

More like an uneven episode of
                 life,
burnt on some
                             sides....

not realising the potential of the other..
               I was just ill positioned in life.

I'm never going to respect you,
                       I'll just walk on the cracks.

And you'll avoid me, but I'm more pure than




               your morality, as I'm never plastic...


You faker than I'll ever be...
                               I'll die before you,

but at least i died realistically ..

I was sad but now I laugh,
I overcame the life I had,
Instead of being defined by the past,
I want to make things in life last.

I’ am independently me,
The very best version of myself that I could be.
I can rise above the abuse and hate,
For my minds in a better place.

I am not a toy I will not be played,
I’ll never bow down to a word you say,
Unlike many woman I will not stay,
For I am unmoldable, the opposite of clay.

No one in life will get me down,
I will stand up tall and proud,
Shout out to the rooftops outloud,
For who I truly am is found.

I love to be creative and unique,
Show men that a woman’s talent has diversity.
I do not depend on my exterior,
But rather focus on my interior being clearer.

For what’s in my soul truly matters,
Doesn’t depend which part of me is flatter,
For I love myself for every flaw,
Hoping one day you’ll see me the same way I saw.

the sun rises east of my heart,
shocking the cold with rays of tenderness that spread.
at noon it is eclipsed by my soul,
still ablaze,
brightness pooling around the edges of the bubbling mass of myself.
it journeys west in a trail blazed of longing
until it leaves the caverns of my ribs
cold once more.
yet there is no longer a bite to the chill,
for the promise of warmth thumps in my arteries.
my new reality is bright -
for she will rise again
and in that i must trust.

Reaching, rising,
touching, striving,
grasping success,
don't accept less.

Life is a lot like a river
The tides either help raise you up
Or lower tides can drag you under.
One false move
as you swim these emotionally
sensitive  energy currents....
Constantly keep  the emotions in a   balancing science..

Which helps the waters from turning "tsunami"  into wonder..
"How to Keep your head above the waters"
and "away from the gravels below?"
Strength and strict compliance to this ritual are always a skill..
A ritual..
A battle which always must be won..

Moods and unchecked thoughts are similar to a loaded six shooter.
You twirl the bullet wheel  and point the barrel to the head
Providing an answer on to the scene to where this "play" shall take you
or the rough waters shall take you through.
Memories of the past turning to obsessive weight
Kicking the stress of life's load to weigh one metric ton.


You must become like an Olympic swimmer and Albert Einstein rolled up into one character.
Smarts help you figure out a better equation instead of "Russian roulette"
and becoming a strong and skilled athlete can help one wrestle
their control over the tides wishing to
overthrow "this alpha male."
You become the victor through all of it.
Becoming a controller instead of being "controlled"
Energies kept in check.
Don't give in.
For one moment of allowing one's self to be overwhelmed or give in to
the energy effect of exhaustion
Can make your reactor
Powering your life's force
Blow as the Chernobyl Reactor blasted into lifelessness
You do not have to revisit history to know what and who such energy took down with it
So stay with the times
and never neglect yourself,
Never throw up your hands, and act out the phrase "forget it!"
The future is a brighter light than in the past.
Chose the right role in your life
and you shall win your Oscar
Thanks are due to the character in which you are bright to life
and as a director
you are a true actor.
in which you cast.

Disturbed by the sun
Brought hesitantly into the waking world
Hiding in the blanket
Shielding my eyes from the beams of light
Whispering to my mind;
"Rise, young one."

Waiting there
For my body to wake
Coming to the waking world
Almost in full

Rising from my cocoon
Slowly freeing myself
Emerging into the space that is my room

Stretching into the new area
A new volume to partially taken
Shifted from resting place to base
Looking in the mirror
There is my face
Eyes staring back at me
Shades of brown and green
Flickering from side to side
Studying my figure.

- Jay M
May 10th, 2019