you have no right to my heart
nor my mind
nor my memories
you are dead to me
as dead as the lifeless rock underneath my foot
a mere stepping stone

your actions speak louder than your words
your words which won't resonate anymore for i am tuned to a different frequency
you may said you loved me and that i was your best friend
but your betrayal is the singularity that will survive in our history

i will deflect any broadcast, any call or plea
across oceans and space
through weather cells and asteroid belts
banishing it from my orbit
the space around me that serves as my protective barrier
preserving who i am, despite your deep desire to dent that

the distinct lack of brevity in my naivety has brought me here
but now i am emotionally stronger, i feel the strength in my heart
where once the thought of you would be like a poisoned dart
imparting a paralysis of body and soul

today though, and for ever more, my heart is impenetrable to your cardiac sorcery
for the key to my emotions is hidden from you, untouchable
as your attempts to emotionally infiltrate me turns my blood into tar
and to you, my heart merely becomes a heart-shaped avatar

the future is bright past the darkness of this night
one where i looked for stars at my feet and my next step behind me
where i cursed the moon for the light it shed that showed me that which i wasn't prepared to see
the sentiment in my head has been carried for far too long
i am not an *** that drags your burden across this sentimental desert
looking for an oasis which is only surrounded by hemlock and pools of brine

i will remove these shackles and chains and venture forth
enjoying those around me
instead of this glorified ghost in my head
instead of glorification, perhaps it is the time for a dash of damnation
that may be the key ingredient here to cook up an emotional sensation

Cradled in her care, life begins young and fair,
Somehow over space and time
We seem to know  what's really there,
And when we die we are strewn
Like fallen angels made of dead leaves,
Around the yard of nature to be raked,
No matter what we want to believe,
Through all the years that it will take.

No matter how far we will traverse,
Even with unquestioned religion well rehearsed,
Renewed in morning dew, mile after mile,
All become the fruit of a compost pile.*

But that's not true, is it?
Life began with one quick sentence,
A crack of light-it must be legit,
Moulded clay, a rib from Adam,
In the end we all just turn to dust,
Hell will freeze over if it must,
So you can never ever trust us again,
New-age science is just stupidity then.

One day I will die, as is what happens with all.
   But I'm no longer scared. I won't be forever gone.
       Just like the Phoenix, I will come back, reborn onto this world.

https://vimeo.com/119862986
Crinkle of blade and flabbergasted
Oozing an ointment out of fresh
Pretty, such pretty
Shining skin.

Can we all say Amen?
Like Mama told us to in church.
But I don't wanna end up just like Mama
Or Grandmama from before
Or women from the 1940s, 30s, or 1800s
High neck collar, a glance of flesh
But don't shove down my glove
Powder on our noses--we stare down
From the very very high balcony.
We've got the shaking power
In our tightening hands
Like twisted vines and everyone's whispering
"Cave in."

But its true
We do--we ******* question it.
Oh? Whoops. I'm sorry--
So sorry. I did not just say the word
*******
Oh goodness, how unladylike of me
My crinoline and garter in my mouth
Smeared redness on cheeks of lust
But I could beg and plead
For you to not leave
But I would rather regurgitate
My otherworldly thoughts, instead.
But if I could, I would crash and crane and bang
A swift kick to the ribs
Red boiling heart on the cement
Tear my knife of love through them
The ones who struck through the swing set,
Oh my
I forgot--to annunciate the word "stop."
Or so you thought.


But if my clinging and longing
Paint drenched hands
Tell you anything at all, darling
I would leave behind marks and residue of
My freshly cut wounds
A little blood on my upper lip
But I would rather lay my ******* atop them
Because I chose to do so
Like the ***** that slinks next to me
Twirling into the sea I ride in.


A glimmering white soft moment
I never knew she could fly so fast
But a heavenly moment drags me down
Into the sounds of her heavy whimpering
My world of coughing up gold and lace
Thrown in my face
But I could never replace
How you thought you could destroy me--
Into nothing but a liver and bones.

But I rise above the flames
My red hair burning like sweet sorrow
On a lonely night you thought you might dismantle my toes
But my throne of yellow and missing arm
We seek no harm.


If I could give one thing
If I could loop and tingle my lingering limbs
I would throttle, lick, taste,
Every moment a woman cried into her palms
Every second of self worth questioning
Every time you looked for his face
Every hour you laughed until your stomach pained
Every minute you wet your fingertips
Every millisecond I slobbered
My fingertips

With the flight of me.

The moon is shining even in the morn
And I cannot help but gaze in wonder;
If what's made for the night can live in day
Then, why cannot my dead heart be reborn?

A father reborn


Waking up in tears, is a normal day,
Since I was informed, you had passed away,
I know you’d be angry, for me falling apart,
I try to be strong, but guilt crushed my heart,

I keep beating myself , for being away all the time,
When your clock in your body, had started to chime,
A countdown had begun, and you wasn't aware,
While I was out socialising, and didn't seem to care.

We barely spoke , when we were at home,
I didn't show you respect, by leaving you alone,
I was side tracked, by the lover in my life,
I should’ve saved our marriage, and cared for my wife.

I failed to even ask, how you were each day,
As I picked up my briefcase, and left on my way.
I failed as father, missed our children growing up,
Always in the distance, when I should’ve been close up.

I forgot each birthday, and anniversary as well,
I made your last months, difficult as hell,
I'm so sorry my love, I want you here next to me,
I was blinded by her lust ,when I needed to see,

I wasn't even beside you, as you took your last breath,
I was beside my lover, as I heard of your death,
I can't turn back time, and change what I’ve done,
But I promise you always, I'll be a father to our sons.

I have quit my job, and severed all ties,
To the place where I worked, and my life full of lies,
I didn't know how, to be a family man,
But I aim to be, the best father I can,

It's been challenging, upsetting and wonderful to see,
As a single father family, who are as close as can be,
You can rest in peace my love, as your memories live on.
As I see your spirit, in each of our sons.