weeks ago you let me know that all my fears were nonfiction
nowadays you cannot focus on my face when we speak
i think you hate seeing my tongue fidget behind my cheek
you tell me that the peach pit in my mouth will degrade my teeth
i never thought you cared much what i did or how it hurt me

Soakers threading into me
My atoms molecules of me
my patterned skin
my pores and holes
my gaseous aura
my melting pose.

Soakers pushing into me
tricking me with some instinct
and moving in and coming home
and knowing that im not alone.

Life might be too ******* us, as we always think. We always complain for the things we have to face and overcome, for the dissatisfaction and the things we can't always have. But, I guess it's just trying to teach us something important. I've just realize that the easier things to achieve the complicated our life might be. You see, if we will never learn how to push ourselves, to get out of our comfort zone, to make sacrifice, to believe and have faith or to do something we thought we can't but we did, we will never learn the value of something. It might be the value of someone to us, the value of their efforts, the things they do to get wherever they are right now, the importance of time we have while we're living or simply the value of life.

We will never learn how to be stronger, to be wiser. We might never have the chance of meeting the better version of us if everything was easy. And most importantly, if everything will be easy for us to get then everything will also be easy to be taken away from us. Life wants us to grow and learn every single time it throws us challenges or opportunity rather. An opportunity to extend ourselves and learn  or think more out of the box.

Be brave, be kind and always look forward to the good things. We never lose. If you made it, it will be an achievement and if you fail, consider it as a lesson that you have learned along the process. Sometimes we just need to learn things in a hard way, we will never fully understand the ways of life. But whatever it is, it's always about the choice that we make today that will lead us to where we will be tomorrow.

The most important lesson that I have learned is "The best part of learning is not when we are being taught, instead it is when we start to discover"

And wow, just like that, look how growth finally say hi to me.

Eons of water dripping on a stone
Altered and absorbed into creation--
But I need suddenness of something known
From Epiphany and Revelation.

Realization's not slow and steady,
Rather spontaneous elevation.
My need to learn demands I stay ready
For Epiphany and Revelation.

Show me no small lessons that life presents,
But insight with dramatic sensation!
Life unfolds in a series of events
Of Epiphany and Revelation.

Even silence is thunderous rapture
Triggering profound imagination.
Knowledge springs from the wisdom I capture
With Epiphany and Revelation.

Who I am today is a product of
Awe in my moments of education.
It's these times in life that I've learned to love--
My Epiphany and Revelation.

When the moth no longer meditates on the cloth
When the fish fails to flit when it’s caught
When the calling crickets lose the will to whip up noise
When the eagle’s eagerness is evaporated along with poise
When all of nature neglects itself, adrift on its track
You’ll know for sure those feelings aren’t coming back

I often wish that I was still a child.
So many things change when we grow up.
Innocence becomes lost,
days become shorter,
the nighttime still scares me,
playing house becomes a game of survival,
boys become men, men become frightening,
I become sad, worried, anxious, and self-aware,
friends will lose their half of the necklace or their friendship ring,
being loved by someone will determine my worth,
I no longer feel small next to the kitchen counter,
but in the presence of everyone around me,
“Forever” loses its meaning,
everyone will eventually leave,
death is no longer a myth,
I will not smile as often as I did,
I will not cry as little as I did,
I will not feel safe in school anymore,
I will not go outside and play anymore,
I will try and pick the imperfections off of
my skin until it is red and bleeding,
**** in my stomach whenever I walk,
work myself into exhaustion,
feel overwhelmed by every task,
have anxiety attacks in public places,
and wish that I was a child again.

Addiction to yourself.
Looking for bliss.
It comes in waves.
You search for it.
Constantly examining yourself.
Not wanting to believe in the bad,
but it is there.
Until there comes a want
a will
an ability to become.

At that point it is replaced by a power.
It is our intention.
We really want to be free.
Feel the motions.
Relieve the suffering.
Creating a life.

The only one
You're destined
To be with
Is,
You.




                                       (p.p) 4/15/15