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kristine w Dec 2019
"Pillar, pillar, pillar".
Gosh
who am I kidding?

"Support".
Maybe
you're my stability?

Falling,
however,
through your aid.

Upwards and downwards,
With and without you.
The latter seems fair,
though
the former too
                            don't.
So,                 or
       help me
boohoo emo time
Bones Dec 2019
I wish i could just let it out, all my fears are just crystalized inside me
My sentences are longer, words shorter, the length doesn't matter
I hold my breathe, take it in, the scene before me happening again
I leave quickly, my heart beating, my fear raising, my hands shaking
I want to forget seeing that, suffering on another's hand, a red spot
On the cheek of someone who wants to forget, I want to forget
I don't want the bonds of society holding me down, nor the words
I don't want the judge to look at me and say "guilty" to my face
I stand in winter, stand in ice, in the frost crawling up, freezing me
To this place I stand, alone and cold, frightened of what's ahead,
I can't go home, as i don't know where it is anymore, i'm alone
I sit on a staircase outside an apartment, sidewalk barren
Cars brushing by, quick and heavy, one step and the end of my story
I don't want to die, but i don't want to live, can't you understand?
And if i ever take that stand, in front of that judge to say my part,
What would i ever say, what would i ever do, if its my crime,
but if it's not my crime entirely, taking the stand as alone as ever,
My partner gone, the room empty, just the judge and me, alone then
So if that judge does look at me and says "innocent", what would i do
Would i just go free, back to plain ,back to normal, and idiotic sayings
I hope not, because, I am guilty as everyone else is, of pain and lies
Blood and sweat, tears strolling down, feeling emotionless,
We have all felt that moment, of all these combined,
My fears are shared by society, shredded by people, laughed at
I'm scared of myself, being myself, look at others with complete truth
So i will never raise my hand, i won't speak or lie or care,
because my fear is just too great, my life is just too small
It's so small, so incomplete, i feel so gone, so alone
Standing on the sidewalk, moving slow and mournful,
reaching the edge, the curve, the *****, the mountain to climb
If i step into the lane, the cars, would i be forgotten, like others
Would i be like the rain that comes down and ,we notice it sure,
But forget what it gives us, would i just be the puddle after
would i be an ad in the newspaper claiming a sad tale,
I'd just be a story to tell to people about the community,
Forgotten like half of history, lied about by people who didn't know
I'd be just a story afterwards, but if i turn and walk down the street
Would i ever succeed at something, make my way to the courthouse
and say to that judge on the podium, "You don't get to decide"
what would happen, to me, to others, to us as people entirely,
And so i walk on, sludging through everyday life, concerned
Yes, i may trip and stay down for a few minutes,
but i will get up and walk on until i get to that courthouse,
And am able to say my piece to the judge
as we all are the problem
and i would say,
"Judge, we are all guilty"
wow look a vent poem thing
17th Dec 2019
I'd rather be whining about unrequited teenage love
than to suffer the complicated things about adult relationships
I miss worrying about my appearance the way I did
in a idealized way
secretly hoping it would all be a matter of time

I miss being alone in my room
not being alone in my apartment




I do realize I'm stronger
I do realize I'm wiser
I do realize I'm independent
I do realize I'll be through it
But I still cry and feel fearful
vulnerable
breakable
17th Dec 2019
cringe.
*******
     *******
*******
     *******
*******


you're immature
emotionally unstable
you're ******* rude
*******
*******

I love you
but you're an *******
I love you
but this will not work this way

I'm the biggest joke of all
because I believed you were different
I believed you were smarter
I believed you were wiser

go *******
go and forget about me
go and pretend to care about another one
go and pretend to love another one
go
just ******* go
M Dec 2019
You **** me off,
you ****** *****,
You moan, put down and gossip.

You're negative,
repetitive
and your attitude is caustic.

A coincidence
you're stupid, too?
Somehow I think not.

Insecurity
and a low IQ
are the building blocks you've got.
Grey Dec 2019
Why is it
That inspiration hits
at all the wrong times?

Wandering the woods,
no pen in sight,
and suddenly the greatest idea dawns on me.
Distracts from the nature and beauty around
as I repeat it again and again
in the hopes that it will be etched into my mind.

I rush to the place
where I can write it all down
where it can be remembered forever
But when I arrive
It is gone without a trace.

At night, when all is dark,
when silence is the key to survival,
it slinks into bedrooms
and curls up in tired minds.

Keeps me awake for hours,
only to disappear at the first sign of light
leaving me alone again.

And yet, I'll stare at a paper
For days, years, decades
And ideas evade me.
My mind is blank
as the sheet in front of me.

And nothing comes to mind.
Grey Dec 2019
Like a shooting star, what was once now is gone forever
leaving a trail of memories behind,
the only thing lighting this bleak sky called life.
The night is cold and we are restless,
staring at the dark ceiling caging us in.
Headphones cover the ears of the sane,
blocking out the screams of their companions.
And here I stand,
surrounded by voices blending and changing,
monsters streaking out of mouths and
capturing others before freeing them
only to make them its slave – a contagion,
contaminating even the purest of hearts.
The sounds from my sweet songs mix
with the knives from the real world,
easily piercing through the fragile film
that keeps out the monsters.
As the daggers bury deeper into my haven
the darkness slips in,
wrapping me up and stifling my silent screams.
The headphones removed, reality’s sky blinds me
as the monster slides down my throat
and settles in my gut.
It curls around my stomach and lungs and tightens its grip,
now a constrictor leeching the life out of its prey.
I’ve been caught. The virus called life
has
found
me.
Ritz Writes Nov 2019
State of silence and silent tears, wet pillows and fears
Left us paralyzed, with a mortal body that could neither feel nor think.
Confined within the cage, heart fueled with rage;
To wreak vengeance, to seek justice when each bygone days were heaped with debts.
" To live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering." ~ Friedrich Nietzsche
babie Nov 2019
i feel like im out of my body
and i know what that's called, but
there's nothing wrong with me, of course.

sometimes i don't want to be awake.
sometimes i feel so alive that i can't catch my breath.

i'm never home unless I'm with him.
which means
I'm almost never home.
just some ranting, I'm all good
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