i am a bomb.
tick tick ticking.
i am neutral as of now
who knows when i'll explode
taking everyone near me out, too.

im so sorry for all the pain
i have brought upon you.
im so sorry for always making you worry.
im so sorry for never being stable.
i know its annoying when
you have to constantly check
and double check
and triple check
that im safe
and doing as well as can be.
i know the dry replies are hard to work around.
when i don't have the mental capacity
to hold a single ******* conversation.
"yeah"
"lol"
"ok"
its hard for me, too.

im so ******* scared of being alone.
i can hardly function with the support i have,
how the **** will i do it on my own?
the answer is simple :
i wont.

i will give up on myself
just as everyone else has.
i will collapse into the dirt
moldy and rotten
a corpse of empty emotion.
and nobody will dig me up.

maybe it's okay i don't feel anything for you anymore.
maybe it's okay i've moved on.
i am no longer fueling the fire of the hatred you possess for everyone you can't understand.

you couldn't understand me.
i didn't want you too.
i was unpredictable and selfish.
you were naive and hateful.

i want to get better.
you want to subject more victims.
i can live without you.
you can't live with knowing i no longer care.

i've always known how to torture you inside.
you always knew how to push me to that point.

i'm happy knowing you're still sad.
i am happy knowing you're in pain.

i'm ****** up.
but you ****** up.
now you can't live with your mistake.
but mine was always intentional.

that's the thing that made you so angry.
the thing that you could never understand.
how could everyone always forgive me?

i guess i'm simply oh so forgivable, honey.