Like the rounded tip
of God's clipped big toenail
     is late August's moon.

I feel like a half moon in a full blue sky, Weaving neap tides, a subtle lullaby. I drift in circles, revisiting places, Wishing the wind could carry me through spaces.

Caught in a cycle, I must confess, Some days I feel whole, moments of success. Everything's beautiful when I’m truly living, Yet I always find myself back at the beginning.

Like the moon, I have my phases, A relentless return to familiar places. In an unbroken cycle, a path well-tread, Like the moon, my heart waxes and wanes instead.

I'm a half moon in a full blue sky, Weaving neap tides, singing a lullaby. Drifting in circles, retracing my steps, Wishing the wind could carry me, I confess.

In this cycle, I find my truth, Days of fullness, moments of youth. When I'm present, life is a vivid scene, Yet I always return to where I’ve been.

Like the moon, my phases are clear, Always returning, year after year. In this unbroken cycle, my heart finds its way, Waxing and waning, night turns into day

sparkling shattered citrine
bleeding out of a broken promise
wondering why he did me like a piece of garbage
cast away, ran away
wondering why i hold myself hostage
past erased, ran away
bleeding out of a potent promise

dear rowan,
the atmosphere was as light as a feather, and as i stared at you, i imagined that we would be the couple of the night we see in romantic movies. i have fond memories of all the great things that we used to do together, the joy that we experienced, and the underlying love and care that we had for one another. you deceive me with your gaze, and the curve of your lips entices me to come closer.

i don't want the happy memories we shared with you to be tainted by the pain that is still here. i don't want to link you in my mind with the lingering melancholy. these distracting thoughts are starting to swamp my mind. i can hear it precisely now, and it's getting deafening inside my head. when i thought about you, i was reminded of my trust. you're hurting me more with what is true than with your lies.

you captivated me by your first greeting then you shattered my heart by saying your first goodbye. i fell in love with you so deeply, but you abandoned me; could you perhaps explain why? how did we get to this point? what happened to all the times i held your hand, all the times i whispered sweet nothings in your ear, all the times i did everything i could to show you i loved you?

you got rid of my worries and made them go away, but at the same time, you got rid of my love and tore my heart out. my chest is in excruciating pain as your eyes turn away from mine, and i can see all of the love fading away from your eyes as the days go by. as you turned away, telling me that today was the day you needed to stop, my heart broke a little.

i am aware that love can be hard to come by, but losing your love would be too much for me to take. so i take a deep intake of the icy air as i sit here all by myself in the dark on a chair made of wood. the tears that i cry each and every day seem to be dripping as my mind wanders further and further away.

perhaps the most amazing part of it all was when we finally connected. the way you walked and talked, as well as those sparkling eyes, continue to infiltrate my thoughts both throughout the day and at night. darling, you light a fire in my dark soul and inspire me to put pen to paper. if, on the other hand, i start to feel wrath and grief as a result of your leaving, i ask that you not take it to heart.

rowan, the truth is, i never leave. what's more, i stayed despite of all the difficulties. never once have i considered leaving. i am worried that if i did that, it would inflict an irreparable pain, and it would make you feel like a somewhat less whole person because you might find flaws in yourself despite the fact that you are complete. leaving is the option i would choose the least if given a chance, but if it's for your personal good, i wouldn't make you stay with me even if it meant that my world would become more gray if we weren't together. i have hope that you are aware of how much i loved you and how much i treasure the fact that you exist. but at this point, you made up your decision to go because things had begun to give you a sense that they were not quite right. i am aware that wishing for your continued presence is fruitless because there is no longer any light at the end of the tunnel.

rowan, i regret the ending. the fact that we can't be an iconic hollywood couple who always gets their happily ever after in a movie. the way we couldn't part ways without hurting one another. the way we made it appear as if the time we spent together sharing our love was meaningless. i don't know what healing looks like, but getting rid of your scent on my hoodie feels like the right spot to have a good start again.

From a steady phase
i've witnessed a lit sky;
it was as surreal as any

until I met a spark —
exposing this blank field
silencing the sky for us

and it was glistening
beating the moonlight
and all the constellations.

To a better phase
i've witnessed a lit sky;
it was as colorful as you

until I met a twinkle —
reflecting my adoration
for you, from my eyes

that's how I met you twice
my spark and my twinkle
and you were extraordinary

Tears falling from the eyes
Heavy sigh that comes from the mouth
Eyebrows trying to meet each other
Nose shining through the redness
I remind myself,
It's a beautiful phase

face after face,
i put an X on your face.
cross out all of you wonders,
one wonder after another.
drown you in the spine fluid;
blend you in with the memories.
do not miss me, for i
was just a little phase.