Silver lines are strained, have framed my time and brain's an age. The novel way it's colours fade, settled in for a third or fourth phase, this comfort zone presides. Collectively we bind, struggling in life.
How can you sleep knowing that you can easily hurt someone close to you? Easy, it's because they don't know you're hurting You put up all these walls to the point that saying "it's fine" is the verge of tears You know you're not fine, but you push through it all Trying to stay focus on one project a day gets harder as days pass You just wish for someone to ask if you need help with any of your projects ...but no...no one ask, but it's fine It's fine that you can silently cry and no one will notice your puffy red face It's fine that you had to suppress emotions to make your friends and family happy It's fine that your parents haven't seen you have an anxiety attack Wait, no...change that, to the fact that parents think my anxiety is part of a phase If it was a phase, I would like it to be over already A phase is what my parents were thinking when I wanted to dye my hair A phase is what my friends thought when I realized I liked girls But hey, it's fine Generally okay with the fact that I will rarely get support from family But it's fine because my "family" that I have created thanks to some loyal friends will be there holding signs, screaming my name louder than everyone It's fine that I can barely speak about myself without getting mixed up emotions Emotions that have been hiding under my bed with the monsters that stopped existing The emotions everyone clearly don't want to see with me...so then I put up more walls Each wall stronger than the last one Using all kinds of materials for each wall But its it's okay because I think it's fine.
Recently, I wrote this poem and hoped that it would help me through all my tough times in the start of the new year...in the end all I kept saying was "it's fine."
It is true pain changes people. But you know what pain also does; it hurts you, it breaks you, it drains you, it disconnects you from the people around you at times.
It sometimes makes you feel like giving up on your life. But maybe that's just a phase.
Maybe we have to break to heal. Maybe we have to fall to rise. Maybe we give up to fight. Maybe we have to make mistakes to learn. Maybe we have to tear to be courageous.
Maybe we have to go through chaos to find peace. Maybe we have to feel weak to be strong. Maybe we have to get messed up before we step up. Maybe going down was a part of the plan of rising up once again better.
Pain brings out the worst, the best and sometimes it is just different. And you get to choose who you get to cast yourself as.
You get to pick up those pieces and place them the way you want to be. Sometimes it isn't bad, it isn't good, it's just different. And that's alright.