Coming into the kitchen,
slightly beyond hungry,
tremendous, happy
excitement fills me.

There is still something
left in the house to eat.
Pasta.

Opening the fridge, the little
green army of boxes
smiles back at me.
"We're still here! And so are
the sea salt, and the olive oil,
and the peanut butter!"

Never had peanut butter pasta?
You're missing something!

Oh come hither to me
My sweetest honey roasted peanut lips
Your almonds I will nibble
You won't be able now to sleep
Let me crack your  perfect pecans
I will walnut you away
I will **** away your cashews
Lick all the salt away
I will ****** all your Brazil nuts
They are most precious I must say .
Yes I have gone completely nutty
What more could I say .

There is a snack size container of peanut butter sitting in the pantry
And I'm sitting across the room but I can feel it's weight as acutely as my own
I checked the package three times, hoping the numbers would change when i returned
282
282
282 calories
I'm having a panic attack over a snack because the one thing I crave more than anything else in the world is the sticky, nutty taste of JIF brand peanut butter of which I am undeserving

My grandmother loved peanut butter
So much that they had to hide it from her if they wanted any hope of a satisfactory sandwich
My mom hid food too
Stole it like kiss after kiss
Sneaking cookies from the houses where she babysat
Getting crumbs on her swelling chest in the dark embrace of her teenage bedroom
A buffet for one
And now I'm in my grandmothers house
Hoping that there's peanut butter in heaven
Because here there's just photographs and the lingering scent of her Chanel number 5 perfume

Like mother, like daughter, like granddaughter they say
You can trace my family line as easily as the stretch marks that litter our bodies
But I am breaking the cycle by falling into my own
I have learned that hunger pangs are better than the climbing figures on the scale
So I lift a glass of water to my lips
And I leave the peanut butter in the pantry so no one will ever have to hide food from me

jars of peanut butter not yet opened
and being the first to scrap the silken surface
with the knife

your favorite movie airing on television
and watching it again all thrilled because
some tv execs wanted to share it with the world

taking a t-shirt out of the dryer
and for a brief wonderful moment
it warms your cold morning skin

being alive

The baby goat's mother was shot.
And I was forced to listen to it cry.
Forever forlorn and distraught
And i stood there- hands covering ears
Traveling back in time
----------------------------------------------------
Your mothers heart stopped
And I was forced to listen to you cry.
Lost in a huge world, more alone
And i stood there- hands covering ears

I heard you through the vents
"My mom is dead! My mom is dead"
Falling to the floor I wished I still dreamt
But she had called me before her bed

I heard her voice message months later
You still cried yourself to sleep at night
Sleeping with earplugs....I wish I didn't bake
Because I thought I killed her that night

Peanut butter cookies:
She taught me the recipe.
And two days before she vanished,
I brought her a dozen.
Autopsy reports showed an hour before death;
She took two bites of my cookies-
Went upstairs and her heart stopped.

Coincidentally exactly four years later,
I finally made peanut butter cookies again
And the smell of sweet peanut butter roasting
Stopped my heart

Little soul - are you satisfied?
She's crying over him,
He's leaving because of her,
  You're trying to keep him here,
    And he's struggling to breathe and nobody likes to face the truth
And I should have answered the call
and I should have
Little soul little soul you're going too far
He isn't yours to sweep into the pond

Your eyes cannot see into the correct situation's panacea
evening glow, oh! so pure and whole
aeration of the dust-packed pores inside
Little soul, Little soul - no.
Don't go there
Don't wander into -
LITTLE SOUL!
I saw you open the package before the allotted date
styropeanuts, strewn cross't wooden paneled flooring
white infinity symbols, floating in rusty red blood
I told you the truth would set you free
And I warned you what it would do
Little soul.
Little soul.

You are my peanut butter,
I want you everyday,
Breakfast, lunch,
Snacks and dinner,
You go perfectly with my jelly.

why do they salt the outside
we eat the organs
and leave the shredded exo-
skelatals
underfoot and on the desk