they're here, i said, we've gotta run fast.
who's here, he said.
they're here to get me, i said, don't you hear them?
hear what, he said.
the voices, i said, the scraping on the wall, getting closer and closer and closer and closer... they're going to hurt me, they're going to.
you're okay, he said
they're hurting me, i said, they're here, right here, it hurts.
they're not, he said, it's all in your head.
deep breath, deep breath, now open your eyes.

It's a dark night
Purple veins are conquering the sky
The haunting thunder is surrounding me


Teardrops are falling from the sky
rolling down my icy cheeks
The cry of piercing wind is petrifying
slithering in one ear
crawling out the other


I kept inhaling
Not knowing which breath would be my last
My head light
My vision faint
The last bits of life were bleeding out of me.

I feel the water against my skin
I know when I am almost drowning
I can sense the snakes poking my atmosphere
As I draw my knife.


One of my eyes pinned
The other one the watch
Because I am naked
And nothing will hurt me again.

I was a wobbly little girl
Tortured by my devil
She chased and chased me
Hunting me down


Criticised my success
Laughed at my victory
Shortened my smiles
Prevented my laughs


My first tear
My only snap
My loudest sob
The whitest flag


I cried for help
there she was
I called emergency
there she was
I raced to school
there she was
I ran back home
there she was


Darkness flowed through her veins
Jealousy kept her running
Black magic empowered her
Sorcery concealed the naked


my head ******
my hands tied
my face torn
my vision blurred


Now she shoots and shoots
and shoots right through me
She strikes and strikes
and strikes up my smile


Protected by my love
I realised right then
I tried to die once
Never again.

I breathe
Still, the fear lingers
As my blood runs cold
Was it from above
Or beneath the very floor where I plant my foot

Will they peak beside me
The moment I catch my eye
Is my family still there
Will they be able to hear me cry

This is the fear I live
The sheer horror
Or discrete you may dismay
My mind unravels
And elsewhere takes away

And I wait
And wait
In utter loneliness
Perhaps I am not alone
They’re there

I feel them watching me
They know I fear
They feed off it
And I wait for them to show
Because I know they are near

Soviet Jet
Soviets are like mosquitoes
Always there in the environment
There’s no escape from them
They get in your head

So they rule you remorsessly
By power of paranoia
A bite is a bullet
An infection is a bomb

A disease is a nuclear blast
Mosquitoes are Russians
Russians are mosquitoes
Waiting to be eradicated

By a superior power
Always ready for war
Endless circle of deceit
Mosquito flight round you

Looking for an opening
To attack you
While you sleep
The Russian way

Keep you off guard
Then get you
But not if we strike
And drain their pond

Spray them with insecticide
So they never breed again
No more Novichok
Or nukes or bio weapons

Finally we are safe
Except from our own
******* PARANOIA!!!

Foggy brain
Sleepless brain
Brain full of thoughts

Let me rest
Let me tame
My own heart

I cannot breath
I cannot see
What's coming for me

Every night
Every time
Afraid of myself

Creating fear
Creating dread
Over something that doesn't exist

I know I'm out of order
I know it doesn't make sense
But nothing matters

when I feel this awake

My anxiety is a large fur coat.
Its made of dead things
But it keeps me safe from the elements.
I overheat, most likely because I keep it on too much.
I don't want to risk a sudden cold front.
I don't want to ever be exposed to the elements again.