My legs
can't lift the weight of my body
for there are ropes
wrapped around my feet
holding them to the ground,
trying to pull them down deep.

And my shoulders
hang low
because the weight upon my head
and my chest
keeps me closer to the ground
where hell is found.

And my eyes
are sinking in
because of the weights placed in their sockets
to keep any smiles from popping
onto my lips.

I'm trying to survive my own apocalypse
but every day
more weight is added.
to my head,
my chest,
my eyes.
And I'm afraid it will be my demise.

Getting closer and closer
to the ground,
I'll be in hell now,
or maybe somewhere in between.

I am a snow ball
Melting into a liquid puddle
Evaporating
Disappearing
By the thirsty air feeding on me

© Jl 2016

im sick,
burn my wick,
so that it will end,
then we can pretend,
that i was never really here,
and no one will try and hold me dear,
because the pain is far to much to take,
and its adventually going to make me break,
this is all far to much for one man to hold alone,
i think its going to adventually rip right down to the bone,
so take me far away from the place called home that i hate,
because the wick is all burned up and everything is far too late

The
scariest
place to be
is on the
          edge...

                         the precipice
                             between
        keeping it together
                    and falling
                    into
          the abyss

Knowing
      that when you fall
you
    fall
a
l
o
n
e

It's a daunting task to fix yourself.
It's like trying to clean a toddler's room,
Or raking leaves on a windy day.
It's an endless task,
Cause it's never just one thing—
When it rains, it pours.
Be kind to others,
Work hard at school.
Love your father,
Always say your prayers.
Don't be so depressed,
Don't be such a dork.
Try to be more friendly,
Try to make new friends.
You've got to lose those extra pounds.
Oh, but please don't starve yourself!
Control your thoughts,
Control your words.
Be responsible,
And be mature.
Make sure you get enough sleep,
But you can't sleep the day away.
Be an example for all to see—
You never know who's watching.
I can't do this all at once!

the more I take action
is the less I have to think
the more I reflect on others
the less I have to feel
when I sit still
the truth is overwhelming
I have no idea
where this all is going
am I happy?
Or is that a false emotion
one can only be happy
when they stay in motion.

I've been subjected
To far too much
Of your *******.

One
Two
Three.
Each have their equal.

Makes a
Two
Four
Six.
All married in the squeal.

Make a movie from this *******.
Write a trilogy for youth.
Paste the pictures on a portrait.
Turn the ******* into truth.

Truth.
What's the
Truth.
Lately I don't give a
****.

Where is God
Where is Allah
Where is Buddha
Where is man.

They're all out there to
Protect us
To give us a glimmer of
Hope.
But I don't feel protected
Not in all of this
*******.

You can't tell me that I matter
With a straight face.
And how funny it is
That you expect me to believe you
When you say it'll be "alright"
And you whisper
"baby please don't
fright"
Baby baby please don't
Frighten the children
With your talk of
Failing kingdoms
And your thoughts of
Desperation.
Baby baby please
Keep it to yourself.

Do you see it yet?
Can you taste it?
All the
*******.
So readily available
For us to take.
To inhale
To pop down
To drink
To inject
To "respect your authority"
To "mother knows best"

Don't let it swallow you up.
When one turns to two
And two turns to four
And then three turns to six
And you're the last one left
To pick up the sticks
Of your crumpling family tree.

Maybe if your two sisters and your brother
All got married and went off with their
New little families
You would understand
Just what I'm going through.
This failing family I'm asked to
Hold together with old band aids
That were used to cover the
Scars in this unit we shared.
Those scars that we swept under the rug
Those "let's not talk about it"
Those "she'll be alright."
I'm sure she just got overwhelmed
By this single moment.
There can't be anything
That we're missing.
There can't be a question
We didn't ask.

It's all *******.

How much longer must I paint on my face
Each morning
To maintain this facade
That I'm not broken inside.
That I'm not so
God
****
Alone.

Drowning
Down
Down
Down
In all of this
*******.

Trying to reach the surface
Trying to let you know that I'm
Not okay.
And that I'm no longer sure that
I will be.

How much longer must I
Stay here.
Hearing you all sing
"Baby baby it'll be alright
Don't you worry don't you fright
It's just a phase
It's just a feeling
It'll pass
It'll pass."
Well let me tell you what.
Let's pretend you care for a minute
And hear me out one last time.
Then I'll shut up and you can go on
Drinking down your ******* with a painted on smile.

Sometimes people are not okay.
Sometimes people are suicidal.
Sometimes people are struggling.
Sometimes people fail.
And sometimes people don't need a doctor
Or a pill off some prescription
To be okay again.
Sometimes they need you
To break through the *******
And to stop caring about
Politics and what your mother and father taught you
To be right.
Sometime you need to forget it all for a friend.
Tear away the stigmas and the stereotypes and all of the
*******
And just hear them out.
Hold them close and tell them
"Baby baby it's okay
To not be okay
All of the time."

Sometimes we just need a break
From the *******.
So please,
Just give me some space.
I'll be okay.
I'm sure I just got overwhelmed
By this single moment.
It's just a phase
It's just a feeling
It'll pass.
It'll pass.

The world
it overwhelms me
and i figured out the cause

point to something
and I'll tell you why it is SO beautiful
ANYTHING
give me a situation

I figured it out
Why I over think over think
because everything is beautiful
and GOD it keeps my mind running
I want to look at it longer
and I want to elaborate on it in my head
forever.