Stuck in my own thoughts
All alone
The darkness swallows me
As a whole

I wish for a peace of mind
Away from the voices
Haunting me all the time
I close my eyes as they get louder
Hoping the darkness will wash them away
Instead pictures ignite, keeping me at bay
I realize there’s no escape
To free me from this cage
I wait till sleep comes to drift me away
From the words and images of the demons keeping me awake

For long you've been haunted,
but finally, the chest breaks open.
At last, continue onward.
The final lock's been shattered.
But make no mistake,
resistance wasn't pointless.
As now within your grasp
its contents are for grabs.
It's all you ever wanted.
It's all for you to take.
It's all that ever mattered.
It's how you trigger traps.

I feel cold
Thinking about what the stars foretold,
It is inevitable
One day you'll leave me alone.

I had my meds ready
And my tissues are plenty;
How much tears will I shed?
I hope it helps, the scenarios in my head.

Overthinking is a curse
But it does mitigate the worse
The darkness was my bit of light, isn't it ironic—
It's like having a villain save everyone's life... isn't that iconic.

How twisted my world
It gave me the cure even before the disease do unfold;
Tonight it's cold
Without a blanket I curved into a ball
Thinking about the sad things that seems probable.

I sit
in silence
but never
is it silent
when you live in
my head.

Thoughts will
always
flash by,
like a race car
in a thundering
arena.

They don’t
just leave
though.

My head is a
Venus fly trap
for ‘bad’ thoughts.

It latches
on.

Some people try
and say
to be grateful
for all of the
opportunities
the thoughts give me.

They say I’m
creative.

That’s not
the right word
though.

Creative is too bright,
too chipper.

Wild imagination,
another common one.

It’s better,
to an extent.

But what no one
can seem to think of
is struggling.

It’s not
that it’s hard
to think of.

They’re just
scared.

It’s okay,
I understand.

I’m scared too.

Even if it won't help anybody but me
It has to be worth it anyway.
Writing down how I feel within me,
How my mind is leading me astray.

I once thought that I found the way
That I knew where I'm going and why.
I thought, I understand and can say
What is wrong and what is right.

Turns out I again was wrong
Things are different, more complex.
After all I feel broken, alone,
And it has become hard to relax.

I am wondering when it is time
For myself to just fall and let go,
To be able to let my thoughts be
And to breath, deeply breath, on my own.

Instead I am feeling estranged
From this world and my thoughts
Alienated.
I am trying to grasp what it means
And I don't understand,
Feeling frustrated.

This is where this poem leads us
Needless to say into the unknown
And repeatedly one may have asked,
Is there really nowhere she can go?

You ask me to get dinner
So casually I almost didn't hear it
And the chemistry is there
And you're waiting for my yes
But all I do is stare
In my head he tells me to go
But my heart is screaming no

You asked me to get dinner
So casually I chose not to hear it
And the chemistry is there
And yeah we could be a match
But I wouldn't dare
In my head he tells me to go
But his heart is all I want to know