Two simultaneous symphonies
Play in my head-
One completely off key
One not quite up to speed
I close my eyes and breathe
Count 1, 2, 3 and say
Let there be nothing!
And there is nothing
For precisely two seconds
Till the music creeps back
More fragmented than before.
Is sleep voluntary like dancing
Involuntary like heartbeats
Or a combination like breathing
Or blinking
Do other people have orchestras warring in their head?

We feel so deep that we reach an abyss

We feel nothing because we feel everything all at once

Our hearts are trying to send too much data to our brains--

O v e r l o a d !

It ain't ever enough.
Just one touch.
When you loved me so hard.
Every moment feels like I'm losing you.

I'm on a ride that's forever crashing.
You take me so high.
I can't bare to get off..
But I know I can't stay on.

When your presence tears me in pieces.
I can't even breathe right.
When you kiss me.
I just can't see the light.

I give in.

The computer
So complex, always developing
Never carefree
Overloaded with so many memories
Of love,
Loss, anger and everything
Screaming signals
For the downloads to just stop
Cancel, change tracks and
Get off
Leaving the paranoia and insecurity behind
All that's left is the battle of the minds
Dizzy with violent thoughts ad fantasies
Overflowing rivers of possibilities

Love is joy, has a limited time
Anger is destructive, and out of line
Grief is never over, and done
Fears yet, to be overcome

The storage continues to overpile
With emotional paralysis
Eventual unconsciousness
-> Download incomplete

i wish i could overload
Your messages
Explaining the way i feel for you.

Four exams in five days
On top of a group meeting
And an eight hour work shift
With an hour drive one way
To school, then back
And family and homework
After a holiday weekend
And somehow I think
I'll meet the sixth day
And be all right;
This too shall pass,
Or so they say.

These lines experimental but elemental to your mental,
My creativity,
Will never submit to the minimal,
Isotopes subliminal penetrating the simple,
Similes send criminals to infiltrate your biochemicals,
Infected stanzas with stacked syntaxes sickness,
My subconscious semiautomatic and stimulated,
Formulate semblances of Leviathan illuminated,
It's a tragedy my soul's has become a victim of gravity,
Now my temples been raided,
My nirvana's disseminated,
And I've contemplated annihilation of self,
Picturing my end as a senile senior citizen,
With no one by my side,
My mind can't complete a sentiment,
Remembering has become my source of a smile,
But it's making me even more curious to taste the end of this projectile,

I am not what I used to be
So now in the shadow of unspoken events
Everything whimsical is leaving
Words fill my head, they fragment like artillery shells
they tare through it forcing irreparable damage.
Time has accelerated
Born out of the absence of light
Shaped by my own hands
Justly worthy to be referenced and adored
I re-encounter what my elation briefly with held
The thirst for the dangerous
Obliterate the incomprehensible crowding thoughts
The stampede within my head
The mayhem of the many visions
Lock them down, all that fracture within my head
Inexplicable wanderings of mindful musings
Spontaneous perceptions
Shadow of foe
Encircling their fears with distractions
Pulsing in endless repetitions
I am the one whose throat is stripped bare.
I am the one who has not spoken in years
A distant moon to sense

© Crystal Erickson

Another one to add to my record books
I've watched yet another day's sunrise
but today's mash of day to night to day run on is slightly bent
Maybe it's how the clouds & sky looks
OR MAYBE my peace is on one of those really awesome highs
But to me it feels like the weather is trying to repent

Alone in my mind, I frequent there quite a bit
I'm a V.I.P. member, platinum access
Party of one, that reservation will never change
Routine time after time I'm left standing, too crowded to sit
&& knowing the outcome every time, yet still I habitually return to the mess
Some great times come out of there, I know it seems strange

My attention is rather easy to get but you won't have it long
Distractions catch me quick, lost in another disorganized thought
Loud endless static echo's from the constant ruckus
Which can be more annoying than a jammed doorbell's "DING ****, DING ****"
Focus is nonexistent with all the commotion, which is quite a lot
BUT I am not becoming one of the hopeless

Alone in my mind, always working overtime
Day or night doesn't matter when, it doesn't take breaks
Untangling it can sometimes be a tedious mission
Worse than trying to get directions from a mime
Hours could be lost by how long it takes
& for a split second, eyes blind to reality with empty vision

Now inside trying to sort & arrange my thoughts & word flow
From what makes sense & what needs to get real
But just like quick sand, it never fails
I get stuck in the same place
To my notebook's pages, it refuses to cooperate & correctly go
But it's not always such a big ordeal
Occasionally the words nice & easily fall into the correct space

Alone in my mind is where I usually can be found
When I'm up with the moon & stars
& all the house is fast asleep
There I sit with notebooks all around
With pages of scribbles about life & how it scars
But that's where my soul speaks & my emotions run deep