sweet children, pay attention closely
I'm the voice out of the pillow
i've brought something for you
i've ripped and teared it out of my brest,
with this heart i've got the power
to extort the eyelids.
i sing till the day wakes up
a bright glimpse by the firmament
my heart is burning.

they come to you by night
demons, ghosts, black fairies
they crawl out of the shaft of the cellar and basement
and will see you under your bedding.


my heart's burning

they come to you by night,
and steal your small hot tears,
they wait until the moon wakes up
and press them in my cold veins.

death welcomed me,
But didn't let me die yet.

"...Walking out of that place
With you, my friend, by my side,
I felt like a soldier after war:
I was void of my senses.
I lacked all feeling of physical pleasure
And pain.
I forgot what it meant to possess
Simplicity, joy, and contentment,
Like a billionaire who indulges his every whim
Then overdoses on ******* or ******
Or one too many bullets to the head..."

in my sweaty palm, melting
is medical-pink candy coating.
the pieces click, clack, roll around,
and the generic sugar tastes sweeter
than ever, sweet like a fever, sweet
like smiles under the concrete bridge.

tastes like sweet'n'low piled high in one-
dollar coffee drained in two seconds,
like buttercream frosting smeared
across your arm. tastes of the indoors,
of doors shut, of stale snicker-doodles.
it is sugar that tastes like promises gone far.

when i swallow (that is three, four, twenty more)
i can taste it in the pit of my stomach:
sweet, sweet candy coating masking
the poison, the anodyne, the analgesic—
candy coating to cover all the little scars.

It’s there—
in our goodbye
in that last glance back
across the heat reflecting
from the roof
Your car between us
The door is open
and your wounded soul

He’s dead at 21— I know
you loved him

I overdose this moment
Paralyzed
our eyes—

go on forever

all the days just fade into one another
i do nothing, i see nothing, i am nothing
even medication and self harm cannot bring me out of this darkness
i binge and purge the demons out of me

i take all the pills at once to drown out my own self hate
i take them all to accompany the numbness in my heart
i slip down further and further
the darkness gets darker and darker

i drink away the voices in my mind
i drink until they go from sharp and bitter
to warm and soft
i drink the pain away

i cry until my heart caves in
i cry because there’s no other way
i can suffer like i should
i cry until my eyes dry out

i take the pills
i drink everything away
i cry all night
until i find the courage to end my own life.

He told me that
Ivy bags never feel as good as shooting up,
Watching the needle slide into his arm.
Watching his liquid life drip from a
Plastic bag
Into the tube.

The first time he overdosed his friends were so scared
They left him to the dogs.
On the side of the road,
In a fit of rambling and cold sweat.
The sweat, everywhere
The cold was deeper in his bones.

The second time he was at his Mothers house.
She wanted so badly to see the little
Boy she once
Held to her breast.
But looked down on his shaking  
Ashamed to not recognize the body at her feet.

By the third time
He had no one left.
They classified him as a lonely addict,
Addicted to several deadly drugs.

At some point he realized he wasn't going to have
The wake up moment.
He was never going to bounce back from this
Swallowing sleep
Consuming his life one second at a time.
Ticking away he is lost to the sound of the clock
He says the rhythm puts him to sleep

He told me ivy bags never felt as good as shooting up
But sometimes the clock in the hospital would break
And he could pretend
He didn't ever feel the time.