the night i
first
found out he
might
be sick it rained.
i ate manhattan's favorite
rice-a-roni
and tried so
hard
to feel something
to be fair i was very
upset
but i didn't feel it.
all i got was a
headache from
forced
tears and a
sleepless
night.

three months earlier
near the time of my
birthday
i was having a terrible day
per usual,
when i received a birthday card
in the mail.
it was from my sister and on the
bottom of the card it said
from:
then their names followed
but in the biggest
font, right underneath the rest of their names
was his,
'Elijah,'
written by his own hand.
I
smiled
at the thought of him
smiling
while writing that.

Try my best to please all,
Burn outs make me a fool.
No appreciation just greed,
Only call when you need.

Sunset trips,
Half moon blips.
Fairweather friends,
Your family extends.

Open one more beer,
Sunday blues kick into gear.
Delay the onset of Monday,
This will all be over one day.

Good hate to all men,
Learnt nothing about Zen.
Scribble your thoughts down in haste,
Try and let nothing go to waste.

I miss the times when you were here telling me to have no fear, to hold my head up high and strong, add happy notes to my sad song.
I miss the way you looked at me as if I were too blind to see the path I was on might hurt and scathe
But all goes well if you just have faith.

I miss the sound of your voice through bitter times , a saving noise that told me what was right and wrong but rang in my ears for far too long.

A caring person that helped and hurt me so much..
You'd guide and mislead me through the day. You left me lonely when I'd rather you stay..

Over things like that you had no control. A rock set in motion will continue to roll..

Then one day you never returned. My tears were so hot they burned.
Aware now about what I lack, crying and mourning won't bring you back

For me to let out what I need to say, I can't do much more than pray
I no longer want to feel weak, my hearts been quite strong. I'm still adding a happy chorus to a sad, sad song.

You had no choice
But to leave me
You walked away
And gone was the day.

They say you're in a better place
But I'm not so sure
Gone far too soon
I'm left like a ruin.

Thou shall be missed
Never forgotten
Alive not dead
In my heart, body and head.

Those who sleep with angels
Could never reach the depth of you,
'cause when you've got nothing to care about,
You've got no one to talk to

Those who stand alone straight
Can't never stand behind
'cause the shadows would spread over
Blinding the stars above that shine

the days and minutes
are poured out
precious little ones
they need so much

you think you will
collapse
your energy all spent
your mornings fade to night
and start again

the time goes swiftly by
those precious minutes
growing
into years

circling round and round and round


the time...it is a treasure
each memory enshrined
most days
there are no thank yous
for you-mom

the endless love poured out
the bank where it's all stored
you'll find it's  in your heart

it's not contained

for it flows on
and on  and on
and on and on and on

it never ends...

cj 2016

Happy Mother's Day, sweetie...you are a wonderful loving mother.<3

I've read a couple books
been a few places
I even dreamt a little too
But I can never wake up
Like I used too.

We tend to forget exactly where it was we came from.

Those people that died, those people that cried, they were real.

Move on, make more memories until you become one yourself, but never, ever, forget where you came from.