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Gray Dawson Nov 2019
I sit upon a pedestal
My obsession with attention is rooted deep
So deep, that it doesn't appear to you

My pedestal draped in black cloth
Never stands out
You only notice it when you are too far in

My narcissism lines my insides
And so does my habit of manipulation
It runs it’s mouth 70% of the time

And I wish it didn’t
It’s hurting my look
Of being “too kind for my own good”

I’m deceptive, like I said
It’s in my nature
So don’t be surprised if you get your heart broken
PS Nov 2019
I am tired of the fake smiles, the unreal laughs that followed the hoaxers.

Even the fictional chuckles,
That joined the audience after every heckle.

What can I do to not think about it?
When all I do is day dream about our hits.

Be it the home run you made,
Or my favourite CD collections we played.

Be it your heated hands on my body,
Or my ***** eyes that also held you under my moans' custody.

How could I move on when this was all in my head?
When I had forgotten the learnings of how to move ahead.

No one was there to collect my tears on their shoulder,
But everyone to call me a hypocrite and act as a beholder.

Wish they knew how much I needed advice,
Otherwise, I would probably fly towards paradise.

I wish I could treat my heart the same way I treated others',
Applying therapy of famous psychologists merged.

Fight anxiety, fight depression,
How could I when it became my only obsession?

~AllTheLovePS
Something I had written years ago.
Max Neumann Nov 2019
dear idol i
want to be like you

dear idol i
want to be you

scratched your name into my arm
your face is my tattoo
your tattoo is my face

been listening a decade
to your lyrics i'm all

'bout it
wit it

re-in up
bossed up
fetish for dough

baby i be yours
take me as a gift

my game tizzop
Today is a good day.
Carlo C Gomez Nov 2019
Serafina was a skydiver
And she was always falling.

Jimmy was her instructor
And the next in line.

"The thrill of love," she said,
"Is about how high you can climb."

If the moment's spent
She parachutes out.

A risk,
No doubt.

But on she plays,
Crossing her fingers

This idée fixe
Never comes crashing back to earth.
Inspired by the Interpol song title, "Stella Was a Diver and She Was Always Down."
The poets are all just lost finding words.
And when they corner something’s essence,
A glimmer of truth or a scratch at the profound,
Does not all but a measly tuft of hair escape their page?
Justice Nov 2019
Some days I just lye awake
I don’t know why or how nothing I can ever take to get rid of this feeling
There’s nothing I do I’m trapped in my own mind in own time I just rewind reflect I need to be checked my mental status is on a new apparatus
That is just how it is and it will be forever me but I can’t explain that I’m in love with the feeling that I will never get better no matter the weather out side it’s always cloudy in my brain I feel like I’m in sane and I love it I cry I’m depressed re obsessed with the way my mind thinks that it’s ok to be this way but this is how I see the day on the daily and lately I thought I was mapping it out turns out i was farther from the truth then I have ever been and this I’ve already seen. Been there done that I’m done with this crap i wish it was over but I can’t end the pain that keeps me alive because if I’m not in it I don’t know, who am I

You ever look up and feel the sky
Try to think can’t find a single reason why,
Are you dead and or alive
Like what’s inside
All that hard ****, ******* know we tried but never had the best of times
Always looked for the light though we felt it die each try  
It’s written down now get in the ground
This is the sound of repression now
Sound cloud rapper with depression how stereotypical, slip knot music video while I slit my wrists how sick is this
How twisted do I need to get
Enough to feed the fit
Get me too get treated
I can’t help it I got a disease
****** up mentally
Forget my recipe

This is the way it was  not how it has to be how could we passively self destruct our own lives and not know it **** few more and would’ve blown it when I’m angry I just throw it, it’s just how I go through it, just how I knew it , blows up in my face every time shows up in every rhyme don’t know why just so angry it pains me I’m flaming at the the top prepaired  for that massive drop,  beat hit needle on the record. Calm and wreck less like twin injections this complextion got your head re derectin in every wich way checkin
For my flexin, hit the motor plex an decide to keep right, right where I want you i own you I pown  you
I guess you got to wake up to invent you’re own destiny
Formulate a plan become lyrical Peter Pan  
Got you lookin like a meter man
Now I know your not man made  
Put down this charade Or you’re gonna need clinic aid
Written spitten pain


Guess I’m just a rap guy
Guess I’m just a sad guy
Guess I’m just a mad guy
Guess I’m not a good guy
Guess I’ll say good bye
Give me advice
...I’m lying here wanting to die again...
...I don’t even care that I’ll die alone...
Don’t take me to heaven
...nor to hell.
Blot out my existence! (xXPLEASE GODXx)
Past, present, and future
...with me you clearly made a mistake
of which I could break the silence.
...
SCREAM your flaw out to the masses.
6(an un6eliever with a weapon)6
END MY MISERY AND THEY’LL NEVER KNOW
it’ll be our secret vow
///!!!/// :(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:( ///!!!///
R   x
——  
I’m lying here wanting to get high:) again
...do my usual late night routine...
Chop the PiLLs/Chop the pOwDeR
Smoke break/Smoke break/Smoke break
snort away the self loathing (check)
*** I’M SUCH A WRECK :( ;) :(
smoke away the recurring memories
XOXO Vanessa/Nadia/Teigen/Anna
Gosh **** I feel good :):)
**** I feel ******* great:):):):):)<3<3<3
When I’m this high I can feel your breath (ooooohhhhhhh)
I can interlace my fingers with yours (awwwwwww!)
But I still can’t feel love (srsly?)
So it’s not enough (glutinous pig)
I’m still treading on infinite horizons
It’s all just too **** blue!
Theme-song/Hymn/Life-story
My favourite/My curse
theroxyblues

...I’m lying here picturing you again...
You look like a cowgirl(8)
You’re emo(9), punk(9), and goth(9)
Addict(10$$$JACKPOT$$$10)(my seventh heaven!)
A princess <3
...A sloth (Zzz)
I love (XO) my bed
You love (XO) yours
We never had the chance (******* **** me)
Suicidal ideation
Release the excess pressure.
But now I laugh instead of feeling
And cry when they all smile.
Dante Leto Nov 2019
My footsteps this day make no sound
As I walk these halls unhallowed.
Like a shade passing through corporeal bounds,
Hollow, holding happiness shallow.
Day after day I'm fading away
As my masquerade is breaking.
Frustration and fury, foreboding, that for me
Forever humanity's faking.

I stand amongst the normal and living
Their faces so hopeless, so broken.
Some may be friends, others have enemies
But for me no single one has spoken.
This place has turned strange, it's greying,
Decaying, my bane begets this Perdition.
The stench of a tomb from the rot that consumes
The doomed place ****** to a fission.

It has been my misfortune in which I delight
I'm accursed to blacken the sun,
To bring the ruin of all by devouring the light.
Now again has this cycle begun;
Darkness, disaster to dastardly droves
Debauched by a daemoniac foe
Who dissembles man to hide diabolic designs,
For what man dares brave the unknown?

I walk into the abyssal gloom
Of foetid and harrowing decadence.
The webwork of veins that trace every room
Betray the presence of an Asmodeus essence.
Is it me? Could it be that I've become so vile
That merely my presence defiles?
The pariah, it seems, is all I can be
In so sweetly tormentous a style.

It happens that here in my darkest hour
When I feel the facade is fractured
I see the bright purest light that breaks through the dour
Dark leading me to my attractor.
An angel I wonder, or maybe someone sent for
Me to cause me to blunder?
Perhaps today her angelic array
Was displayed for her spell I'd go under.

My hunger subsides in those crystalline eyes,
In their glow my bloodlust turns calm.
A warmth I feel, emotions belike,
Yes, foreign to me, I have qualm.
She is purity, surely there's a pulling toward me
Enduring my stubborn eschewal.
No tragedy to speak of, her majesty must be of
A flawless aethereal jewel.

How did I come into this sudden infatuation?
Enticed by the taunt of her lure,
Her perfection, it stalls me, indescribable exaltation,
Yet somehow this morbid mind's torn.
It's confounding, she's sounding profoundly arousing
And drowning my sense in her charm.
I love it, I hate it, that this consecrated
Divinity isn't met without harm.

How damnably refreshing my ambrosial dream
Whose glow can subvert the most heinous!
Her light can reveal worlds beyond what is seen
And the shadow I cast will sustain us.
A Devil, an Angel, together disdainful
In the eyes of the fools that surround me.
But I glimpse in that shadow a horror I now know
To mean that my Angel has bound me.

The light that shines forth casts a most vivid shade
Of this man-shaped form that I am.
But to my limbs were attached something of linear shape,
Like strings on a marionette.
What could this mean? Could it possibly be
Something I've been too smitten to see?
I've been such a fool to be blind to the truth:
My Angel is a Demon like me!

At this revelation I turn to the shrewd Enchantress
Who has been manipulating me from the start.
No shame, no fear, only with the most chilling deftness
Does she command the strings of this heart.
Of all the rotted, defiled, insidious, hideous
Things that dwell in my darkness,
Nothing more evil than this tentacled being
Can be conceived of in the depths of Tartarus!

Sensual, seductive, psuedo-seraphic shrew!
I'm enslaved by the lust she engenders.
Repeatedly beguiled by the lies that she used,
Still to those eyes I surrender.
The sinister spirit that taints all that's near it
Is an evil the both of us share.
She chose a prey who cannot be slain.
The challenge is an alluring snare.

As my Angel now dawns a horrific appearance
My obsession burns ever indomitably.
Apocalyptic, unquenchable, bloodbathed coherence,
Nefarious and haunting so ominously.
Darkness is ours! Eldritch bloodthirsty fiends:
Angel of Death and Devil.

The masks are peeled away, we're free
To cleave and bleed the world and revel!
Dante Leto Nov 2019
Ash
Through the glass those autumn nights
The starlight glistens in your eyes.
I see it:
You push your hair behind your ear
While fighting back a lonely tear.
You're forced to face a world of fear
A smile cannot hide.
Between the arms of someone lies
The comfort you so seek to find,
Believe it.
The bleeding heart that you hold near
Grows calloused more each passing year.
With glass half-full you offer cheers
To sorrows you imbibe.
How I long to hold you tight,
To fix the wrong and set things right.
You need this,
One to cherish you so dear,
To make your anguish disappear.
In front of you I'm always here,
So close but out of sight.
You pine for him, your treasured knight.
You gaze with unfulfilled delight.
Between us
One who bred the atmosphere
Of persecution so severe,
And one for whom your heart does sear
But never will requite.
I long have held my head up high
And forced myself my tongue to bite.
I bleed this
Sentiment, my soul sincere,
Though you don't see me shed these tears.
You dream of someone else. It's clear
You never will be mine.
I drink to numb my ailing mind.
I cut away the scars and hide
Beneath them.
Paint my walls a color sheer,
Wishing you would only hear
The clamour of my soul when we're
Standing eye to eye.
The truth is I am not alright.
The smile that I wear, a lie.
I drink this
Bottle full of Everclear
And put the barrel to my ear.
I hope you finally find love here
In this note I write.
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