Walking into work
Water drips from melted snow
I wish I stayed home

left on an island out at sea, all my fears and worries surrounding me. i'm stranded, left only with the Voice inside my head; one thing that wants me dead. how do i escape? how do i become free? free the unrest residing in me. i cant swim. i'm not strong enough. the hate will only drag me down. please help me,

i'm drowning.

drowning in self hatred that i can't seem to overcome. the waves pull me further in, the glimpse of light dimming. i can't hold my breath much longer, sweet release finally seeping in. this is it, the end. my soul rests in the depths of the ocean, floating with misery.

Why would I eat if the lies inside me fill me up? 'Til there's nothing but half-truths trapped inside. I plead, scream, beg for someone to hear my cry but it's locked deep within me.
The pain I feel when I look in the mirror; why? Why do I hate myself?
Hate my hair,
my hips,
my thighs,
my stomach,
my smile.
I won't look anymore.
I can't bear to see who's staring back.
Shatter the mirror!
Distort the already broken image.
How much more damage could I do to myself before I'm through?
The scale wails when I approach; the fourth time in a day. When the numbers fall, I let out a sigh of relief, but when they rise…
What can I do?
What would you do if you couldn't be you?
Everyone's words are pointless. If its not the voice inside my head it doesn't matter. Nothing can satisfy my need to feel empty—to feel proud of the monster I’d become.

Nothing cannot exist
When there is a lump of nothing, a void of nothing, something always comes to fill it
Nothing  cannot remain, nothing cannot thrive, nothing is not forever
Perhaps nothing can exist, but only for a short time


I feel empty, numb, void of emotion, but nothing cannot exist
Nothing greets existence
The void welcomes anything and everything to fill it
So what fills it?


I feel nothing, I dont care, but suddenly, the world comes crashing in
I am sobbing and the world is crumbling
Everything is so meaningful and impactful, but all in the wrong ways, and I will never recover


Then I am angry, more livid than anyone ever has been
Why me? Who would do this? I dont deserve to feel this way.
I want to set the world ablaze, me along with it

Then nothing,
Everything is fine, I shouldn't care and I dont
Everything is fine, I am void of care or emotion, the world is what it is

I am hollow, and although nothing cannot exist, hollow follows me
The floating, empty, hollow of my stomach, stays
Even when im sobbing
Even when im angry
and especially when “i dont care”

Being numb is “easy”
It protects me from the world and myself
But is it really?
Because nothing, cannot exist

When I feel, it is with unknown strength and uncontrollable power
Overwhelming
insatiable


People say that numbness is empty, aimless, void
They feel nothing and nothing hurts
But I've never understood that

My numbness comes in crashing waves
And it never lasts long
It invites pandemonium and nurtures chaos

But can I stop it?  No
Can I personally invite emotion back? No
Can I convince numbness to leave? Never

I am at the mercy of numbness
As much as I wish I could feel true nothing
Nothing cannot exist