Still it hurts ..
When it gets cold and I'm crawling
On the bed all alone .

Still it hurts ..
When I go through your pictures cherishing
Your laughter and your madness .

Still it hurts ..
When I know the reality , yet I don't stop
My daydreaming of being with you
F-O-R-E-V-E-R .

Still it hurts ..
When I don't know why I can't move on
From your child-like grin !

Still it hurts ..
Because I know nobody can't replace you
And I will love you F-O-R-E-V-E-R !

every day i go into my mirror, **** in my stomach and pretend i'm a professional dancer, then i realize i'm too overweight.

i care too much about everything

i wish i could commit suicide, then i get sad when i find something to live for

there's something deep behind everything i say

i can't stand complements

i don't ever say i have bulimia, because it sounds like a disease, i am bulimic i didn't catch bulimia

the reason i don't like compliments is because i don't think i deserve them

another thing is i don't see the point in praising a being on not being human (long story)

i don't trust people just because they're human
most people think there is a deep reason
i just don't

i don't like when people think there is something deep to something that is just simple

i hate when everybody believes a lie i told and thinks too much of the truth (they don't even know the lie was a lie, they just do it)

i might be the only person in the world who never has deep moments while it rains

i choreograph better than i dance

everybody loves my singing voice yet i hate it

i wish nobody existed but animals so they could live in peace

i wish i lived in an abusive home so i could stop being in between.

your half lilted smile
tilts my life
into swirling movements
of happiness and peace

there is a depression
deep inside my soul
im so glad
youre not too terrified
to shine your light there

(s.q)

Do I dare?

Do I dare shatter how you portray me?
Crack the mirror
Breaking how you know me to pieces,
Breaking how you think you know me to pieces.

Do I dare drown you in my pain?
The pain of past losses
The pain of past friends
Successfully attempting their suicidal deaths

Do I dare tell you the truth?
The truth about who I am
The fact that I pretend
Put on a counterfeit smile and pretend everything’s okay.

Do I dare say who I truly am?
That I’m asexual
With continuous social anxiety
Never really sure what to do around people.

Do I dare show my social anxiety?
Pretend everything’s okay when I’m scared inside
Show you how fragile I am
Show you how shattered I already am.

Do I dare break this facadé I created?
Fracturing everything I’ve worked so hard to create
Just to show my true emotions, how I really feel
And to be laughed at by my peers

Do I dare take a chance?
To put myself out there
To care about someone
Just to have them push me aside into my growing darkness

Do I dare care for anyone?
Because the last time this happened I couldn’t save them
They died on my watch
And I had to stand by, left here with the aftermath wondering what I could’ve done

Do I dare share my feelings, emotions?
Attach myself to another
When I feel that everyone I care about
Just leaves me in the end, one way or another

Do I dare care about life anymore?
It’s already wasted on me, a corpse of a being
Already half eaten, wasting away
To the point where I feel that keeping it short is best

Do I dare tell my friends?
How I truly feel
How I hate myself for my past
Not being able to help anyone

Do I dare be happy?
“Frolick in the flowers” is what they’ve told me
“Just release your sadness”
Yet you don’t know me nor have you ever spoken to me before now

Do I dare yell back at you?
Tell you how you’re wrong
How I’ll never change
How I am who I am.

Do I dare love who I am?
Yes.
With all my insecurities and faults
I will always make mistakes
But it’s how I overcome them.

Do I dare stand up for myself? For others?
I will always try my best
Even though some people need space or push me down
I feel that I need to find courage in my broken, bandaged heart

Do I dare speak my mind? Show my true colors?
I’m not sure, nor will I ever be sure
Yet I know that my true friends,
The ones that helped bandage my heart
The ones that helped repair my shattered self
Will always let me be who I am

Thanks to all who have let me be me
But the question still stands
Do I Dare?

Where is my mind?
It's out  in the sea.
Between
Break up
Old love's
And my first Real uncle heading downstream.
My mind is one of a gemini.
It's hard not to loss my mind
Always torn in two.

The coral Is dieing.
Just like the love inside of me.
He took care of me.
And I cant ever pay him back u see.
Because what he gave me was a family.
We agreed to be friends.
And I hope that will never end.
He is part of my trinity.
He truly was
And always will be
My knight and shining armor
Because he rescued me
I wIll love him forever
That'll never be lost out in sea
But my coral is dieing.
But he will be my forever and always.

I'm stuck in the deep
I don't know what to say
about this old flame.
It's been 10 years
And he act like nothing has changed.
Yes he makes me feel ablazzed.
But I have came along way.
I want it to be.
But first I have to see.
What my life is going to be.
So for now
I'll wait and see.
If he can catch me
Out in the sea.

The current has came.
He is on his way to a better place.
Where he will say hey.
To the ones who lost there lives
Before his time.
he is my grandpa's brother.
But never met him or my uncles.
After my mom's death we all left.
Came down to Florida.
Where we stayed with this man.
Who I called uncle soon after.
So I raise a beer.
In cheer.
For my first real uncle.
Who was there.
We all love you.
And will be here to hold your hand.
When you go.
Please say hello
To my mother
Hope the current takes you to a better place.
So you can let go.
Of all you pat pain.

This is the stuff on my gemini mind.
Breakups are hard.
Old love's are too.
And death thrown in to the mix.
Hope I find a way out before
It's to late.
I'm just a little scared.
Don't want to loss a friend.
Or a family member.
One has to go I know.
But it's hard to let go.
And to that old fling.
Don't leave me on the swing.
If it's not meant to be.
I still want u to be.
A friend who I can.
Run to.

Kindergarden-
I shared my crayons with the girl next to me
She broke it and didn’t say sorry
Mommy says she didn’t know better
Why is she mean to me?
First Grade-
I made a new friend today and mom was proud of me
But then she went to play with someone else
She didn’t talk to me me for 10 minutes
Why is she mean to me?
Second Grade-
Third Grade-
We are learning script and I put the letter “Q” on the board
I messed it up a little
Someone laughed at me and then the whole class did
Why are they mean to me?
Fourth Grade-
Fifth Grade-
Sixth Grade-
I just started a new school
I have no friends
Everyone keeps staring at me and whispering
Why are they mean to me?
Seventh Grade-
I met this boy I think I like him
My friends say he likes me
But he wont talk to me at all he doesn’t even see me
Why is he mean to me?
Eighth Grade-
Ninth Grade-
Another new school more new people
I feel so small
The seniors push me around
Why are they mean to me?
Tenth Grade-
I do all my work
I just want to get a good grade
But people tease me about it
Why are they mean to me?
Eleventh Grade-
I gave up on my work
I shut every one out
I am outcasted by the majority
Why are they mean to me?
Twelfth Grade-
Look at the underclassmen I push them around
Look at the classmates that use to laugh at me
I’m laughing at them now
Why am I mean to them?

Im a young adult
Im telling you its not my fualt
The system has come to a hualt
The key to the vualt is locked away
It is locked in my heart
I hope someone could find it
I hope its you
You ..

Paxil to make you happy
**** to make you high
Nyquil to make you sleep
Energy shots to make you active

I’m told to feel a certain way
Suddenly heartbreak doesn’t feel sad
And tears don’t feel salty anymore
Love doesn’t feel good at all
And pain is something I can’t feel
A drug filled world is where I live.

Prozac to make you glad
Mary Jane to make you rad
Atarax to make you tired
Dayquil to make you work

I’m fumbling in ecstasy
Living life sounds make believe
My reflection looks old and weary
An old soul has more zing than me
I can’t get pleasure even from me
A drug filled world I where I live

Zoloft to make you smile
Mushrooms to make you fly
Tylenol to make you weak
Aleve to make you strong

I’m losing my mind
There is no strength even in my finger tips
My legs search for a firm grip
My heart seems to have stopped
And my mind can’t control me anymore
A drug filled world is where I live

And I go to sleep
With you in my heart
And in my soul
In my skin
And in my breath
My present
My future
My dreams
Sweet they are
Goodnight