Do you know what I want
more than anything?

I want to understand why it takes
so much pain to be able to
describe in detail
how the sky bends.

I want to understand why you caused me to see your eyes as pale instead of piercing.

I want to understand why a pretty face and slim waist is valued over a higher understanding and a way with words.

I want to understand why something is considered beautifully written, just because it hurts to write.

I want to understand the world, but that's asking a bit much, so I'll settle for this:

I want to understand you.

Would you come to my funeral?
Would you be dressed in all black crying over me?
Would you have any regrets?
Would you wish youd done something sooner?
Would you mourn over me?
Would you even notice I was gone?
Would you even care?
Should I even ask?
do I dare?
If I were to die tomorrow
Would you even care?

i don’t ask much,
except, just to know that you made it home safe.
i may not always act like it but,
i do care.
maybe, if i’m honest, not all the time.
every now and then,
especially when you’re in front of me but,
i do care.
i can’t believe that it’s been a few years,
since i’ve felt the inside of your palm.

I don't know what I'm feeling
I don't know why I'm crying
Just laying down all day
Wondering if this is pain

Always wanting to sleep
Then wanting not to wake up
Because of everything happening
That makes me feel like I'm nothing

So can someone give an answer and help me
Help me figure out what's in my mind
Because I don't know how long I can stand this
I feel like I'm leaving everything behind

I don't know what's inside my head
That makes me cry and makes me start to lose my breath
The cycle doesn't stop repeating
It's so hard I wish my heart would stop beating

If I allowed my hand to get acquainted with a calm blade
and allow them to work together to have my grave made.

It would be so much easier

If I gathered all my possessions and left the challenges and callings
and ran away from all my troubles and problems that won't stop falling

It would be so much easier

If I took a bullet to these warm feather breezed feelings that stir up the winds
and forced unwanted emotions to take command, and avoid the punishment of being mentally skinned

It would be so much easier

If I gave up my fight... and simply lose the battle of my individuality
And accept their Labels of Lies and give them the right to make me wear a mask that is beautiful but beastly.

It would be so much easier

If I accepted my fate in depression and abuse and allow it infest inside of me
and be as dark and gruesome as I've always been tempted to be

It would be so much easier

If I chose to ****** all the things I've worked hard for
By throwing them over the wall of rejection... and watch it shatter onto the deep floor

It would be so much easier

If I ignored all the beloved people who surround me and would do anything
And focused devouring myself back into the past until I'm nothing more then bone and ****** strings

It would be so much easier

But Just Because It's Easier...
It Doesn't Mean It's Right...

that letter
she never wrote me
is
still
burning

in her

just
let
me
read
that letter
?






...
..
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