The absence of you seems stiff and crinkled,
Like a crumpled piece of paper.

Ink blots and words crossed,
Just discarded verses and rhythms sprawled endlessly.

Incomplete maybe in a way,
Because I no longer keep your name on my lips.
Only hidden in sheets of paper.

Can you feel the silence?
Like a discarded notebook.
To full to continue,
Lines fill the margin so it's set aside.

Even words escape me now in this,
Paused in my last verse...

You were there for me through my worst moments you hugged me when I needed it most you let me cry and sleep on your shoulder and you wouldn't let me sleep feeling alone and sad til you made sure I was okay again you wouldn't sleep yourself til you had made sure I was home safe you were protective of other people hurting me and said you'd never let them get to me as long as you were there you said you'd always have my back and to tell you if anything ever happened and you'd be there we used to tell each other everything now it's nothing now it's just small talk no more DMC'S no more deep late night conspiracy theory talks about aliens and the world I miss that a lot

You're 1473 miles away
It kinda hurts
You're over there and im over here
I'm missing you and
I probably haven't even crossed your mind once
I'm sitting writing listening to twenty one pilots
And you're there listening to rap and thinking about dance
I want to talk to you but you don't seem to want to as well
I'm here I'm not great but you have no idea cause it's the one thing I can't seem to tell you
Please don't fall in love with someone new
Please don't meet some hot new girl over there
It'll hurt so badly
I'm afraid of losing you
I told you I missed you and the boys
And all you could say was "Lolz"
What does that even mean
Then you say you "gotta bounce"
But your online for another two hours
You don't care
I was fooled that you actually did
But now you've just been treating me like one of your boys
I'm confused
Are you actually worth it anymore
I'm starting to wonder

I miss him so much it echo's through me,
vibrations taking over because,
Some days I'm blinded with longing.

The tingling in my fingertips,
just a reminder that his hands,
are missing from mine.

He had this way of making me laugh,
that shook me,
filling me with bursts of goodness.

Eyes so knowing,
they saw right through me,
leaving me bare and comfortable.

I look at the aftermath,
it could have been love,
because this ache is so real it stuns me.

He mentioned my favorite book in bed,
reading my thoughts aloud,
and stripping me further.
How easily I fell for him.

Misplaced is this part of me,
I can no longer find.
Tossed bedside earrings that fell carelessly,
becoming abandoned in bedsheets.

I dream of him less now,
fading knowledge that his body,
once fit so perfectly with mine.
His eyes carry so much depth,
that I couldn't discover reason.

Distance fills this gap,
so I tuck it away into corners.
Swept emotions into the closet,
pushed away with missing him.

I must love the wrong way,
always knowing,
he wouldn't stay.
taking the most intimate part of me offered,
I stand here,
between space and silence.

He showed up with flowers I didn't deserve.
My hair uncontrollable and my dress to short.
He said my name but it held no meaning in his mouth,
spit out without savouring.
I didn't know what to say when he expressed my beauty.

To much wine can make me bold.
Mouth has no filter,
cheeks flushed pink and my smile to free.
My laughter bursting brightly.
I began to notice his smile,
the silkiness of his voice.

He took my hand in his and there was no spark,
no strangled butterflies.
I fumbled awkwardly and he stared to hard.
Eyes unreadable and yet I already knew.

He asked to come in and it hit me,
that I was tired of dreaming of you at my window,
I'm always sitting on the edge of sorrow.

He kissed me so deeply that it's amazing he didn't steal my breath.

******* me with eager hands,
his lips lost on skin.
Eyes closed tightly,
I embrace the moment of letting someone in.
To rough and undeserving,
no emotion,
just need.

I miss him.
I miss his laugh,
I miss his smile,
I miss the way he made me laugh.
I can't stop thinking about him,
He's always on my mind.
Before I go to sleep,
He's the last thing I think about,
And when i wake up,
He's the first thing I think about.
When I'm watching tv or hanging with friends and family,
His name just whispers in my head,
Reminding me of all the times we were alone together,
The late night talks,
The sitting together and just talking about anything,
Him getting me to do something,
And me getting him to do a lot of things,
Both of us being mean to each other,
I don't know about him, but I think,
With every conversation we've had,
And Every thing we've shared,
I'm falling deeper into an invisible hole that I don't think I can climb out of.
I think I'm falling for him,
And it scares me.
I miss him.

Next to my alarm clock, on my bedside table, I keep a note
It simply says:
"It was a dream. He's still gone."
And every morning when I wake up with a smile
And roll over to trace your lips good morning,
I see the note
I don't have to read it anymore
I know what it says
I memorized it like I memorized you
{bcg}