I sang my anguish to the winds
And followed the ravens to the woods
The trees, the wildflowers
froze in silence
But the leaves began to dance
like witches casting spells
I howled and shouted my despair
The rivers seemed to wail with me
The way was dim, the path was dark
I took the trail and endured the pain
I felt the darkness and heard the silence
My heart was torn and lost
but it was enlivened
by the nature’s glorious tapestry
The little sunshine hues
that seep between the branches of the trees
The joy of streams, the thousand greens
The nature’s been my muse
It wakens my spirit and fuels my energy
Wearing its color spirits
I have now reclaimed my wild and magic

Her heart sang a different song
A melody of her untold story
that only you can hear
Its rhythm reaches out for love
as she softly hummed her lullaby
The saddest prayer of love
you have ignored
The chords of pain
you’ve thought as noise
Her silent cry
A note unheard
The lulls between the sobs
The loudest shadow of memory
beats deep within your heart

I feel myself falling down the familiar steps of despair
Each step my breath is taken from me
Each step my strength weakens beneath me
I can hardly hold up my frame as I walk
I feel my legs shake with each step

“Just one step more”
I hear them saying
But I can hardly take a step at all
For I shall step into misery and despair

I feel myself failing
Falling…
Down that familiar spiral that I wished to avoid
An endless well of pain and suffering

I will not take the leap
Rather I shall be shoved in
By words voiced as encouragement
Yet all I can feel is the venom behind them

They say they wish to help me
So why do their words cause me such pain?
Is this love?
Is love just misery?
Is love just pain?

I used to be so happy
I thought I had finally escaped
The bottomless well of pain and suffering
Instead, I have slipped on the last step

I find myself falling once more
I tell myself to hold on
I tell myself to get better
I tell myself I need to do better

My hands slip when I reach out
A hand comes my way to help
I grab on for dear life
Only to find they have dropped me down
The bottomless well of pain and suffering

I know I am loved
I know I am cared for
So why does their affection cause me such pain?

I weep before them
Willing to shed my pride and armor
I am told my tears are ugly
My frustration is hideous
My anger, useless

I do not wish for these feelings
I do not wish to feel at all
I do not wish for anyone to see
Because all they see is the hideous thing I am

A poor pitiful creature
Slowly falling down
The bottomless well of pain and suffering.

I'm out of place,
Searching for a home.
Wanting a lover,
But remaining alone.

Where to turn,
Where to go.
Difficult questions,
Answers I don't know.

I am like a mess,
No one wants to clean.
A waste of space,
No value to glean.

Not worth love.
Not worth tears.
Not worth your anger,
Not worth your fears.

I'm not alive,
Nor am I dead.
Frozen in place,
Stuck in my head.

I mistreat my soul by punishing myself for the sins you commit, allowing you to shame me while showering in misery.

The power in me which you have replaced with fear of losing you when in the first place you are not even mine.

You blinded this cruelty with the smell of roses, with the warm lies and with your deceiving eyes.

I name this love but it feels like the end of my very soul.