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amelie Nov 30
it's coming back
i don't even try to hide it
my energy is at lack
i don't even try to fight it

it's the same old same old
yet I never expect it
"you seem fine" i'm always told
my brain is so hectic

back to my old way
a few burns here
I miss my good days
a couple cuts there

counting the pills
until i fall asleep
calculate what'll take the ****
32? i'm in too deep

will this time be the end?
i honestly hope so
can't survive this again
i can barely say no
amelie Nov 30
it's been great for so long
nothing could ever be bad
i always sing this song
nothing could ever make me sad

the hurt is so far away
almost like it was never here
"i'm on top of the world" i say
i'll never shed another tear

i go to sleep all happy
without a worry
i wake up all sappy
of course it's in a hurry

how long will this time last?
it's all black and gray
i thought it was in the past
it's a never-ending pay

turns out it was always there
distractions just pushed it aside
don't know how much longer i can bear
i just want this monster to die
Kai Mar 2023
I pace around, adoring each flower.
I’m not nervous. I just have bipolar.
I’m tapping my fingers for ten hours.  
I’m not restless. I just have bipolar.

I wake up four times during the nighttime.
My heartbeat flies out of my very chest.
Awake. It’s been hours since watching crime!
Alive. I begin prepping for a test.

My words bounce back around the four drywalls.
Like a child, thoughts scamper through my mind.
Abruptly I laugh. Then I start to bawl.
My emotions begin to intertwine.

I make mindless plans with seven people.
I say something out of pocket to Van.
Now I try to use a tattoo needle.
****! I just tossed and broke my only fan.
Just another manic episode.
Ferrin McGinness Jun 2014
downtown is
a much newer scene than even
i thought it’d be - i was
prepared to be
a novice. i was prepared to be
out of place. and this was
nothing, i could handle these
old odd eyes, i just
wasn’t ready to feel so
dropped in.

but i’d drawn a diagram
of this situation,
a different specific

(*******.
i can’t hear myself think)

why am i surprised to feel
so dropped in
when i’ve drawn it?
drawn upon it?

why am i surprised
that a new brand new
situation feels
just the same as the new situations
of before, when i’ve
had so many
that i can picture the the sensation
of my brain?

i’ve made a series of green lines
on a yellow, lined piece
of paper.

i’ve meant to take it
to my shrink for months.
once,
i had it in my purse and
my guts, when i entered,
decided to shrink.

i said
i was fine, and the same,
and i started to drop
the pills that stole my sleep
onto the streets.

it’s helped,
and i’m surprised. and my brain
feels more awake than
any other time
in the past
three
years…
so.

to which part of town
do i go to

from here?
Pyrrha Jul 2020
Mental and emotional wounds are invisible, but a wound is still felt by those they inflict
Just like a tiny cut, you still feel the pain even if you can't see it
Just like the cancer beneath your flesh and in your brain, it still eats away at you

These are wounds that don't heal or go away if you apply pressure or put a bandaid over
There is no stitch that can put your broken heart and wounded mind back together
You walk with this pain
Feel it in every step and passing look

The goosebumps on your arms
The trembling of your hands
The darkness behind your eyes
The apathy in your voice
You can't see the wound, but sometimes you can see the symtoms

You can't feel the pain another feels
You can't see it but that doesn't mean it isn't there
You can't see a cough or a virus as it courses its way through your body
But that doesn't mean they aren't real

We carry these invisible scars with us
And they never truly go away or fade
Yash Feb 2020
One full pill.
Prescribed from,
the white hell.

Antidepressant from the back store,
elevate life to the top floor.
Forced prescription, out of stock.

Oxytocin pumped, hidden cortisol.
Might as well walk the red carpet,
in celebration of Parasite.

As the clock struck,
the midnight hour.
Take the happy little pill.

**** ****, don't swallow.
Heavy eyes, don't fall over.
Lies, deceit, promises hollow.

Been 10 years,
time to catch up.
Rewind the clock.

Like a jar of fireflies,
shut it before any escape.
Rogue eyelids,

on a mission to shut.
Weak resolve, strong dose.
Drifted to dreamland.

Summer sun in seasonal switch up.
Sun rays like holy water,
hiss like a vain vampire.

Shops in an anarchy riot,
open the door to the sockets.
Oh, blind justice lady, I am blind too.

Shuffle Shuffle, like the undead.
Dragged the dead body to downtown.
It's a miracle, failed to faint.

Crude world, crude demands.
Have some respect for the dead.
By lord´s grace, limped home safe.

Met the coated monster today again.
Struggled to even stay still.
Advised to adapt, showed nothing but apathy.

A parasitic patient, eat away.
A death drain, drip away.
A strained stranger on a stretcher, carry away.

Tiny changes in hopes of conformity.
Circular cycle starts once again.
Half a pill today.
Connor Oct 2019
I don't understand how someone so strong
Could think they are so weak
When they deal with way more bull
Than anyone should ever deal with.

I don't understand how someone that handsome
Could think they are that much of an abomination
When they have hated themselves way more
Than anyone should be hated, particularly him.

I don't understand how someone so amazing
Ended up so strong
So self-loathing
So anxious
So depressed
So misplaced
So disadvantaged.
For a person who does not deserve the things they are going through right now.
Casey Sep 2019
that's what she told me.

But without it, who I am?
I don't think I would recognize myself.
essentially another form of "get over it".
Alex Smith Apr 2019
Like an albatross
I criss then cross
Lines of red ink on me
And what's the cost?
I keep fighting,
But lost
And cut my right ear off
Like Evander Holyfield
Or Van Gogh,
An artist,
Now trust.
And me the curse
Who only gets worse
The more you get to know him.
Everything I do
Is a ******* sin.
And life is a pool
I can't jump in-
I can't swim
And then I sink
And think
Of those who can't swim too
In my ocean of negativity
And dying virtues.
These are my cues
To leave out
And choose
The ones who know what
I'm about
Before I lose
My sanity to clout
And pick a fool
Like me.
A maniac and insomniac
And freak show
To be.
roan Jan 2019
I stand in a puddle of water
Liquid pooled around my ankles
Dripping from my eyes so slow I didn’t notice them at first
But when they become apparent, foreign fingers brushed them away
And I disregard the wetness to pull back the hands

Who do these hands belong to?

The puddle becomes a pool
I stand in the shallows and wiggle my toes
My fingers have grown pruney from where my fingers dip in the water
Blisters have settled on my soles and children splash at my face
Droplets trail to my collarbone and I blink away water or tears and wonder
Ears listening to unrecognizable laughter

Whose children are these?

The water sits level at my mouth
I should feel weightless but my clothes drag me down
The pool has become a lake and I stand in it shivering
Perched on my toes there is a precarious balance for air
The tears don’t stop and the water keeps rising
My sobs echo across the surface
Murky figures wave at me from the shore and smile like they know me

Who am I?

They say a river never forgets
That it knows its way back to the ocean
But my river swirls around my head and drips out my ears
The lake forms a loch of memories that can be touched
But never held

A lake is where memories go to be forgotten

I drown in a Lethe that pours from my eyes, from my mind
And I sink to forget and be forgotten
Bit personal, won't lie

Permission to use with credit
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