sometimes i miss you
and then i can't think why
i remember the way we'd always fight
and how much i'd always cry

i remind myself of your arrogance
and how stupid i'd feel around you
i think of your stubbornness
and how it'd put me in a bad mood

your weird ******* fashion
and no common sense
it all left me
so so tense

but of course i can't bring myself to think of all the good

like how you'd smile when i'd talk
and remember all my small things
when you'd always bring me food
and hold my hand when we'd walk

i don't dare think of your sweet letters
or the loving look you reserved for me
your soft lips
or your hugs that'd immediately make me feel better

maybe i can think of some reasons to miss you
but i don't want to think about that
cause you'd say you'd always love me
but i guess that's not true

what do you see while you're building a completely new future
with no trace of me
with her?

do you see lazy college days
and dancing late at night?

do you see a new apartment
and 2 golden retrievers?

do you see proposing in a park
and crying at your wedding?

do you see buying a house
and having children?

do you see parenting
and traveling?

do you see peace
and growing old together?

do you see me
standing in the corner
watching you live the future
that you pinky promised me?

i look at you and i see nothing
i don't see the person i would've last year

i don't see the hands
that held mine to let me know you loved me even when you couldn't say it

i don't see the eyes
i once said were my favorite color

i don't see the lips
used to speak the sweetest words and light a fire in me

i don't see the arms
that once held me to keep me safe and warm

i don't see the person
that was mine

you are a stranger
and while i thought it would never happen
maybe it is for the better

they ask me what makes me think of you
and i can't really say because
rain makes me miss you
and books do too
i miss you when i'm writing
and when i'm crying
benson boone
dark blue
the shining moon
all make me think of you
reading gives me that feeling
and so does that sweater
so i guess there's no healing
guess you're stuck with me forever

i've never really felt my age
so sometimes its hard for me to act it

at 7 i felt 30
having to take care of my mom
her two other kids
her ****** apartment
her own problems
i didn't go to sleepovers or birthday parties
i didn't play with chalk or jump rope
i was scared

at 10 i felt 5
having to relearn my family
new nice house
new strict parents
new hated rules
i didn't have my mom or my siblings
i didn't have to yell or fight to be heard
i was shocked

at 13 i felt 20
having to become a teenager
fun fake friends
fun new phone
fun first heartbreak
i didn't stay at home or deny friends
i didn't focus on school or myself
i was naive

at 15 i feel 9
having to learn i know nothing
big scary job
big new state tests
big unknown car
i don't eat or sleep much
i don't waste time or effort
i am anxious

i know it will only get worse form here

maybe i'll mail the relationship back to you
because now that i'm left with the memories
i realize it's too much for me to keep

so instead of letting us collect dust
in the depths of my closet
or hidden under my bed
i'll find a box wrapped in pink gift wrap
pull us out of my heart and mind
carefully place us with tissue paper and slap on a fragile warning
i'll write your name and address on the top
in my handwriting that you memorized
and just because i'm selfish
i will douse it in my perfume and seal it with a kiss

i send with love and care
it should be there by tuesday
i hope it finds you as well as found me

best wishes, amelie

i want to say that this feeling is new
but frankly i haven't felt like yours
not in awhile
so that's not true

all the breaking up made me so numb
but this last time was different
not the same
stuck out like a sore thumb

weird to say its officially the end
but you'll never completely leave
not fully
just enough for me to mend

i tell all my friends, they're not very shocked
but i cant blame them
not new news
we were so on and off

now you're another just another blocked out person
but at night you come freely to me
not a second thought
its you i sadly see