maybe if I try to write,
I would feel sincerity again,
drowning into the pages and lines
of truths and fallacies,
maybe if I learn how to dance,
all doubts will shed along with pain,
maybe if I sing a song,
I can compose and express but not to please
maybe if I paint an artwork,
I would accept having you as my lovely subject,
in sceneries of memories, at the stroke of tender nostalgia
maybe if I interfere in the duel of both my mind and heart,
one takes over freely and I venture a new start.

but who am I to even stand armor-less,
battling against the uncertainties?

IA

My mental health is not doing okay.
I’m not doing okay.
But i pretend I’m okay.
I’ll be okay.
Probably.
Hopefully.
Maybe.
I’m fine.
It’s fine.
Everything is fine.

Pressure in my head
Pressure in my heart
All this pressure from society
Is tearing me apart.
They try to tell me what to want.
Try to tell me who to be.
Starting to feel like freedom's
Just a fallacy.
If I can't be by your side
With a thought to call my own,
Maybe it's time for me to leave.
Maybe I'm better off alone.
I thought I'd miss your kiss.
I thought I'd miss your smile.
And I won't lie,
They cross my mind
every once in a while.
But then I remember who I am.
I remember who I want to be.
and I remember how good it feels
When the pressure's off of me.

If I could look at your picture
I'd be able to tell you about your eyes
And they way I knew they lit up a room
They are those that can sing without speaking.

If I could look at your picture
You'd quickly hear about your smile
That would eat menacing clouds on a sunny day
If they failed to bring rain and thunder
So sublime with its apprehensive disassociation
And subtle with its grace

If I could look at your picture
It'd be so easy to keep looking
Until stars move across the sky
And starlight hangs upon my windows ledge
As if it were there to shepherd me to sleep completely
Slumbering along the edges of a frame

Yet I cannot look at this picture
Stuck behind a locked door without a key
Among so many unrequited metaphors
I'm standing alone in a place of indecision
And the sheer uncertainty of not knowing if I should

It's something I've come to accept
Along with so many other things in this deceptive life
Because if I'm not meant to look at your picture
I can still hear your voice
And even if it isn't mine to cherish
I could be one of the few to have claimed I might've been able to

Maybe we weren’t meant to be
And that’s totally fine
But the hole you left in my heart
Will stay intact
Until I find someone worthy
Someone who won’t hurt me
The way YOU did