People say i'm insightful.
when I hear the word and find the interrelation between it and I,
I'm placed back in a room with emotions coating
the surface of the walls.
Each corner is covered in passion.
I'm surrounded by all the things I've swallowed down,
they have returned to choke out of me.
The outside world does not know who I am, they cannot reach me.
I can barely reach myself.
No one came to save me and that drove me mad.
I lost my mind in that room.
I forgot how to breathe, I forgot what I was made of.
More unintelligible than articulate.
I lost so many pieces of my mind, I ate at the passion coated walls.
I got lost in the spirals of my own finger tips
I had sat within myself instead of the emotion sealed room.
Would you understand if I said that the parts of me that die still stay with me?
You use the word insightful.
I know myself so well that I see myself in others
and if I see repetition I fix it.
In his addiction I see connection
In her depression I see expression.
I connect with all of you because part of you was once me.
So insightful maybe.
Maybe I drove myself mad for a reason.
To lose my mind, find my soul.
Connection is a privilege, your experience is a process, to grow from it is a gift.

the sun is as hot as spaghetti
steaming with a sauce
served with a side of sizzling hot cherries.

my tie is so tight I cough in silent h's
and I'm sweating
my pores shooting out like a fountain
and my face, like an umbrella in the rain.

no time to think
no time to reason
"Ding, Ding DIING!"
I jump like I was slapped on the cheek
my beard itches, my right eye twitches
"What the F* is this?"
I write out the first words that come to me
"Ding, Ding, DIING!"
but I'm not done writing
I look at the bell,  "you f*king ****"
and I jump again, like there was a puddle before me
my head is as hot as popcorn
no, even hotter
and you can hear it pop
from the front and from the back
"Ding, Ding, DIING!"
i jump again
it's me vs. a bell.

every time i open my computer i have to force myself to not look down to that green box, letting me know if you ever found the time to message me back.

I put my web browser on full, so i don't get tempted by that box.
i go on do not disturb so i don't immediately get back to you like how you don't get back to me when you see my text.

I have to pretend that i don't care about my phone,
because every time i log in the only notification i'm greeted with is "no new notifications."

I try to ignore it like you ignore me for hours,
but I physically cant.
it lingers in my brain, minutes feel like hours knowing your just waiting, and even if i text you, you wont understand, will you? because i'm sitting here crying on my bed, wishing you would ever make the time to see me, wishing that you could just talk to me, but i can't do anything about it, because i know on your phone,

i'm silenced.

They are madly in love, but that love seems to drive them to madness.  Time has passed, each moment filled with efforts to make things work, but inevitably, they end up right back where they started, fighting. They love so deeply, opening parts of each other once kept dormant. They were probably never meant to be, deep down she feels like that are not right for each other, and sometimes he begins to think it’s true. Shes mad that he can’t just leave her alone, where is the space she has always pleaded for? He’s mad that the time away from her feels like a piece of him has been torn away, how could you love someone and still yearn for the distance? Her love burns like a fire, needing air to fuel its brightness, yet yearning for space to avoid being suffocated. His love flows like a river, a constant current that needs something to pull against, requiring a connection to stay alive. Each passing moment only draws them closer, their hearts in sync, an invisible thread weaving them together. But this symphony of emotions becomes harder to bear, as if his love is an unstoppable force, and hers an immovable object, each pulling in different directions. Perhaps she’s not ready for this kind of relationship, or maybe he was never meant for one. Yet, the harder she pulls away, the more desperately he holds on. The waves may crash, and the buildings may fall, but beneath the rubble, they stand, planning to rebuild. Their love drives them to the edge, unsure of what comes next. She craves time to breathe, space to settle, while he longs for reassurance, wanting to feel as though he’s not being cast aside.

You took my light away

And let me stumble in the darkness

Why do you do this to me

I asked you to stop

But you dragged me back

Kicking and screaming all the while

I’m drowning in the flood

That you created