I Put away the fantasy
It brought me some latency
To the dreams that were meant for me
Made me blind I couldn't see
The problems that I buried inside of me  
...Habitant
Of the sauce
Resided there at all cost for no cause
I couldn't stop myself
I was gone

Hi ugly gray cloud
Why are you sad?
You are making me sad
There is no pleasure in you
Your misery is contagious
If only strong winds would soothe your pain
And put a smile on you
So Mr. Sun can shimmer with glee
If only.....


JM 3/7/17

Feeling unhappy;
that I'm not good enough
Unconvinced and in despair,
Disbelief in my own
act and decisions

I am doing the best I could
to meet the expectations;
thus I am frustrated

Why am I putting
a lot of pressure on myself
just to seek attention?

I am trying hard
until gratified
Why am I still unfulfilled?

In fact, I am scared
I fear that I may fail
and may not reach satisfaction

It feeds my self-doubt
perhaps I am good-for-nothing

i cried into the sunset
for a new dawn

i lied enough to forget
that you were gone

now there's nothing to regret
and i am so alone

now all that i see is your red
all i see is your wrong

every tear you gave was shed
in scars you left so strong

thoughts left in my lonely head
where did they come from ?

those monsters beneath my bed
but now it's not my home

these walls now reek of dread
in your silence i mourn

sometimes i wish we never met
and i was never drawn

into the magic that you bred
that has left me so torn

you were the rose for which i bled
kissing with love on every thorn

you took my heart and fled
left me with a stone

those promises that were kept
swept away in storm

and now i wish that i was dead
for without you i cannot go on

The anchor of my heart
Please let me work

Stop holding me back
This struggle's a fact

Set me free instead
Let me focus on something but that

The anchor of my heart is too heavy
To move forward

I wanna cut it off
But I don't have the power

The anchor of my heart
Killed the message, the life
It is always there, this strife

And I can't move it
It's calm but heavy
It pulls my heart down
To the ground
Until the motion
Is frown
And there is no way back
I'd better understand
My emotions instead
The only way out
Is not to scratch on the surface
To ignore the internal maze
But to take a deep breath in
And to deal with the anchor within

On wings of expelled  vapour
did they venture beyond the hangings
of gravity and they ascended to heights
that blended with thoughts of fulfilment.

Wisps were expelled till exhalation
was exhausted, and slowly what arose
descended to it eventual beginnings.
But declining was harder than was imagined.

Pain elevated as the friction of reality swept
over, and where the vapour once filled there
interior now only emptiness did eviscerate the
stable mentality and wished only to ascend again.

*"Beauty of a dream, that is a nightmare of reality,

My dad loves me most when he's drinking
he cares about me transiently
so maybe thats why I
look for gyspy love
maybe I like the surprise of
not knowing if you'll love me tomorrow
or maybe it's just what
I deserve